The difficult part is that a lot about sex has to remain unspoken. Like when you pick up a girl at a bar, at no point do you verbalize that you’re both about to go home for more than “a drink at her place” so how can you talk about the “snag ahead” if you don’t even talk about what’s “ahead”.
Talking about performance issues is never easy. However, being upfront helps the partner to be prepared. For instance, she might suggest to buy a toy together so in case early climax is reached, both are comfortable keeping the action alive with the toy. If partner is not supportive then this is a great read flag to listen to get out of the relationship
It feels difficult at first, lump in my throat and heart racing. As I start and keep going, though, it gets easier. Breathing deeply also helps a lot. Honesty and transparency go a long way to meet needs and satisfy desires
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I can do it but I hate it and every time I try she acts exasperated and sarcastic.
Even though we’ve talked about it before and she is very supportive, I still get really nervous when I’m trying to start a conversation about it. Often the nerves get the better of me, and I end up deciding to put it off for another day
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My partner and I are talking about it. And I’m already using a lot of I statements but I think they’ve helped a lot actually. And we’ve been able to have some very sexy moments together lately.
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Have talked about a few times with my partner since it’s happened three times. I definitely get very nervous and feel shameful talking about it but she was very reassuring afterwards. I thinks this idea of owning it in a way that didn’t bring shame never crossed my mind
I’m sorry man, that’s tough
I have gotten better talking about it in the moment, but haven’t tried before being in a sexual situation. But I have tried to own it and I think it’s helped me feel at least a bit more comfortable. But it’s also a bit scary. You don’t know how they’ll react, even though it’s always been positive for me
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I feel vulnerable and hesitant, but I’m thankful because she’s so supportive.
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I’ve done it, but I need to get better at being confident with it and using I statements as I have made comments that put the blame on her.
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I spoke of performance anxiety a few times however not with ‘ownership’ tone which I intend to have.
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No problem
It would probably be helpful for me. I tend to avoid getting close to women because i worry about not getting hard and embarrassing myself. I would like to communicate more and take the pressure away.
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Very easy to discuss as I’ve already done a lot of this
Recently single from a long term…
(Before I found Mojo!)
Met a wonderful woman my age. After a few dates we started getting intimate. I was scared to death of 1. my ED. And 2. Getting naked in front of another woman after a looooong time wit my last.
Once we were comfortable partially clothed, I told her about my ED before it happened in order to make sure she didn’t think I wasn’t into her…
I quickly found that she hadn’t been with anyone in quite some time and that she was multi orgasmic! Since then we’ve gotten really close and she does not expect penetration. She loves my hand and my oral. We supplement with a dildo and a Hitachi at times. She says that’s enough for her. She goes down on me all the time, though I can’t stay hard long enough to finish…,
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luckily I have already talked about it with my wife and she understands what is going on, communication is the and does help with stress and anxiety
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Very awkward, it’s a huge elephant in the room for us
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I just started seeing someone new in a ENM situation with my long term partner with whom we are slowly disentangling our lives but hope to still stay in relationship. This is new territory, but having these open, honest conversations and allowing the anxiety that precedes it seems totally essential to relearning communication and vulnerability. I was just wondering this morning if I would want to have a conversation with this new person about my history with ED related issues, especially because things seem to be improving and some of the techniques have been really working to keep me out of my head. So, I thought, why risk bringing something up rather than seeing if it could just be a non issue. However, having watched this video and done this exercise, I can see that there really is no harm in having the vulnerable conversation. It brings everyone on the same page, and it even gives insight into if this new person is looking for honest communication and depth or if that is something that they’re not comfortable with. I think that when I find myself in an appropriate setting with her where things are seeming to progress to being physically intimate, I will have a conversation with her.
This is going well for me, we have discussed this a fee times. The only issue I have is the reaction I make when sex doesn’t work, I still feel dissapointed even though she doesn’t. I have to practice this