Has anyone had trouble with getting your partner on board with how the erection isn’t indicative of how turned on I am or how I feel about her? I’ve been on here for a few weeks, and I feel like my wife is greatly struggling with this even more so than usual. I’ve had trouble spectatoring off and on for the last 18 months, but lately it’s gotten worse and the minute I get soft it’s over for her. It’s making it a bigger and bigger for me, which is only making it worse and a more daunting feat for myself. To the point that today I was completely soft after taking viagra because I had so much nervous energy. Any advice on how I can get out of my head, or get her to buy in to this with me. Does anyone do the app with their spouse?
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I 100% feel your pain. My wife immediately gets angry if I finish early or am too nervous to get it up. Which added 100x to my stress and anxiety level about sex. It was even difficult to talk about with her because she felt I was blaming things on her or asking her to solve it, which is not true.
Try to explain that you’re working on it and it’s something you want to change and share a bit about the process and what you’re learning. I wish I had the silver bullet, but I’m still navigating this myself and know how hard/ draining it is. Good luck, you’ve got this!
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That’s really disappointing as you both need to be on the same page and work through this together for real progress. I get that your wife sees the erection as a barometer of your feelings as I’ve struggled with the same thing and felt my wife saw it that way too. We’d start foreplay and she’d reach for my cock only to find it still soft. All I wanted was for her to give it some attention but she’d just remove her hand. In my mind she wasn’t interested unless I was hard, Trouble was, because I didn’t understand what was going on with my erections I didn’t say anything and just hoped it would rise to the occasion but the more I focused and stressed that it wasn’t working then I just created more of the same. I felt ashamed and felt I was letting her down. I now realise it was all in my head and if I’d known that then, I could have spoken with her about it and told her I just needed more touching and foreplay. When I was younger and not in my head all the time, it would be up beforehand just thinking about sex so it was hard to understand what was going on before this app explained it. I created the thought that sex was all about the performance and new the connection was a big part of it too but I wasn’t feeling it.
Stress is a killer of erections and sex became a stressful situation because I was worried about my erection, either not getting hard or going soft during intercourse. Even the pills didn’t always work and just gave me headaches afterwards. I was so in my head by this stage that I avoided sex and intimacy. I thought I’d never be able to enjoy sex again Since finding this app and learning what was going on it’s boosted my confidence and I’ve been waking rock hard most mornings. I’m changing my mindset as I realise I’m not broken and useless but can overcome this temporary issue. I’ve told my wife I’m doing this and explained what’s going and and she’s been supportive. I’m still a work in progress but I feel better for talking about it to her and maybe you just need to really talk more to your wife and explain that you need her support right now. A relationship is a 2 way thing and us blokes are supposed to support our wives but we also need support. Keep going with the app regardless and it will help you through this.
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This is 100% my experience right now. I think it’s because I went so long just thinking things would just get better naturally, that she has grown increasingly frustrated because of the passivity in which I approached the problem.
The app does seem to be helping me be okay with my soft penis, I just need to work on better articulating this to her that I need her help in growing comfortable also. Do you all use the app together, or is it just you? I was thinking about sending her the app link and my log in info, but wasn’t sure if that’s even a thing
I don’t use it with her, it’s me on my own. Initially I told her I was using it and talked about all the things I was learning. I’ve made good progress in me PE due to anxiety about lasting.
We also had a discussion and took the pressure off of sex for awhile. It was probably about a month (not abnormal for us) because we had a lot going on and kids that wouldn’t sleep so we were both exhausted. This helped me deal with rejection and her with feeling pressured. Now we seem to be in a better spot with both of us initiating and respecting where we’re at in the moment.