My ex partner was triggered by my social anxiety manifesting in me removing myself from social situations when her social anxiety would manifest in her trying to hide her anxiety and please others. She felt frustrated and resentful that I was not putting the effort in to bring myself back to the group and to support her. She needed support and me as her partner to be there for her in social situations and to be on the same ‘level’ as her so we would be a team instead of two people on different introvert/extrovert levels.
I felt like my anxiety was only half accepted because her perspective was that if she can bury her anxiety I should too. I felt resentful and detached and I need acceptance and patience.
My partner and I are struggling to find time to spend together due to long distance. They communicated to me that they had made a decision that we wouldn’t see each other for a couple of months- and that they decided that in their perspective. I felt like I was being overlooked and rejected. I shared that this feeling had been building for some time based on actions or inaction from them. Calling it out and expressing my feeling and my needs felt relieving - even if no direct action was taken
I find it hard to express my needs as it makes me feel needy and insecure
Feeling like no matter how much I’ve tried to do around the house like chores, when she comes home, it’s never good enough. I literally brace up for it when she walks through the door.
I feel this from the other side
My husband asks if im interested in inviting another guy to fool around with us, goes on Grindr and after chatting with a guy who fits our needs and is interested in joining us, shows me the guy and asks if i want him to come join us. I honestly dont want to but because i know he does and i dont want to upset him i tentatively agree but my body language and overall demeanor clearly shows my disinterest but i say i want him to join us. Arrangements get made and the guy shows up and im visibly uncomfortable and wont engage or interact because my nerves are shot from the stress and negative feelings about this interaction. I barely interact and clearly am not into the situation which frustrates my husband and makes the whole thing awkward and disappointing for everyone involved. My husband is confused, frustrated and disappointed in how i acted and affected what was supposed to be fun for all of us. He needed my honesty and my true feelings rather than me agreeing to have the guy over because i thought its what he wanted. He noticed my apprehension and asked me to confirm i wanted the guy to come over. I lied and said i did and he took me at my word and made the arrangements and set expectations that didnt get met and wasted everyones time. It made him look like he was full of shit. Had i just been honest and confident enough to say im not interested in having anyone else involved but was hoping he and i could fool around and enjoy each other this time. No apps or chats to distract us. Just connecting and enjoying each other physically. I need reassurance that another guy or some chat/erotic story isnt what gets him interested to fool around with me. That had become the pattern lately and it frustrated and hurt me that it had got to be that way. I didnt tell him that i just avoided having the discussion which added to my stress and negative feelings.
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My ex partner wanted me to wear a certain pair of shoes on a night out, I didn’t want to wear them.
What she needed was for me to want to wear them just because she wanted me to wear them, to feel desired or in control.
What I needed was to be accepted unconditionally, to be able to be myself not always have to be a certain person for her
Thanks for sharing that. I’ve been in similar situations and on both ends. I have noticed sometimes in my immature side. I hold it in just so that I can act out later, but that doesn’t help anyone. I totally get you where you just want them to show appreciation for you, but you don’t wanna ask for it. You want them to just directly display it.My husband has told me that he is going to do that but just needs to know. That’s what I am working on, which is asking to hopefully set the expectation but really get myself comfortable and asking, and not letting that bundle down my desire.
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Oh man, that can be tough and really anxiety provoking. I found that really setting expectations and tempering them with realism rather than optimism is key. Underpromise and overdeliver.
They were frustrated and wanted equity in the relationship. I was anxious and wanted support to satisfy their needs.
I had an abusive relationship in the past, and the sexual abuse and coercion from this causes me to not fully communicate what I want with my current partner. This causes her to feel like she’s abusing me as I’m not using my agency.
On holiday, my partner got annoyed at me one day because I was being too passive in the planning of the day and spending too much time on my phone. She needed me to be more present and for me to care.
My need was purely on getting my dopamine fix by checking my messages. I wasn’t thinking about her.
She was absolutely right to call me out.
I’m working full time and studying in my spare time. This, along with everything else in life, often leaves me tired and burnt out. I’m ashamed to say that it left me with little energy to have sex with my wife. I’d also had a few performance issues during this period. This resentment built up until she’d had enough, and it led to a big and painful fight. Hurtful things were said by both of us. After things had cooled down and I had time to process what was being said, I realised that I had been distancing myself from my wife. Since then, I have started using this app for and I try to be more honest and open with her.
I was watching a show and I mentioned an actress I was surprised to see. As a joke my gf asked why I was so excited to see her. I told her I loved my partner not the actress and in doing so I then expressed exasperation at why I said I love her because I was picking up on the slightly weird vibes. But I think the way I did it caused her to feel like I was frustrated with her emotions and not prioritizing her. It seemed like a small thing and then we ended up arguing about spiraling topics and then it became a full blown argument. She wanted me to take every emotion seriously that she has and it was hard to do in the moment while I was just trying to enjoy my show. I could have just told her I was going to respond later but I was caught up in the moment and became unnecessarily mean
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It is refreshing to see a new perspective on conflict resolution. I thought that by being calm I could resolve all conflicts but never truly thought that it might come off as mocking or disingenuous.
this is something i feel like i could apply to all areas of my life. i’m very non-confrontational and avoid discussing things tbh. so this exercise was enlightening as i never thought about conflict resolution in this way. it makes me feel more confident that i can improve my communication skills and engage with conflict in a constructive way.