My ex partner was triggered by my social anxiety manifesting in me removing myself from social situations when her social anxiety would manifest in her trying to hide her anxiety and please others. She felt frustrated and resentful that I was not putting the effort in to bring myself back to the group and to support her. She needed support and me as her partner to be there for her in social situations and to be on the same ‘level’ as her so we would be a team instead of two people on different introvert/extrovert levels.
I felt like my anxiety was only half accepted because her perspective was that if she can bury her anxiety I should too. I felt resentful and detached and I need acceptance and patience.
My partner and I are struggling to find time to spend together due to long distance. They communicated to me that they had made a decision that we wouldn’t see each other for a couple of months- and that they decided that in their perspective. I felt like I was being overlooked and rejected. I shared that this feeling had been building for some time based on actions or inaction from them. Calling it out and expressing my feeling and my needs felt relieving - even if no direct action was taken
I find it hard to express my needs as it makes me feel needy and insecure
Feeling like no matter how much I’ve tried to do around the house like chores, when she comes home, it’s never good enough. I literally brace up for it when she walks through the door.
I feel this from the other side
My husband asks if im interested in inviting another guy to fool around with us, goes on Grindr and after chatting with a guy who fits our needs and is interested in joining us, shows me the guy and asks if i want him to come join us. I honestly dont want to but because i know he does and i dont want to upset him i tentatively agree but my body language and overall demeanor clearly shows my disinterest but i say i want him to join us. Arrangements get made and the guy shows up and im visibly uncomfortable and wont engage or interact because my nerves are shot from the stress and negative feelings about this interaction. I barely interact and clearly am not into the situation which frustrates my husband and makes the whole thing awkward and disappointing for everyone involved. My husband is confused, frustrated and disappointed in how i acted and affected what was supposed to be fun for all of us. He needed my honesty and my true feelings rather than me agreeing to have the guy over because i thought its what he wanted. He noticed my apprehension and asked me to confirm i wanted the guy to come over. I lied and said i did and he took me at my word and made the arrangements and set expectations that didnt get met and wasted everyones time. It made him look like he was full of shit. Had i just been honest and confident enough to say im not interested in having anyone else involved but was hoping he and i could fool around and enjoy each other this time. No apps or chats to distract us. Just connecting and enjoying each other physically. I need reassurance that another guy or some chat/erotic story isnt what gets him interested to fool around with me. That had become the pattern lately and it frustrated and hurt me that it had got to be that way. I didnt tell him that i just avoided having the discussion which added to my stress and negative feelings.
My ex partner wanted me to wear a certain pair of shoes on a night out, I didn’t want to wear them.
What she needed was for me to want to wear them just because she wanted me to wear them, to feel desired or in control.
What I needed was to be accepted unconditionally, to be able to be myself not always have to be a certain person for her