She was scared and emotional about quite a few things going on. Instead of just hearing her needs as she played them out for me i kept giving her reasons why it might not be so negative and how could she look at a different perception of the situation. Things out if our control are just that. Well the trigger and response pushed me away immediately I didn’t fight I acknowledged and wasn’t honest about how that made me feel because I didn’t want to expend the energy fighting about it. So I pulled away and focused on some heavy things happening in my life I shouldn’t have been dating anyway. When things calmed down I reached out and she had gone back to her ex so, I figure that just means everything played out exactly how it was supposed to. I acknowledged it and said goodbye. Still kind of feels like rejection but damn I respect the faithfulness with that.
crashed out on my uncle last week ab our family cause everyone is hiding shit. super acting. i honestly don’t know what his need is, my need was to figure out what is going on with my family
That’s a super hard experience mate. Thanks for sharing. Onwards and upwards for you.
Our sexual life has been the topics that’s heated. At the end of the day it’s not about me not getting it up - she feels unwanted.
My wife died several months ago (she was 28 and I’m 30) so I’m learning to be an adult by myself. I’ve been struggling to get it up, and was with someone and couldn’t get it up. She’s been very understanding and patient but I understand the stress and worry! It’s nice to know I’m not alone!
I feel lost and don’t know what I need. I just walk away from conflicts after years of trying to solve them. I don’t have any fight left.
I think my ex was frustrated that I hadn’t told her her cats were out of food. I think not immediately being able to check the dates I would be out of town (since i stopped sharing my calendar with her), further added to her frustration. I think that’s why when she texted me she came at me with an intense tone. I think I needed some understanding— I did feel badly about the cat food, I forgot to text her. And I wish she had had more understanding of me not wanting her to see all the events in my personal calendar. I wish she had acknowledged the latter part.
Constantly felt upset that my ex would criticize or not say nice things about me. She definitely did not share my love of words of affirmation. But regardless their need was that she felt detached from us. What she needed was not me. She needed our relationship to end.
I constantly felt frustrated and alienated that my ex was correcting/belittling me and not putting communicating his needs.
What I needed was for my ex to love me by showing he can be intimate, inclusive and show warmth or just be nice in that conflict area of the relationship
What he felt was probably detached, overwhelmed and resentful and needed space as well as independence.
Girlfriend and I hand an argument very recently where she was feeling insecure and needed my reassurance.
Four months ago I left my wife of 28 years. She has borderline personality disorder which meant she wanted conflict continuously. I couldn’t do that. I tried to get her the mental health help she needs but she saw me as the problem, not part of the solution. Looking back, I realise I spent years treading on eggshells to avoid confrontation. The tools presented here would have been useful and it would have been better for me not to back down every time she shouted. But I suspect conflict resolution doesn’t work as well when there are mental health issues involved. I escaped a long-term abusive marriage, and have been scarred. But these tools will help me improve communication in future relationships.
I would feel frustrated sometimes that I backed down and was always trying to please her in order to avoid conflict
Had a big argument recently when I couldn’t get it up. She initially said she doesn’t like sex generally and only did it as a form of communication. As we kept talking, discovered she just felt it was because I no longer found her attractive and was worried we would never have sex again. Gave her comfort that I still found her very attractive and perhaps our definition of sex being just P in V needed to change.
She just wanted some reassurance that I could handle what life throws at me and commit to doing the things I said I would so she could begin to trust me again. I felt burnt out and just needed to feel her love and connection
The only time my husband and i interact sexually is when we bring another guy in for a threesome. He shows zero enthusiasm for me when its just us but his enthusiasm is off the charts when that other person is involved. Seeing that hurts and makes me believe he isn’t attracted to me sexually and only involving me in the threesome so he can enjoy interacting with other guys without it being cheating or having an open relationship. He spends hours each day on apps like Grindr, Sniffies and Snapchat even when he is at work and away from me. He says hes not having s lot conversations with the guys on these apps, but then why is so much time and effort made for checking into these apps all day everyday. Ive seen some of the conversations he has with guys on these apps and while some of them are exactly what he said they were, there have been several that he omitted details of the conversations that were far more involved and overtly sexual than he said. I dont believe him when he says he isn’t having in depth conversations on these apps but i cant prove it since he always has his phone with him and never lets it out of sight. Attempts to share my feelings and let him know what i need from him always ends with me feeling worse, shutting down emotionally and avoiding bringing up these in th future
My partner was angry for me checking my phone. They were obviously feeling ignored and needed reassurance and my attention.