Fought with my wife this morning about visiting her mother, who herself is an enormous strain on our relationship. My wife wanted support from me (yes, we can go see her at 430, even though that’s earlier when what I had planned) but I was wanting space and rest (today is my day off and I don’t want to spend that much of it with your mother)
Rather than ask me what I thought of the plan, she could have asked me for support. And rather than get frustrated with her, I could have expressed my need directly
They felt hurt, insecure, jealous, disappointed. They needed connection, stability, trust
Felt extremely hurt, betrayed and useless. And I hadn’t realised how bad it was
Upset we had poor communication and I thought we had plans to hang out that she didn’t know about and made other plans, we argued then discussed on how to improve communication on both ends and respecting plans we each make
She got jealous because I paid a different girl attention in that moment, but she need attention herself
I was being clingy saying i love you nore to hear her say it back.
I got annoyed because I didn’t feel appreciated
It felt as if I wasn’t being heard and belittled
I was feeling quite tired and burnt out.
I needed support and warmth, and to feel acknowledged
I felt ignored, belittled and disrespected… They felt they wasn’t in the wrong and found it amusing which further infuriated me.
Their feeling was disrespected because i was late to an obligation. Their need was attentiveness and priority.
I felt harrassed. My need was space and tolerance.
She was feeling detached, insecure, sensitive, self-conscious and she needed independence, acceptance, patience.
I was being too agreeable and soft and she wanted me to be more opinionated and assertive.