Apply nonviolent communication to a recent conflict

Think back to an argument or clash that felt like a 10/10 conflict. Where it got ugly.

It can be with a partner or someone else. It might be helpful to apply this to a recurring conflict.

What happened? In hindsight, what was their feeling and need? What was your feeling and need?

I think back to my first relationship and I realize we both needed trust and warmth. We argued a lot because we couldn’t satisfy that for each other.

I’m thinking back on my first relationship, we needed a lot of trust and warmth. Both of us were young so I think we lacked the right words to communicate those needs effectively.

My first major relationship happened all throughout high school in some important developmental years. I was a kid when it started and I never quite got the hang of it. I’d say that had a lot of impact on why I am this way now. Building trust and shelter was something I struggled with heavily.

Conflicts I’ve been in was because i was feeling lonely, stressed out, and i didnt feel the support i wanted from them but also didnt tell them i needed the support.

A conversation lulls. Partner thinks I’m not paying attention and gets angry. She feels unheard and needs to feel loved. Often I do lapse in concentration because I’m feeling worn out and need a little space. Most of the time I’m not really aware that I’m tired and don’t communicate the need for space

Having ED has been hard for me, but also for my wife. When I stop to ask her if she feels unloved and unattractive, she said yes. I reaffirmed that I agreed that sounds terrible. I never steered the conversation to my need but made it about hers. I let it sit overnight that I understood. The next day, we had great sex as we were so much more connected and it seemed that we understood each other.

They felt alienated, abandoned, loveless. They needed warmth, affirmation, love. I felt overwhelmed, misunderstood. I needed calmness, rationality.