I told her that she was not available and had no time for a relationship. She got super offended that I was telling her what she thought and hung up the conversation. I needed to be heard and the real reason was not feeling loved or affections. I guess I should have just told her that…
When I called a trans-woman attractive and my gf claimed that it meant I had “gay tendencies.” She kept insulting me by saying that and I kept saying I was a straight man. Their need and feeling seemed to be fear that I wasn’t what I said I was. She almost needed me to say I wasn’t interested. I needed her to hear my words and my assertion that I was straight. I was feeling fed up and frustrated at her.
I think back to my last relationship (7 years long). We both had lots of unspoken and unresolved issues. We rarely fought but the relationship slowly died out. We had problems with intimacy, and I still think we could have worked on it. I wish we gave this a try
I felt sensitive, unconfident and sad. I needed to feel valued and respected
Me and my girl have recurring fights when I’m too tired/stressed from work to give her the attention see needs. I need space when I’m tired and she’s the other way around. We try to get around this by communicating clearly but sometimes it’s very hard…
I really struggled with communication early on and never learned the ways to fight effectively and have open honest conversations. I always felt that I needed to be perfect and always a people pleaser rather than having true intimacy with someone. I never got anywhere very deep with any partner until now and my communication and conflict and need to be perfect has deeply hurt the relationship I’m in now and my erections issues are not helping.
i went on a trip to portugal with a friend (her idea, so fun!). i stayed in europe about 3 weeks after she went home. when i got back (she was staying at my house all winter, gave her my room, charged her min. rent) i told her how how she owed me for half the rv i rented, a concert tic, and electricity money for the 3 mo at my flat… alot of stuff i just paid for myself, hotel room, acouple meals, some expensive souvenirs i bought for her and her mom. she respnds by saying that amt. seems expensive, and asks for an itemized bill. i give her one and she says but i gave you gas money once, could you do the bill again. i do,this time including all the stuff i paid for myself (didn’t mention the gifts). don’t know why she asks me to do the bill a 3rd time, said i should have given her the electric bill before (was like $150 for the whole winter) and i refuse. she gives me the money i asked for and i try to patch things up before she left my apt as planned to go back to her mom’s in TN. seemed like things were cool until after she left i find some of the gifts i bought on the trip and random other stuff i had bought for her that winter, she had left in my closet. i put it all in a box and mailed it to her asking if she intentionally left it. she texted me later thanking me for mailing the stuff, nothing else(?). the girl is very frugal in daily life, had a decent job …maybe she expected me to pay for everything cuz that’s what i had done on previous trips (she never thanked me). this time my credit card was almost maxed out and i needed a little help. …
I always avoid conflict. My partner took everything I said the wrong way so I gave up expressing my feelings and needs
The ED issues appear to be the cause of most issues or at least they dramatize other conflicts. Wife needs more intimacy and is frustrated by the situation. I’m frustrated too and need her to be more supportive of the situation because that’s that best way to solve it. Doesn’t feel like we are working together despite my communication of that need.
Insecure - closeness
when my late wife was alive we would sometimes argue and she always used to say that I spoke to her as if she was stupid. I never realised that perhaps I did even though I thought the world of her and loved her. perhaps that was one of the reasons our sex life dwindled and I became worried about my erections. we never actually talked about it - I wish I could turn back time
In my last relationship, I was frustrated because she wouldn’t be intimate with me in non-sexual terms. She’d rarely touch me, recoil quickly after a kiss, rarely hold hands with me in public, or cuddle for more than 5 minutes. Her feeling was irritation and her need was that she didn’t like or need the warmth of romantic interactions. Whereas with me, I really need these as a basis of my well-being in a relationship and to have the best sex possible. I was sad and frustrated and she was uncompromising, saying ‘‘This is just how I am.’’ She tried a little more, but it felt really forced and I could tell she was unhappy.
Trust is big obstacle for me
ED has been a source of conflict. I’ve tried both avoiding it and discussing it. Neither have felt very successful. Perhaps in the discussions I wasn’t doing it in the best way.
Anyway, based on this I’m going to commit to voicing my own needs. My wife sometimes has a temper and gets angry. This seems directed at me, even if I’m not the one who’s making her mad. I will let her know when she does this it makes me feel scared and unsafe. How she reacts to that is her call. I’m not responsible for her feelings (not in a “it’s okay for me to do things that upset her because it’s her fault if she gets upset” kind of way of course).
I feel distrust and monitored when I want to explore on my own or have my own friends. I need to have multiple connections and conversational threads ro feel whole.
Last relationship went to just being “friends” because of my performance anxiety and she ended up sleeping with another guy. She told me later because she felt guilty that maybe we were more than just friends, but we couldn’t be exclusive again so it was a cluster fuck. Couldn’t agree so it had to end because she needed sex I wasn’t following thru with and I needed exclusive.
When I was working 2 jobs as a student, I was often overwhelmed and burnt out. I took this out on my partner, who preferred to be on his own. When really, I just needed warmth, touch (like a hug), and intimacy (not just sexually, but a deeper connection to our relationship to remind me that the struggles I faced were worth it).