Getting over performance anxiety while single

Hi everyone,

I live in a very small city. Not too many potential partners here. I sort of blew a sex interest over the weekend. I couldnt get hard while we were making out. She was ready to go. She got super offended and thought i wasnt attracted to her. It became awkward. We stopped talking

Do you think i should take some time away from dating and focus on building myself up first? Potentially for a few weeks/months?

Or would it be in my best interest to keep dating and putting myself out there and trying?

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I’ve been avoiding dating for years because of this issue, but if you are dating, I would be up front about it before a sexual encounter happens. That way there is no miscommunication on what is happening, or not happening.


I’ve had that experience. Some people are very rude or abusive (in this case) which makes ED stuff worse over time because you’re having another negative situation occur associated with the sex experience. In other cases, I have found I actually wasn’t attracted but was hoping I would get there.
I would hold off or make sure you’re taking it slow enough that you’re able to enjoy the process and are in a safe spot to communicate if things go wrong. Make sure you can have positive experiences more than negative ones to rewire yourself. This means having sex on your terms.

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Keep dating but be honest to start , just say I may have a problem, it’s nothing to do with you etc. I find u very attractive or whatever you say. I was honest with a girl I really liked , still here 8 years later , I haven’t changed yet but always had great sex, whether it just ended with oral or a tablet. If she doesn’t understand she’s not the one. just being honest takes a lot of pressure off to start.


I agree, keep dating but communicate early and often. Sex is more than just penetration. Learn other ways to bring some fun into the bedroom. Also, learning to communicate openly and being vulnerable, from my experience, is very attractive to woman.

I am slowly moving past my ED issues (I primarily needed some pelvic floor strengthening which brought things back for me in the bedroom) but the ED experience really opened my eyes to good communication, seeking healthy relationships, and finding more fun in the bedroom.

I hope the same for you all too!


I told someone I have just started dating during the week about my erectile dysfunction when we were in bed, and she is the first partner I have been completely honest to and used those words to describe it. She was totally cool about it and reminded me that she wasn’t only attracted to me for my penis and she was sure we would have great sex when it happens. Just try and be honest about it man.

Yea, put yourself 1st! Take some time off and train your body and brain. Too many situations like that would be too traumatic in my opinion.

I would maybe take a month off and focus on yourself. Build back your confidence in yourself. Now don’t stay out of the game for too long. It’s all going to be okay!

This has literally happened to me a couple of months ago. I tried to explain as best I could afterwards but she wasn’t completely convinced. A few months have passed and I’m currently interested in someone else now and have asked them out but am worried about what happened the last time and hoping that it doesn’t happen again.

Hey! I had the same problem, with a variety of reactions from the other girls. So I decided to be honest since the first couple of dates. And here I am, married with her, 8 years later. I’m here in Mojo, trying to solve it and with support from her. You cannot hide in a cave, be transparent.


I’ve been having a similar situation. Fortunately (so far), she’s been patient and fine w doing other things (in bed I mean). I’m confused by what’s going on but have tried to just stay calm, part of the reason this app appealed to me - just signed up yesterday.

Anyway, sorry, what she did was overeactive and based on her stuff very obviously, and there’s prob nothing you cd have said to keep her from reacting that way. Tough spot on a small town I suppose, but my personal opinion is to keep dating and try to enjoy what you CAN do, and work at the understanding the reasons for the ED. Not every woman is going to make it about her

I’m about to go on a date tonight where we are most likely going to go home together since we’ve already been intimate before. I think I’m going to be honest with her and tell her that I have had trouble getting it up and that it has happened with other girls and that she is not the issue. If she has a problem with it then so be it I’ll just work on myself since that is the most important thing in this process.

Learn other sex skills. There’s more ways to please a partner while you aren’t ready yet. At least it shows you want to give a good time, and keeps their mind off the fact that you aren’t there yet.

i think you should put yourself out there and keep on dating. it might help to discuss the situation with the partner. maybe don’t put yourself in that situation right off the bat to worry less about not getting hard and focusing on enjoying and feeling more “safe” with that partner, so that if it does happen again you might get a better reaction

I just had a similar issue over the weekend. I’ve been dating this girl for nearly two months; we had decided to wait a bit before having sex, this weekend was supposed to be our first time together.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get it up all weekend. It was interesting in two ways. One, she was increadibly disappointed at first, she said that she was really looking forward to having sex with me. I was happy to hear that she was, but it was also really sad. Two, after she got past her disappointment, she heard me out and was willing to give me time to work on my issue.
Although she is willing to give me time, she still initiated and pushed for sex a couple of times. I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed if I’m honest and really burnt out.
The point is, having the conversation before these things happen, if you’re aware of it, can alleviate a lot of the problems moving forward.

Just don’t date ugly women. Look, society has brainwashed us to believe that women are somehow more important and more desirable than men. With the rise of social media and OF, we got 5’s acting like 10’s. Fuck that! We’re the shit. We could choke the life out of them whenever we please.

Even in a small town, just think of it like this, they need you more than you need them. If she can’t get you hard, just look at it as pick-up line practice for the next hotter bitch. If you have to date from the next closest town. And never I repeat never tell them how you really feel. Be stoic, keep a FWB in the stable, and focus the vast majority of your effort on stacking your paper. If shit does go wrong, say to yourself “fuck that bitch” then go finger blast her roommate!

This all depends on a lot of aspects - do you masturbate to porn often? If not to porn, do you masturbate often with a hard grip?

It all depends wether it’s a physical issue or psychological issue.

I been having issues with a long term partner, having the fear of ejaculating early haunts me. Kinda lost

I had a similar experience a while back. I took some time to work on myself. I’m in a relationship now but the issue still remains from time to time. Hopefully realizing that it’s only my head, I can overcome and take back control of my sex life.

A similar thing happened to me with a former FWB; she ended up texting the next day that her & her ex were gonna try to work things out (it didn’t, but I digress). I’ve been trying to tell myself that a negative sexual experience doesn’t define me as a sexual partner or as a man; we’re all dealing with different stuff & it’s good to remember that you’re not alone.

I say, DON’T GIVE UP BECAUSE OF SOMEONE ELSE’S LACK OF PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING; keep putting yourself out there, communicate fully with your partner, & have good ass (CONSENSUAL) fun!! It’s world easier to get hard & stay hard when both (or however many) parties are comfortable &out of their heads. Hope this helps🐉