I believe I have always had some form of anxiety or hesitation having sex, and while younger it seemed to take me a couple times to feel comfortable and relaxed with my partner - then it seemed to be a non issue. It also seemed to be more likely taking a break from the action to put on a condom - or when I am the center of attention. I started noticing it more with towards the end of my relationship with my ex wife, I would get soft when it was time for penetration, or maybe it seemed like I was losing interest while already having sex then changing positions. At the time I thought it was just possibly from the emotional disconnect with her. For many other reasons, the marriage ended and I have spent some years finding myself, boosting exercise, personal challenges, and therapy. I have just started getting back into dating, and realizing how much I’m in my head during sex is an issue. There is an anxiety over knowing eventually I’ll have to put a condom on, and what will happen? I was recently in a three month relationship where we tried a couple times unsuccessfully. We had oral sex - sometimes I would go soft after it taking awhile to orgasm. So many internal questions would arise over why I wasn’t cumming. I really enjoyed focusing on her and making sure I was able to please her, and I was able to talk to her about what I was experiencing, but ultimately she broke up with me because I couldn’t answer her of how long it will take to fix. And that I should’ve been working on this long ago, even though I really didn’t know it was forsure going to be an issue.
Ultimately I understand the right person would stick by me, but it was a total blow to my confidence. It put me in a little bit of depression - started using some meds for that. Also got checked normal T levels, normal BP. I’ve been using mojo for a week ish and I like it so far, but am nervous about dating again, and going through the same embarrassment and pain. I don’t want to rely on a pill, and am hoping these exercises, meditations, building my self confidence can help moving forward.
I’m sure porn and masturbation have played their part, but I’ve had anxiety about it even before it was so readily available. I’ve stopped watching porn for almost a month and that has been the easiest part about trying to help this issue. I will definitely keep that going, and will be more mindful of my masturbation.
I feel now there will only be more anxiety about it, and it almost makes me hesitant to date until I feel better about it. Communication about it with a partner will always be key, but I am finding it really hard to feel confident moving forward with this issue.