Goes soft as soon as i go to penetrate

Im starting to panic. I can get hard easy enough and get turned in by my wife but as soon as i go to penetrate i pretty much panic and go soft. I dont know where its coming from!?!?! Married a long time and never had any real issues but lately this has started happening and im worried im now talking myself into it before sex and setting myself up for failure. I try to explain to my wife its not her and its all me but sometimes i dont think she believes that


I have similar issues, and my wife has similar responses, from what it sounds like. She says I don’t find her attractive since she’s gained weight and that porn is the issue, but I don’t think it’s that simple.
Since it started (performance anxiety/ED), it was very clear to me it was psychological. Nothing in my rational mind WANTS to fail during sex. We end up fighting and she gets frustrated at how long our iffy sex life has gone on (ED led to very quick sex, in my case, because I feared losing my erection during intercourse, so I’d rush to the finish line and now that’s how it is every time, assuming I can get it up).
She says she isn’t mad at the problem, per se, but she’s mad at my inactivity to fix it. I had a shrink for years, but that never really solved it, nor was it sex-focused. I’m only now (after 10 years of dating and 5 being married) starting to frantically try to change things.

Thanks for sharing your story.


I relate to this …wish I’d found this program earlier as it could have saved my first marriage. Keep going and take the pressure off completely. It works.


Thank you for posting. I am experiencing the exact same thing and I’ve been trying to work out the issue. I have no problem getting erections outside of being intimate with my wife however, when it’s time to actually fuck, I start to go soft. I have worked with the app on and off but we also have physical intimacy issues in our 20 year relationship which we will start seeing a therapist to discuss. It’s become frustrating because for years I could perform pretty much on demand with the occasional flop but, nothing like the consistent issues I’ve been experiencing since I turned 51. I know there’s a mental component to all this and no magic solution. I’m trying to avoid meds and I hope to work through this with the app and therapy. I wish you the best as you work through this issue. It’s not easy but I find comfort knowing I’m not alone in this ordeal.

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Same persistent issue here. Can get hard until “showtime” in the saddle.

Definitely my experience too. Very discouraging. It’s like a big tease. For them, and me.