Just ideas and thoughts

Hello all,
I’ve been having ED since I was 21 so I’ll try to share 10 years of overthinking in one short post.

After a few teenage fumblings and drunken one-nighters, I met someone when I was 21 and spent 4 weeks sober in her bed trying and failing to get it up. Something then clicked and I was hard every time for a 6 year relationship. Then with a new partner at 27, same again.

I cheated on someone I loved JUST to try and prove to myself that my dick works. I got drunk, cheated, and regretted it. I then went into a half-arsed relationship with that person and didn’t get it up more than thrice in 6 months. I was so miserable. ED has truly ruined some great relationships and stolen too much time from me. Now I’m with someone new at age 31 trying to work out what the fudge is wrong with me.

A conversation with my sister helped me work something out: she doesn’t sleep with anyone until they’ve been dating for 6 months. I think the idea of masculinity in the media (that includes movies, boastful friends, and porn) makes us all believe we should be ready and rock solid for any lover at the drop of a hat. Why is it abnormal for guys to be slow about wanting to jump into bed with someone but not for women?

I’ve kept a secret dick diary recently with little descriptions like “dangly and confident”, “soft and sluggish”, “pronounced and pre-cummy” with my new partner as we get to know each other. They told me on the first date that not fucking on the first date was a red flag for them. I challenged them and we had a good conversation about the sexual education that we’ve both received. I learned about sex through awkward parental conversations, porn, and lessons in the mechanics of it all at school. I learned nothing of the psychology of it all until I started getting into relationships. They learned about sex in a different way. Their mother told them about the best orgasms she’s had, what their father was like in bed, etc etc. So we were both approaching sex from different perspectives.

I’ve eaten many sardines in my life, drank ginger tea all day, done mindfulness, quit drink and cigarettes and weed, done yoga, sport, oysters, coconut water… everything the internet has told me to do for a better boner. Then therapy. But after going through a few relationships in my 20s I’ve realised that my mind and body need time to recover and recharge from heartbreaks, to regain confidence from flaccid fumbling failures, and my hormones (yes, men have them too!) sometimes just work at their own pace. After all, sex starts in the brain according to these fantastic mojo resources!

I don’t have any profound conclusion because I’m still a nervous mess in bed but hopefully these words inspire some thoughts in y’all. I’ll let you know how it goes with my new lover. I’m getting there though… I can feel it in my mind, heart, stomach, and dick.

Sending positive vibes to you all.

Yes fam, I hear you on what you’re saying and I like your statement on how you see things from your point of view. The area I can relate to you in is with a new partner as I’ve noticed it takes a bit of time to get used to them being around you in a sexual presence! Also I’ve noticed that when a woman likes you she tends to want to sleep with you fairly quick if she’s very attracted to you and that can create a bit of pressure with a new partner then you get use to them after a while and then your Mojo kicks in, excuse the pun!

I myself would like to be able to perform at a decent level with a new partner if sex is on the cards and I know for sure a lot of these issues are psychological and is more mind over matter as you said and as the saying goes sex starts in the brain!

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Hi all, I’ve been struggling with getting it up for about a year now and I know for sure it’s a psychological cause because it always happens when I’m having sex or the lead up to sex. Never when I’m watching porn or things like that. The problem is that I’m only 18 so it’s very embarrassing for me at the moment especially since I now have a new girlfriend that I have likes for months and I just don’t want to let her down. But I think that the fact that I’m thinking about letting her down so much is the cause of me not being able to get it up either all the way or at all. I could really use some advice from everyone on ways of stopping my brain going straight to the thought that I’m going to embarrass myself during sex

Hi all, 21 years old at university, surrounded by housemates who seem to shag left right and centre. And then there’s me who hasn’t had sex in a year purely due to the anxiety and embarrassment of not getting it up. After reading some of the comments in these discussions it’s helped me realise I’m not alone, and hopefully it’s onwards and upwards

can anyone write how to access
“This week: Course 2
Learn techniques to address performance anxiety
Discover a repeatable exercise to neutralize anxieties about going soft”

I’ve been experiencing ED over the last few months with my wife of 16 years. Had not been an issue before turning 50 and then, WHAM! It’s like a switch turned off down below. I find her attractive and I want to continue our intimacy which has led me to Mojo. I’m finding the content and comments helpful. Of course there’s all this attention on me and this feel I’d like its making it worse but also less stressful because we are talking about. Physiologically, I’m still able to get morning wood and masterbate, psychologically, I’m more anxious than I’ve ever been. I appreciate everyone’s posts and I’ll continue to work on my inner critic.

I struggled with Premature Ejaculation, which lead to performance anxiety. That started when I was young.

I over came it.

My marriage became sexless and ended. That created performance anxiety again and low testosterone.

Not only did I overcome that. Post divorce I became everything I wanted to be sexually. It was great. Everything I thought it would be and more.

Had some lunatic doctors misdiagnose me, screws up my thyriod so bed I literally almost died. It caused ED. I did not know at the time the ED happened that I was sick. So it mentally destroyed me.

Recovered physically from the thyriod, back to normal. But getting an erection which a partner right now? Nope.

Been meditating, wellness, supplements, ED pills, mindful masterbation, no porn, etc., etc.

Even found a somatic therapist. She is good.

My mind is good. I cannot tell you how confident I am I can have sex.

My body. Scared out its mind. I can calm breathe and take in the beauty and presence of the person I am with. And be there.

My body…still scared beyond control. Shaking legs and all.

Ridiculous. What is it so scared about? Having sex? Ridiculous. How do you tell your body to not be scared about having sex when your body doesn’t understand what being sick with thyriod issues means. It barely understands English.

…Ridiculous. This is madness to me. If memories are worth anything in a positive way my body should DEFINITELY be able to remember how much fun sex is. Plenty of great memories. Why won’t you body remember that and CHILL OUT.

I commend you all as you fight this mental battle. This sucks and while life is beautiful and full aging things and love can be present without pentration.

But when you want to have pentrative sex and your body eon’t let you. It is human to get frustrated and dare I say angry at times

Fight on gentlemen. Tho I am angry today, I promise you, I got past stuff like this and it is SO worth it. You can do it. I have done it…tho for the last 8 months I am NOT done with this new unwelcome challenge

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My erection is curved towards the right, is it normal ? Are there any corrective measures ?

These messages help my overthinking what’s wrong with me brain so much. Thanks!

I completely agree with the sentiment above, men have been told our entire lives that we have the responsibility to be ready to “reproduce” at the drop of a hat regardless of the mindset we’re currently in and that’s simply asinine to me. I do completely agree with experts saying our physical ability to preform in the bedroom is 90% mental if not more. I’m a 38 year old athletic man with a healthy appetite for sex and have a very nice size “member” and I’ve never in my life had ANY issues until my recent divorce. After finally deciding to move on and date again I met the most beautiful, amazing and horny women who want’s absolutely nothing but my love and desires me so strongly physically and emotionally that it’s almost frightening. That being said, after a solid month of dating my girlfriend is ready to strangle me if I don’t slam her like she’s been begging sense night 2. I can only hope that this issue with my member not being rock hard is resolved because she’s so tight that i literally can’t get myself into her with my dick being so hard I could hunt with it! I never and I mean never have had any issues or complaints in my life when it came to the bedroom. I’ve been told by everyone I’ve ever been with that I’m WAY above normal in terms of length and girth and that I’m by far the best lover they’ve ever had so this “issue” I’ve had lately is REALLY fucking pissing me off. I want nothing more then to literally impale my girlfriend with what she’s kindly called my “massive” dick but I can’t understand how something like a divorce could mess with my head so badly that all my bedroom skills and gifted anatomy aren’t working with a woman whom I desire more then life itself… I suppose I’m what is referred to as a “man’s man” so this is quite different then anything I’ve ever dealt with. I mean, I’m be trade an arborist so I’m regularly over 100’ up in a tree with a chainsaw cutting down the tree I’m attached to and trying not to kill anyone below. Honestly I’ve never been so scared that something I’ve always prided myself on being REALLY good at is simply not going happen anymore… I’ll say that this mojo community does seem to make sense and the mental aspect of sexual intimacy seems very important in perspective. Tonight my girlfriend is coming over and expecting me to rail her brains out royally and I believe she’s gonna get it good but just the possibility of my failure to satisfy her expectations especially after seeing me naked many times now weighs heavily on my mind. Well gentleman, wish me luck on a great fuck!

I’ve been struggling with ED since the first time I was intimate with someone. As a late bloomer with self confidence issues, I felt a tremendous amount of pressure. My expectations were formed around porn, media, and an upbringing that reinforced toxic masculinity. I had struggled with getting an erection for the longest time, and then struggled with maintaining one. Now the fear of losing my erection has made sex stressful and anxiety inducing.

Just new here. 21 years old. Only realised I’ve performance anxiety over the last few months. Understood that I had it since around November.

I guess at first I was terrified that I would never get it up again. When I started having regular sex with my partner my worries disappeared and I foolishly thought that it was the end of it.

It came back to me after I didn’t get it up once. I started to blow things way out of proportion. It has led to me becoming nervous about sex even days before hand in case it happens again despite getting it up on regular occurrences since.

My anxiety around sex now is worrying that it is something that will never go away. I’ve now committed to using Mojo and understanding more about what I’m going through rather than living in denial.