How have you handled communication about these issues with your partners? My wife is not a big communicator and gets defensive easily so I have to start this dialog very carefully… Any success stories or DON’T DO THIS… Advice? I’ve thought about writing a letter or even getting a therapist to help (which I don’t have the money for)
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Sounds like she takes things personally really easily. There is a program called Crucial Conversations that helped me develop better deliveries at work and in any relationships from friends to family.
- Start with Heart
- let her know what you appreciate
- Point out what the issue is
- Address how it makes you feel
- Ask her what you guys can do about it because you care about her and the relationship
This is the general gist of the program. Of course it goes more in depth in the program but these take always helped me a bunch.
Example: hey babe, thanks for all of the things you do but I wanted to talk to you about _____. I love that you _____ but this makes me feel like _____, making me think that (you don’t care about me, or whatever it makes you feel). I want to be honest with you about what I’m feeling and it makes me feel nervous to bring it up, but I love you and I’d love to hear your perspective about this so we can go forward even stronger.
This shows you care about her feelings, it shows you care about the relationship, it lets you open up about what the issue is, and it gives her the steering wheel. It won’t work if you have a direct tone. From my experiences, the way you say things matters way more than what you actually say to a lot of women. Hope this helps in any way
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