Hi…my problems didnt start the first time I had sex but the second time…I was 16 years old…and first time I was having sex was not with a regular person…in fact she was my stepmother…as hard as this is to believe, trust me is not your regular porn scene, I was raped, she wanted a massage and she was obviously attractive to me…my father was not in my life ever so I felt no empathy for him while doing this, I know I sound like an a hole but tha is the truth, my erections were always strong, in fact I would get them when im not supposed to, like school or church, I was forced to do things I didnt like since I remember, I grew up with a very abusive mother, so me falling for this stepmother of mine, was the beginning of this hell we call life, I was so relaxed when she touched me cause I didnt think she would later stimulate me sexually, I was so in shocked and she made me promise her I would bit tell anyone, I felt terrible, I had half sister with this woman how could she touched me if im related to her daughters, I was 16 and still thought logically, either way I wanted more but the second time is when I realize how bad my anxiety is cause my anxiety has been around for years since I remember, I couldnt get hard anymore, was not bug deal for her but after I left the house and the country where she lives for the next 10 months of high school, she kept messeging me about what happened and how she felt in love with me, I didnt want to hear it but it was a situation where I felt no love from my mother or father so she was all I had at that time, but this older woman kept talking about my ed problem how it wasnt normal and how her ex partners always were hard and ready, this comparisons destroyed me, mentally how can you be compared to someone at 16 to grown 30 tear old men? Anyways when I came back to her we kept having sex and the problem was always present always, the pressure of not pleasing her, of not being good enough like her exs and not being fats enough cause my “father” could come home anytime, however only certain times I was able to have a normal erection, was only when there was 0 anxiety but most of the time I would jerk off before going in, which was awkward amd embarrassing I had to do this which caused my erection to take forever, but when I would watch porn it took like 5 seconds to be hard and ready, but only when I had to have sex with my stepmom I was not like that until I was inside of her and always came inside, I was brutally molested mentally by this woman her comments always going from Im very good at sex too Im such a less of a man for not having erections like a normal man, finally after 5 years I cut her off my life which caused years of trauma, first time I gad sex with someone that wasn’t her I struggled as well, and now that im 23 Im with a beautiful woman that know about my issue but is also hard on her and it frustrates me , first time we had sex my heartbeat was so high I could her my heart punching my chest, but later after finally going inside, my erection problems were almost completely gone, I felt relief and happiness I finally felt normal, I finally was able to change positions even go in and out without losing it, but life liked to play a trick and brought the problem again, and has my girlfriend as well confused and sad, I keep telling her it is not that she is not attractive but that I am dealing with something bigger than I thought, I dont want to lose her cause of this, I need help and I want to be happy with her as she has been cause this is the reason im here, im sorry for everyone going through this…is not easy…it feels hopeless yet confusing that I can have a hard erection and then loose it before intercourse or during…love you all