Who the F...k is that inner critic?

I have performance anxiety since my late twenties. However, I have managed to push forward and have pretty good sex life. Quiet promiscuous while single yet struggling. Recently divorced after 25 years of great sex marriage and now I am having problems again.

The constant in my life is what I just learned here. Inner Critic to whom I owe all my performance anxiety. Through out my life I thought is was an evil spirt, a schizophrenic problem and to be honest I still don’t know who it is and why does it torture me with negative thoughts. If it were not for it I would be free and happy. Somebody please tell me and maybe how to kill it.


I hear your reason I tend to have this issue with a new partner is my main reason for ED, well that’s what I think but I want to be able to be ready in the honey moon stages of my new sexual relationship not get confident and comfortable once I know them as that’s natural as well but still want to feel I preform even if it’s a ONS!

Then mind just fcuks with my head at times however one thing I’ve learnt is sometimes the new partner does not arouse you properly so then your erections will naturally not be stiff as she does not excite you like you need to be, so then it’s not an ED issue but it’s been able to recognize that and be aware it’s not you all the time as you can only be aroused if you like what’s in front of you!

i come here to learn more about erectile dysfunction caused treatment and prevent i have tried meditate eating habits medication supplements no results i have not been in physiotherapy before and how effective it’s on erectile dysfunction

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Read the “untethered soul” by Michael Singer - you are listening to the constant chatter that your mind throws out. The thoughts you have are not you - just thoughts - ignore them - read the book- maybe consider a visit with a Psychiatrist who can diagnose you and recommend a Psychologist

I was chatting with a fellow member I met at a Live Mojo Connect meeting. We talked awhile and came on the idea of creating a sub group in the community for men like us who are in the alternative lifestyle (bdsm, swinging, Hotwife, etc) so we can share our experiences in a frank manner without offending others, and be able to openly discuss how ED is affecting our sex lives. Is that possible?

I’d like to join if you are successful in getting this kind of sun group together

I have been having it on anf off but very short-live but now for about a month i have a messed up situation where am failing almost in all attempt of penetration. Everytime i get hard am only ably to go upto foreplay… Just when done with penetration and am inside i feel like my mind is drawing into deep water unable to breath and off my penis deflate on a finger snap. Everytime am hope its going to work because am feeling calm during erection but my heart increases its rate very fast i can hear it on my breathing and combination of this and my mind bubbling is killing my moments dangerously fast…

I have a date tomorrow with a new girlfriend. She has told me she is ready for us to be sexually intimate. The anxiety and fear is already building up. I have been working on my inner critic and inner coach. Should I share with her what I am going through before we get started?

I’d say yes, tell her about it! It’s been (quite) a while since I was last with a sexual partner, so I will concede that talking about such a sensitive issue (especially on a first date) can be a bit awkward. But: a) open communication about sex will set a good precedent for both of you going forward, and b) if you like this woman a lot, she deserves to know about it; and c) if she judges you negatively for the issues you have, that’s her problem!

I first recognized my performance anxiety with my last sexual partner, but I don’t think I was mature enough at the time to discuss it openly (nor did I have enough self-knowledge to realize what was happening). But she was very understanding, and in fact was eager to help me overcome my issues (before I broke up with her…). What is your past experience like discussing anxiety with sexual partners? I think that your ‘new girlfriend’ will respond much better than you may fear, and your honesty will help to relieve the tension for both of you!

I used Mojo last year and it really helped. Maybe I should have kept going because things are back and probably never fully healed from before. I feel better over the past few days now that I am back on it. But I have questions about helping my wife. In the past, she has been very understanding and that always helped me get over everything faster. Now, she has been hurt. I think I said something that hurt her feelings after I couldn’t get it up one night. Didn’t mean to, but I obviously did. Any thoughts on how to help her? I’m trying to fix me and figure good sex may help, but it does increase the pressure on sex if she’s not right.


I have a very similar story although had no problems before my divorce.
Now it’s getting me down, trying to get in to new relationships with the issue of not performing.

Good plan, count me (us) in!

Sent you a private message with my contact info

Hi…my problems didnt start the first time I had sex but the second time…I was 16 years old…and first time I was having sex was not with a regular person…in fact she was my stepmother…as hard as this is to believe, trust me is not your regular porn scene, I was raped, she wanted a massage and she was obviously attractive to me…my father was not in my life ever so I felt no empathy for him while doing this, I know I sound like an a hole but tha is the truth, my erections were always strong, in fact I would get them when im not supposed to, like school or church, I was forced to do things I didnt like since I remember, I grew up with a very abusive mother, so me falling for this stepmother of mine, was the beginning of this hell we call life, I was so relaxed when she touched me cause I didnt think she would later stimulate me sexually, I was so in shocked and she made me promise her I would bit tell anyone, I felt terrible, I had half sister with this woman how could she touched me if im related to her daughters, I was 16 and still thought logically, either way I wanted more but the second time is when I realize how bad my anxiety is cause my anxiety has been around for years since I remember, I couldnt get hard anymore, was not bug deal for her but after I left the house and the country where she lives for the next 10 months of high school, she kept messeging me about what happened and how she felt in love with me, I didnt want to hear it but it was a situation where I felt no love from my mother or father so she was all I had at that time, but this older woman kept talking about my ed problem how it wasnt normal and how her ex partners always were hard and ready, this comparisons destroyed me, mentally how can you be compared to someone at 16 to grown 30 tear old men? Anyways when I came back to her we kept having sex and the problem was always present always, the pressure of not pleasing her, of not being good enough like her exs and not being fats enough cause my “father” could come home anytime, however only certain times I was able to have a normal erection, was only when there was 0 anxiety but most of the time I would jerk off before going in, which was awkward amd embarrassing I had to do this which caused my erection to take forever, but when I would watch porn it took like 5 seconds to be hard and ready, but only when I had to have sex with my stepmom I was not like that until I was inside of her and always came inside, I was brutally molested mentally by this woman her comments always going from Im very good at sex too Im such a less of a man for not having erections like a normal man, finally after 5 years I cut her off my life which caused years of trauma, first time I gad sex with someone that wasn’t her I struggled as well, and now that im 23 Im with a beautiful woman that know about my issue but is also hard on her and it frustrates me , first time we had sex my heartbeat was so high I could her my heart punching my chest, but later after finally going inside, my erection problems were almost completely gone, I felt relief and happiness I finally felt normal, I finally was able to change positions even go in and out without losing it, but life liked to play a trick and brought the problem again, and has my girlfriend as well confused and sad, I keep telling her it is not that she is not attractive but that I am dealing with something bigger than I thought, I dont want to lose her cause of this, I need help and I want to be happy with her as she has been cause this is the reason im here, im sorry for everyone going through this…is not easy…it feels hopeless yet confusing that I can have a hard erection and then loose it before intercourse or during…love you all

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Had issue with work colleague had sex with her did not ejaculate she said I did not find her attractive as the reason . I really fancy her but used viagra as thought it may improve performance, wish I hadn’t but on here for some advice and help.would really appreciate it thanks .

My sexual anxiety performance started in my early twenties, I was able to manage it and have good sex with my partner until my forties but all of a sudden, I just developed Anxiety having sex with my partner and anyone. At the moment, my sex life is tearing my life apart but I can tell you that I m still very active in doing video sex with multiple partner

Does this sound like you at all?

I don’t get erections randomly.
Like throughout the day… I basically never get them. I RARELY wake up with one. Almost never.
I’ll get hard watching porn or hooking up. But never seem to just get horny randomly.
Doctor said there’s nothing wrong with me.
Has anyone else had this and done anything to see any improvement?

I’ve been chatting to this girl on a dating app for the past few weeks and we get on really well and I’m really into her. she told me this week that she had a dirty dream about us. All of a sudden I had a moment of dread of panic and consciously thinking what happens if we do meet and things get serious and I have an incident where I can’t perform. Should I be honest with her at this point that I’m working things through with ED or am I just overthinking it?

I am not currently in an alternative type relationship, but have been and experienced anxiety there as well… would like to participate in this sub group

I will send you a private message