Negative; the girl was annoyed at my inability to finish
Actual event; the girl was fine with that and actually upset at how annoyed I was at myself at my inability to finish
Definitely did fortunately for the last few years
“You’re fucked, most likely it won’t get up again.” “Fuck that shit, let’s just go for it and just enjoy the moment even if it doesn’t get up. Focus on making it an amazing sexy, romantic moment.”
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“Fuck you broke the seal on this problem and you will always have this to worry about now” Learn not to gaf if it doesn’t get up and just enjoy the sensations and before your mind even realizes you’ll be hard
Negative: I have to interrupt the pace of sex to not finish quickly
Truth: My partner said they had a great time
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Negative: my partner doesn’tenjoy sex with me and isn’t satisfied with our relationship.
Truth: she tells me how much she likes it, she enjoys having sex with me
Negative: My partner was disappointed in my lack of a boner during quite a bit of foreplay.
Alternative: He might have just enjoyed the bonding and foreplay itself
Negative: I’ll never be able to be fully erect and enjoy sex again.
Catastrophizing and fortune telling
Alternative: Last time I was with a woman I lost my erection only when I started thinking about it instead of enjoying the moment. That can be fixed and most people achieve it.
I can’t keep my erection and everyone is laughing behind my back about it.
Catastrophizing.
There is no way everyone could know. It is unrealistic.
I’m only worth my erection and since I can’t keep one then I am worthless.
All-or-none thinking.
I hold value in other ways that make me a kind and honest human being. Erections aren’t a currency so ease up.
I lost my erection during foreplay and my partner is dissapointed
Mind reading
She seemed to really not mind, and still enjoyed my company
I lose my erection because I have done so many times before now.
All or nothing.
I know if I work at it, I’ll be able to get past this little blip in time
If my girlfriend feels my morning wood, She will want to have sex, but I will get stressed and lose my erection.
Fortune telling
It’s just as likely that I could keep my erection since I’ve done it in the past. My inner critic wants to protect me from the potential pain of a disappointing situation, but I’m also denying myself the opportunity to feel good and connect with my girlfriend.
Due to my lack of experience, I automatically think I’ll be terrible in bed. I have to remind myself of the times I’ve been intimate with a woman and they enjoyed it.
Fortune telling is what I’m doing wrong. “I lack experience so I must suck at sex”. It’s just not true and I need to remind myself that.
My lack of experience is what is contributing to my anxiousness about having sex. I will have experiences with more women in the future.
I lost my erection when she was going to put it in.
(-) Thought: it’s happening again, I’m a failure, there’s something wrong with me
Emotional reasoning
We have had sex before and positive sexual encounters. I have performance anxiety but I do respond to her interactions
Last time I wanted to have sex my girlfriend was trying on clothes for a trip. I was patiently waiting for her to finish to initiate sex. I was extremely exited and almost completely hard. When none of the clothing fit she became extremely upset, I stood to console her and she said don’t touch me. This immediately caused me to lose my erection and reset my performance anxiety. It now feels like it’s getting worse and keeps bouncing around in my head. I don’t hear it in my head when I think of or try to have sex but I know it’s affecting me.
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That I won’t be able to enjoys good a spontaneous sex life anymore
My partner will stop loving me if I can’t provide her good sex anymore
I won’t be able to find a partner if I can’t get hard
I will not last long during a sexual encounter