Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

What’s a common negative thought for you?
What alternative thought can you form?

-I let down my beautiful young partner because I lost my erection midway through sex.
-She didn’t seem to mind. She was very understanding. I was hard for most of the rest. I got hard again later and we had sex a second time. It was better.
-It was our first time having sex and I took a pill after we began so it took a while to take effect. It’s normal that I was stressed. It will be better next time.

I suppose my issue is that I am caught in a loop where I don’t even want to try. I want to please my partner but I just assume “I’m not getting hard tonight so why bother.” It makes us getting sexually intimate feel like homework. But kissing and connecting with our clothes on is a pleasure. I gotta reframe it.

I have always had a bad view of what sex is from porn as a child, I suppose I’ve structured it wrong. After failing once I had the inner thoughts that I am not even a man and that this is unfixable.

Last night I met a girl at the disco and I couldn’t get hard
This has happened many times in the past, but usually during first time sex (sometimes first few sex encounters, if there are any)
I guess I approach in an extremely anxious way any possibility of having sex with a new partner. Not enjoying the moment and fortune telling about what will go wrong. That’s irrational thinking because I know that when I manage to be relaxed I have no problems in get and give pleasure during sex

I don’t understand why this is happening every time. I even took the medication, and it didn’t work well for me. What does it say about me that I can’t get hard even if I take a Viagra with my sexy wife? She feels unloved and unattractive because of my failure to maintain an erection.
Facts - I am attracted to my wife. I get an erection when we kiss, and cuddle. She understands that I am struggling, and does not need sex to feel close to me. She feels close when I give her a massage, and when we spend time together and talk.

Last time when transitioning from foreplay to sex for the first time with a girl, I couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate.

I thought, "Why is this happening again?’ ‘Is she going to be willing again in the future?’ ‘I’m so sick of this, when we’re both so into it but my dick can’t catch up’

Foreplay was around 20 minutes, and I did get rock hard at some points. It is possible that my penis was no longer aroused enough later on. She also seemed super affectionate after I satisfied her with my fingers so I have no evidence that she won’t be willing again in the future. I will work to correct this and eventually I won’t have these issues anymore.

I have had 50% positive results with getting an erection lately. I am still overcoming the death of my wife of 30 years and only women I knew sexually. It’s normal for me to need an adjustment period to get comfortable with having sex with a different partner than I’ve known. I will be fine given more time and investment in my intimacy journey.

Last time I went to have sex , I went into it feeling confident that everything would be fine. Right before I couldn’t seem to get hard enough to penetrate, then my thoughts went to “ oh no what if I can’t get hard tonight” which means I was stressed about the whole situation, it was my first time with this partner which usually makes it a lot more stressful, afterwards my thoughts were negative about how she would think and feel about that

  • she seemed very understanding and didn’t seem to judge or care in anyway
  • I think I was a little stressed in the whole situation because it felt like she was a bit nervous aswell

Last time I had sex I had an erection, but I couldn’t cum. Negative thoughts: I need to cum to make my partner happy. If I don’t cum I’m not good at sex. This is happening again: this always happens during the first sexual experience I have with someone I’m really interested in.

alternative thoughts: My partner came, so he was aroused enough. He stayed and fell asleep in my arms.