Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

What’s a common negative thought for you?
What alternative thought can you form?

-I let down my beautiful young partner because I lost my erection midway through sex.
-She didn’t seem to mind. She was very understanding. I was hard for most of the rest. I got hard again later and we had sex a second time. It was better.
-It was our first time having sex and I took a pill after we began so it took a while to take effect. It’s normal that I was stressed. It will be better next time.

I suppose my issue is that I am caught in a loop where I don’t even want to try. I want to please my partner but I just assume “I’m not getting hard tonight so why bother.” It makes us getting sexually intimate feel like homework. But kissing and connecting with our clothes on is a pleasure. I gotta reframe it.

1 Like

I have always had a bad view of what sex is from porn as a child, I suppose I’ve structured it wrong. After failing once I had the inner thoughts that I am not even a man and that this is unfixable.

1 Like

Last night I met a girl at the disco and I couldn’t get hard
This has happened many times in the past, but usually during first time sex (sometimes first few sex encounters, if there are any)
I guess I approach in an extremely anxious way any possibility of having sex with a new partner. Not enjoying the moment and fortune telling about what will go wrong. That’s irrational thinking because I know that when I manage to be relaxed I have no problems in get and give pleasure during sex

I don’t understand why this is happening every time. I even took the medication, and it didn’t work well for me. What does it say about me that I can’t get hard even if I take a Viagra with my sexy wife? She feels unloved and unattractive because of my failure to maintain an erection.
Facts - I am attracted to my wife. I get an erection when we kiss, and cuddle. She understands that I am struggling, and does not need sex to feel close to me. She feels close when I give her a massage, and when we spend time together and talk.

Last time when transitioning from foreplay to sex for the first time with a girl, I couldn’t get hard enough to penetrate.

I thought, "Why is this happening again?’ ‘Is she going to be willing again in the future?’ ‘I’m so sick of this, when we’re both so into it but my dick can’t catch up’

Foreplay was around 20 minutes, and I did get rock hard at some points. It is possible that my penis was no longer aroused enough later on. She also seemed super affectionate after I satisfied her with my fingers so I have no evidence that she won’t be willing again in the future. I will work to correct this and eventually I won’t have these issues anymore.

1 Like

I have had 50% positive results with getting an erection lately. I am still overcoming the death of my wife of 30 years and only women I knew sexually. It’s normal for me to need an adjustment period to get comfortable with having sex with a different partner than I’ve known. I will be fine given more time and investment in my intimacy journey.

Last time I went to have sex , I went into it feeling confident that everything would be fine. Right before I couldn’t seem to get hard enough to penetrate, then my thoughts went to “ oh no what if I can’t get hard tonight” which means I was stressed about the whole situation, it was my first time with this partner which usually makes it a lot more stressful, afterwards my thoughts were negative about how she would think and feel about that

  • she seemed very understanding and didn’t seem to judge or care in anyway
  • I think I was a little stressed in the whole situation because it felt like she was a bit nervous aswell

Last time I had sex I had an erection, but I couldn’t cum. Negative thoughts: I need to cum to make my partner happy. If I don’t cum I’m not good at sex. This is happening again: this always happens during the first sexual experience I have with someone I’m really interested in.

alternative thoughts: My partner came, so he was aroused enough. He stayed and fell asleep in my arms.

Last time I had sex, I was hard throughout foreplay, but when I went to put the condom on, my erection went soft. I was in shock that it was happening again and tried to rush sex to revive it. I felt like I had disappointed my partner, that something was wrong with me, that my ED was permanent. Most importantly, I was in shock that this was happening to me: I’ve always had great sex drive and had never really had problems like this before. My partner was supportive. This was the first time meeting so I was nervous. I overreacted to the situation.

In a new relationship with an older woman. We’ve both got kids so in my mind I know she’d had sex before. That’s no problem.

What I struggle with is wanting to be the best I can for her and not wanting to be disappointed on her first time with me, which she wasn’t.

I was dissatisfied with myself as my erection would come and go, but I just couldnt do it.

Last time we had sex, I lost my erection. It felt like a return to problems that I’d had previously. I felt like I’d let my partner down ; that she would construe it as me saying that I wasn’t enjoying the moment or didn’t find her attractive. I had the ice water feeling of knowing it was going soft, and then the dread of her knowing it too.

Facts - my partner didn’t mind. We’d had penetrative sex twice in the previous 24 hours with no issue, both of which went to completion.

Facts - I know I can maintain an erection if I just get out of my own head, and stop spectatoring. I need to enjoy the moment and be I. It

2 Likes
  • I can’t even go from foreplay to intercourse without going limp, I’ll never be able to satisfy her.
  • Sex doesn’t always have to be about intercourse, there’s other ways to please
  • if I can get hard by myself, I can get hard with a beautiful woman

I feel like I’m letting my partner down when I fail to maintain an erection. I’m afraid that I’ll make her feel unattractive and miserable. I’m afraid that she will become fed up and simply leave.

The truth is: I’m crazy about my partner. I think she’s beautiful. I get hard just thinking about her. She’s also understanding and sweet. I know she loves being intimate with me and doesn’t see me as a walking dildo for her to use whenever. I know she wants me for me.

“No way I’m going to get hard”

“If relaxed, an erection can be achieved”

Evidence- when not stressed, no fight or flight, elections have been easily attained and high probability to be achieved.

  • will this ever end > it can be overcome with self talk and confidence building; there is nothing wrong with me physically
  • I’m keep disappointing her and eventually I won’t be enough for her and she’ll leave me > she has stayed this long and is still committed, she will be patient and understanding as I work my way through this and will work with me because we’re on the same side here
  • I can get hard during foreplay and make her orgasm first with fingering to take the pressure off of myself
  • it makes sense that I’m stressed when I’m around her when all I’m thinking about is how the sex will be, I should just enjoy the time with her and the rest will come more easily
3 Likes

Last time I went to have sex I was fortune telling before she had even came over. I had previously failed to get an erection with this girl a previous time. I had thoughts like “I probably won’t get hard again”.
Then I was already anxious about it when it was time for her to come over. I nearly rescheduled because I was worried I wouldn’t get hard again.
We started kissing and I was touching her, as soon as I knew I wasn’t getting hard I started thinking “it’s happening again” and started to get frustrated and killing all chance of me getting hard. I thought she’s definitely going to go tell her friends and laugh about it.

I set myself up for failure from the beginning with negative thoughts. I did have a big day and was tired so that may have been a contributing factor. She told me she didn’t actually care at all and was excited as she was happy with what I was doing with my hands and was keen to try again. She has still been messaging me since and wants to try again. I will be more relaxed next time and have more confidence.

The last time I had sex I was with my girlfriend, and we had had very passionate foreplay. But during the foreplay I was worried that I would not be able to get hard. I wanted the foreplay to continue and I didn’t want the sex to start because I didn’t want to have to deal with that pressure. My problem has always been that I’m worried about how long I’ll last, and so it makes it hard for me to get it up. I think it’s because a few times in my life I haven’t lasted that long.

But oftentimes, I have lasted long, and I’ve been able to have sex. So I know my body can do it. I need to be more merciful and trusting of my body. It does a lot for me, and sometimes it might not last as long, and that’s ok

Can’t believe it’s happening again, I’m never going to find sex fun

There were so many other issue that could have led to this. I did get hard as well