Last time I couldn’t get an erection. Only happened once or twice before, this’ll happen more often in the future. She told me she still felt amazing, but I bet she just wants to make me feel better.
Overgenerization and disqualifying the positive.
It hasn’t happened every time. I have no evidence that it will happen next time. She still really enjoyed it.
It was our last day together for a while because long distance, and i had been super nervous the whole day. I really wasn’t that in the mood and my body was stressed.
The last few time we’ve had sex, I’ve had a hard time getting/staying hard. I know it’s all in my head, and it makes me very frustrated. I should just be able to switch off my anxieties, instead of catastrophizing that they’ll undermine my happiness.
In reality, our sex life is complicated. My partner rarely wants sex - hardly ever. So it happens on her terms, when she says so. And when we do want sex, she wants it to happen with little to no foreplay, and to be over as quickly as possible. So it’s huge pressure on me to be instantly hard (when she’s ready), and to be able to finish quickly (because she wants it to be done quickly).
I am not going to get hard, so this is all pointless. She won’t want to see me again because who wants to have a hook up that cant get hard?
Facts - I’ve been hard 1,000 of times before in the past. She said she has a great evening and wants to see me again.
“I can’t last long enough to satisfy my wife.” It happens often but I know that sometimes I can last long enough - I just tell myself I can’t and it is a self fulfilling prophecy
Why am I not horny
Why can’t I get it up for her .
Why am I not erect during 4 play
This is my first romantic relationship and when I’m able to stay out of my head it’s great for both of us but I feel like I spend so much time in my head that foreplay barely happens because I’m afraid I won’t be able to stay hard during it. Then when we are actively having sex I’m afraid to try new positions because I start thinking again and taking myself out of the moment. Then I get embarrassed and feeling like a failure. This has been happening for a year now and she hasn’t left me yet so I need to change my thinking to that she wants to be with me but I’m afraid of the self fulfilling prophecy.
1 Like
I felt like a failure and less of a man because I couldn’t get hard enough to have sex. Catastrophizing
+Not less of a man, it is but an organ which you have no concious control over.
I felt like shit because I hurt her and this tiny issue killed the mood enough to kill the sex. Over generalization & Catastrophizing & Mind reading
+She stilll had a great time and said so.
-She wants penetration, is getting tired of this.
+Hence I am working on it because I’m a good bf
Last time I had sex I was struggling to get fully erect. I finally did, but it was very strong and I wasn’t able to enjoy it or cum. I thought to myself maybe I need porn to get cum. I also thought I was letting her down because I was struggling to stay hard. I also thought I was doing a poor job.
I don’t need porn to cum. I can masterbate just using my imagination or to photos fully clothed. I didn’t let her down because she was moaning and calling out my name. I didn’t do a poor job because she told my friends it was really good, was moaning and squeezing me as hard as she could.
1 Like
I am fit, what is wrong with me? Is this permanent? Is something more wrong with me?
Do I have to be in love and have perfect conditions every time? Will I ever be able to have a long term thing?
I am healthy and am able to get hard on my own or automatically, meaning this must be a mental problem, which I can fix, as my physical side is already handled.
I usually am turned on most by those I have a strong connection with and that isnt bad, when I really want something casual and its the right person Ihave no problem, only when I try to force it.
Negative thoughts:
- I am frozen and numb with no prospect of changing and loosening up, it’s embarrassing and they have noticed that this is weird.
- Why can’t I enjoy these things that others do all the time and have fun with? I should be able to function more normally and not feel so isolated.
Fact-checks:
1)They clearly enjoyed it and found attractive/desirable.
2) Many others, including him, have had similar erection and psychological issues before, it’s not just me.
Last time i had sex, i went soft after putting it in.
Thoughts in the moment:
- I am going to go soft
- I cannot believe this is happening again
Fact Checking:
- I have been able to get erections, and have had sex with my girlfriend plenty of times. I was able to finish from head recently, so it is very possible I could stay hard and finish from sex
- This has happened a total of 5 times since i’ve been able to stay hard during sex. It started as feeling sick during sex and stopping myself from finishing early, at which point i lost my erection. This manifested itself into anxiety and paranoia.
Alternative thought:
- I am not going to go soft because I am starting to have sex. I will only lose my erection if I am not turned on or am anxious.
- This has only been happening recently, it had a clear trigger, and the cause is known.
Thinking I wouldn’t be able to get hard enough or loose my erection for sex.
catastrophic
Not 100 percent since ur inexperienced
just think positively, she’s hot, you’re healthy, so this will go well
I couldn’t get it up I might as well not have a dick at all and be a castrated slave. I want to kill myself if I can’t have regular sex again
1 Like
Useful weekly exercise. I’ll keep adding to it.
I had a beautiful girl right in front of me and I let her down because I got nervous and went flat the moment we were about to have sex.
After that it just kept happening again.
It was my first time having sex after a long relationship I had every right to be nervous.
I have let my wife down Because i stuggle to get hard during foreplay so she thinks im not into her. Which is not the case because she is beautiful
1 Like
I have taken a pill and still can’t get up there’s something wrong with me, I’m not good enough. Fact - I know she loves me whether we have sex or not, it doesn’t make me a failure just because I can’t get it up
I had sex 2 days ago and I maintained an erection during certain durations, I suffer from that consistently though where I get hard at the beginning but lose it in between sexual movements or just slowly going soft while having sex but in this case, I lost it and couldn’t get it up after.
Negative thoughts were : “Here we go again man, Wtf”
“I just fucking knew it”
I have had certain periods where I didn’t experience it all the way, it’d happen for bits and I’m g2g but certain moments it just be terrible.
My alternative thoughts would be : “Don’t make a problem where there isn’t any”
“Just feel good in your body and enjoy the moment”
“Don’t think about what could happen, instead allow the moment to unfold”
“Don’t put pressure on your self”
1 Like