Negative Thoughts

How do you stop negstive thoughts about performance anxiety? Espicially before sex?

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Generally box breathing, affirmations and talking myself through any negative thoughts I might be experiencing (but really important that you talk yourself through it out loud and use “I” statements)

I try to breathe and relax, but the anxiety almost always takes over. If I’m able to relax enough to get erect, and begin sex, then I have to overcome the “ stay hard stay hard stay hard “ in your head.

Honestly I cant. It may work for a few minutes beforehand, but once it’s time, I can’t overcome that rush. It honestly just depends on whether it’s a good or a bad day

Breath work for me, relaxes me and I kind of mentally “let go”

I notice the times I can’t perform or come to quickly that I’m holding tension in my body and have no awareness of my breath. I’m not present in the moment. I’m fighting anxiety. I am going to use these exercises and meditations to overcome the negative thoughts. They do not serve me.

Not sure. I can use some tips.

What can you do when you’re wife tells you, she isn’t physically/sexually attracted to you?

I find for me that getting to know the person more decreases my anxiety. Of course this can have the opposite effect and I might find some traits of their personality that turn me off even more!

If I’m having negative thoughts, I simply acknowledge their presence but do not yield, and I try to relax as much as possible by focusing on my breath and being present in the moment,and proceed with sex. If I made more progress than last time, then that’s a win! If the negative thoughts break through, I simply take it as a lesson and don’t put myself down but rather congratulate myself for trying and staying consistent with my journey for better sex regardless of my shortcomings. You reading this on this app is a huge win already for taking initiative for yourself!

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I wish I could go thru the course faster.

When I 1st started this course a few weeks ago, I had like 5 or 6 consecutive very good sexual experiences. Really in a bad place now though. It’s like a foregone conclusion that my fucking dick won’t work. I finish her orally and then just sit there stewing and embarrassed and enraged.

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I don’t. Once they’re there it’s a wrap

@qualified-gold-flamingo That sounds really bad for you. Hang on in there. Maybe this phase will pass for you and will just have been a blip.
I think the course maybe deliberately runs a bit slow to practise the exercises and instil a sense of calm but that must be difficult for you right now. I hope things improve for you soon and you get some confidence or pleasure from what you can do together in the meantime. Take care of yourself. :muscle:

I think it’s less to do with stopping them and more to do with accepting that they’re there and that they aren’t true. I find that fighting the thoughts can actually make me more anxious. Being ready an accepting of anxious thoughts can make them have less of an effect on you, sort of like knowing where the jump scares are in a horror film ahead of time.

I’m new here so I haven’t managed it yet…

It used to be I only had election issues the first few times I had sex with a new partner and then it would pass and I’d be fine. But it’s progressed to being something I suffer with most of the time. I now use pills to overcome it but I’m worried I will become too reliant on them.

Today before work my girlfriend wanted to have sex and I couldn’t get it up all I was thinking in my head was why am I not getting hard, I’m not sure why because occasionally it is fine as a matter of fact I was able to get it up a few minutes before!

With some practice I’ve been able to calm my mind so there are no active thoughts about performance BUT the anxiety is still there in my body, sitting like a heavy dark cloud of tension in my brain. I’m working on meditating daily to practice calming truly calming myself with breath.

I’m also practicing visualizing my inner coach that comes in with an imagined music cue and melts away that dark cloud. I’ve been dealing with this anxiety for decades so it may take a while to defeat but I’m optimistic.