I started having problems due to multiple medical factors. (Low testosterone caused by sleep apnea and a pituitary prolactinoma) Treating these conditions helped, but the negative thought loop had already begun. It hasn’t helped that my mind has refused to accept the possibility that my ed was anything other than a medical issue leading me to pills that helped in the short term but eventually made the problem worse. Having finally accepted that the issue is psychological, I’m learning to turn around those negative thoughts around.
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Last time we had sex I couldn’t maintain my erection to finish
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I knew this would happen, fuck, I know there is something wrong with me. (all or nothing, over generalisation)
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Is she going to be satisfied with me, can I keep her happy. (catastrophising / fortune telling)
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Am I attracted to her, maybe there is something wrong with us, with our chemistry. (all or nothing, catastrophising).
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You had sex with her last night, it was amazing, and you did so without pills.
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You can satisfy her, have done. She has shared this with you and you’ve had the most amazing experiences together.
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You get hard when you see her, when you talk to her…and the closer you get the most intimacy and comfort trust builds. Relax and give yourself to this.
- My girlfriend was on top of me riding and I could still not get hard.
- (In my head) “what is wrong with me” and “I am surely broken” and “why can’t I get hard”
- At the time, you were a virgin, so it was essentially your first time ever in that situation.
Category: overgeneralizing
-I can’t believe I can’t get hard with this beautiful girl in my bed, I was nervous and my thoughts took over, I love her but this is embarrassing and I need an excuse
-I bet I can get this up, if not I’m a falia
before my partner came over, I was worried that I would not be able to have sex that night (fortune telling), I wasn’t able to get hard that night but she was actually very understanding. The rest of the night honestly went pretty well but I did’t really realize it until now. I heard through a friend of hers that I was able to pleasure her in other ways even though I couldn’t have sex with her that night. When she left that night I thought she wouldn’t want to see me again but we’re still talking. I’m being way too hard on myself, its all going to be okay
-Once I lose my erection, I feel like it only gets more difficult for me not to have thoughts like “I will not be able regain or maintain an erection for the rest of the session”
-When I lose an erection during sex, I feel like my wife is disappointed. Even though I can switch to toys and continue, I feel like it’s a frustrating stop in the action for both of us.
-I feel like my wife will think that I am not sexually attracted to her and that thought makes me feel more nervous.
I felt like Im high school I wanted to have sex. When the time came my body failed me. It couldn’t stay erect at insertion, and it was a struggle. I tried bjs and getting in it, but now all I thought about was being hard. I was out of the moment, and my body was reacting. My dick thought he is stressed, let’s get blood out of here.
So now aim learning that it’s ok and guys have this happen regularly. I have had sex afterwards and gotten hard. Had a few beers or many, but still my dick works. And I can last pretty long. My partners don’t say anything after negatively. So I speak for them negatively.
“She must think I am not attracted to her anymore”. Which leads to “one of these days she will look elsewhere for satisfaction.”
Clearly mind reading, fortune telling/catastrophizing.
The truth is even though I could not keep my erection, she had an orgasm and so did I. We had fun and laugh during and after sex. She even told me that last night was fun!
Now why can’t I take this at face value and be happy about this?
I failed to get it up with a girl on a first date. We kept trying again and again that night but it just wouldn’t work, as soon as it happened once my mind spiralled and I knew every time we started to try again it wasn’t gonna work. I have been so reluctant to get back into dating since that experience.
It was a pretty awkward date and I was just gonna head home afterwards but she invited me back to hers. Even before we got back to her flat I felt pretty uncomfortable. But I had never had any erection issues before so even though I felt uncomfortable I just assumed it would all work when we got to bed, I didn’t even think about it. I’d only done casual sex a couple of times before but I’d had no issues, and I’d previously been in a relationship for 4 years with absolutely no problems whatsoever.
It just seemed to come out of nowhere and since that night I have been struggling to shake off the “its gonna happen again, its never gonna work, something must be broken and its not gonna get fixed” thoughts.
When I think about it rationally, I’ve had one failure vs countless times in the past where I have had great sex with no issues so these negative thoughts seem mental. But sometimes they are so hard to shake off, even when I’m by myself just having a wank.
But I know there is nothing wrong, I went to the doctors and I have no issues, I just need to take control of these thoughts and deal with them in a rational way in order to rebuild my confidence in my penis.
I had the opportunity to have sex with someone I have wanted to have sex with for a while. We go back to hers, as I’m sitting on the couch the negative thoughts started and the fortune telling kicked in. Foreplay - no erection, so I went down on her and she wanted me to penetrate. I felt embarrassed and useless that I couldn’t. Even more, the fact that I finally got the opportunity to have sex with her an failed. This happened all night.
Positives - I still got an erection when we cuddled and kissed at times. Later on in the night I went down on her with my tongue and fingers and made her cum twice which she loved and showed affection to me after. She also messaged me 2 days later.
Can’t help but fortune tell again if we have another encounter
I had a negative thought that my erection problems would never go away because I failed to get and erection and I cummed really fast. There is no evidence to say that I won’t recover from it . I may have been stressed that one time. It probably won’t happen again.
Last time I went to have sex I couldn’t maintain an erection when it came to penetration. I got it up by touching myself and despite being inside briefly I lost my erection again.
I felt
My girlfriend flew up to see me, and I couldn’t get hard the first night she was there. I though that she was going to leave and not want to spend more time with me. The next day we ended up having sex in the morning and it turned out to be an incredible few days together.
My wife feel soo good tonight why am i not getting hard.
I hope she doesn’t feel like this is because of her looks or her body at all.
She has told me in the past that she feels like she isnt that attractive, but is that still true? We have talked about this did she hear me?
If i cant get it up how will i ever be able to get her pregnant.
When she touches me i start too but will i be able to keep it up? Does it embarrass her or make her feel any less.
We just watched something hot together why am i not hard?
I am so dissatisfied with the size of my penis and the fact I can get hard but before penetration on many occasions it goes soft and I PE which I know disappoints my latest partner who now has dumped me because of it. She so t tell me it’s because of my dick etc snd says it’s not me it’s her but I know she is trying not to hurt my feelings
Last night my dick got soft midway through sex. That had not happened for a while. It all started with me thinking “What if it happens tonight again” then it quickly went to “I’m feeling anxious about it, therefore it will happen for sure”. This is an example of fortune telling. I need to get rid of this thoughts, this only started happening recently with my current partner. Thinking about it rationally, I have had pleasant sex countless times before, nothing is wrong with me.
If I don’t always sexually satisfy my partner then she’ll get it from someone else. There is no evidence my partner would ever do anything like that she gets very aroused and excited to see me. Although there have been a few rare cases where I’ve gotten soft she’s always been understanding and i don’t only provide value to her sexually. I am more than just my sexual aspect and it’s ok to be imperfect sexually because that gives her permission to be imperfect too. Sometimes one partner won’t be in the mood or won’t be erect and that’s ok it’s nothing to stress over.
This one’s hard to do when you know what your partner actually is disappointed lol. Our issue is that she really does just want penatrative sex so i don’t really have a plan b that i can fallback to in order to still have fun and satisfy her.
-Just cause you got it up and had sex last night, doesn’t mean you’ll get it up again tonight.
-Disqualifying the positive
-You got it up and had sex last night! That means things are working and headed the right direction.
-Things are working! Evidence shows you can achieve success, which means you can achieve more.
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My main issue is getting it up at any situation. My penis just doesn’t seem to respond at all anymore. Whether I’m masturbating by myself or having sex. And I experience fortune telling and Categorical Imperative during these moments.