Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

I was embarresed because i couldnt get it up and felt likr my partner felt let down, but really she kept liking me after that.
My long distance girlfriend ended it after the first time we failed in sex, it felt awful and killed the vibe flr the whole weekend

Last time i got hard during kissing with clothes on but when the clothes started to come I started to lose my erection

Negative thoughts:
Why is this happening
Stop getting small
She will leave if i cant get hard

Alternative thoughts:
I have still made her cum using alternative methods. I will keep trying and continue practicing and the outcome will be better.

I lost my erection when I was receiving oral.
-You might be incapable of being stimulated orally (Overgeneralization)
-Your partner is disappointed that she cannot satisfy you. (Mind reading)

Alternative thoughts:

  • I need to continue to explore with my partner how she can stimulate me best.
  • My partner said she is patient and I should believe her.
  • If I’m not able to have sex with this girl, then she’ll become frustrated and won’t want to talk to me ever again

  • If she decides not to talk to me anymore just because I wasn’t able to get it up, then she clearly isn’t the right girl for me. I deserve to be with someone who I am comfortable with and be more vulnerable to.

I’m losing my erection. But I got it back. And I have before.

  • oh my god this is the worst case scenario I can’t get hard for her right now (catastrophizing)

  • how do I make an excuse for this I feel like she’ll see right through it (mind reading)

  • there was little foreplay involved and when we do foreplay I can get hard. It’s not the worst thing in the world to not get an erection straight away

  • she told me that sex is not what matters to her in our relationship. I believe her when she said this.

  • I have had plenty of sexual experiences where I have gotten hard and maintained an erection. I know I can do it.

  • this is not the first or the last time a girl will deal with this. It is incredibly common and not a big deal. Even when I’ve had trouble getting it up before I’ve always eventually come around and been able to after a bit of time.

I couldn’t stay hard throughout sex I got soft and I felt like he would think im not into him and that he’s with someone that can’t stay hard. But he was very understanding and it’s never happend before and I was able to get and stay fully hard two days later!

  • I’m not going to get hard because i know it doesnt work

  • shes going to break up with me unless we have sex and one of us finishes

  • i should be able to have sex at anytime bc thats what normal men are like

  • it works sometimes so this will be the sometime it works

  • she wants to help and wants a future so she won’t

  • every guy has trouble sometimes

There have been periods, weeks even, that I have been able to get turned on easily and stay hard. Also outside of sex my partner and I have a great relationship

-There must be something wrong with me.
-I’m fear this issue will last forever with me and my wife and that she will eventually leave me
-if I don’t get it up I will feel like a failure and I will disappoint my wife

-per my blood work there is nothing wrong with me physiologically, including testosterone
-I have been able to get it up multiple times in the near past, just with a little bit of work and the right mindset
-I don’t have to get it up every time. I am not a failure regardless if I get it up. I have had many high successes in my life.

-i have been stressed lately and my wife has been away most of the week. It makes sense it’s difficult for me to connect and get it up

  • it has been ingrained in me to perform successfully as a child in sports. It makes sense why I would think this way

catastrophizing and overgeneralization. I believe my partner is happy with me but she’s still disappointed when I can’t perform. I need to better to not tear myself down because it perpetuates the issue

The last time I had sex, it was a casual encounter. In the back of my mind, I was nervous because I have had problems with losing erections with new sex partners in the past. Instead of enjoying the moment, I started looking for things that would cause it. I literally focused on her pussy being too wet as the reason why I couldn’t orgasm and I got softer and softer. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Then I got angry at myself for disappointing both of us, and I felt anxious and tense. I predicted I would lose my erection, and it definitely happened. I felt very frustrated.

I initiated sex after nibbing thr tinyest amouny of viagra, trying to lower the dose. I was rock hard during foreplay but lost the firmness right after the first penetration. Thought:1. it happens again, if i loose it i can’t get it back up. 2. She is having a hard time because is trying too hard do make me hard. 3.Even though she had a few orgasms she wants penetration tonfell completly satisfied. 4. She is upset and will probably leave me.

Fact: 1. There have been times in the past where i lost the erection during foreplay and regained it to have good sex.
2. She never said she had a hard time or that she did not enjoy it
3.she never said she wants penetration and seemed pretty satisfied and exhausted.
4. She was tired after the hardest and longest day at work. Not upset at me.

-We met two times and couldn’t get hard , was stressed and looking for performance (
mind reading - she think I’m a loser) → I was stressed because we had some medical test

-She gonna ghost me for someone else (catastrophizing) → Just a casual plan plan , my life can continue.

-I feel low value men if I can’t get sex with a women (emotional reasoning) → I must try with other women

Why is this happening to me I am young, what is wrong with me?

I can’t use my hands and mouth forever, she will get bored and move on. Frustrated that I can’t give it all to her, also hopeless and annoyed that I am missing out due to my impotence.

It was only our second time together, I could still be getting comfortable.

I made her cum other ways, and told me she feels relaxed and safe around me, that sex isn’t as important to her and that I don’t have to feel bad .

Its okay to not be aroused at the same time or to the same level as my partner, everyone is different.

Damn why am I not getting hard, why is it happening again
Cmon cmon
I overthink and it becomes a spiral

1 - My dick doesn’t work, we’re doing foreplay and it doesn’t get hard - Reframe: Actually it doesn’t get hard because I’m constantly checking. If I just let it be it will be hard.
2 - I’m hard, she’s wet, I could go on and have sex, but I’ll probably lose erection if I fail to enter her at first try or even when inside her - Reframe: I’m hard and excited, she’s too, when inside her it’ll be even better, enjoy the plesaure and the connection
3 - If I can’t do it, she’ll leave me - Reframe: Gice her pleasure, she’ll stay, tomorrow is another day

My main thought is how do I get and keep an erection without the blue pill :thinking:

Yep

I worry about having sex because of a fear of failure to get hard. It is the thought of failure that causes the failure. My erections work great during foreplay and when I’m alone, so I know it’s not a physical problem but a mental block.
I worry that my partner will get bored if it takes awhile for me to overcome this problem. I made her orgasm twice without intercourse and I know I will get over this soon. I’ve been so close and just psych myself out right at the moment of truth.