Reprogram your negative thoughts exercise

The last time me and my wife had sex I lost my erection midway. She was disappointed and so was I. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this issue. She was disappointed but she also tried her best to make me relax and tried to touch me to get me hard. I am working on getting over the issue. I’m feeling more confident. She was disappointed but she was understanding. I will get better at dealing with my issue.

I couldn’t have sex with my wife on the couch or the bed. I was spectating and lost my erection.

“You will lose the erection just before we start” - Fortune telling

“I will probably be able to hold my erection as I do when masturbating. I should stop spectating”

“There you go you are going soft again” - Catastrophizing
“It’s scientific to harden and soften constantly”

I seem to get soft the moment I perceive my girlfriend isn’t enjoying the sex as much.
Fact: my gf will tell me if she isn’t liking it. If she hasn’t said anything its because she’s enjoying jt. I need to relax more into the moment.

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Only the hard facts, I see.

What if it goes soft again. Is the thought I always have. That what if is scary and I freeze up. It has worked so many time though. I just need to feel that confidence again where it feels natural. I do fortune tell as well, I am nervous about losing an erection hours before I know that my wife and I will be alone.

However this also makes me think that I should be able to do it and what is wrong now that I can’t. It also makes me less willing to try as I don’t want to us both to be disappointed.

My wife is disappointed in me. Is another thought. I think this one is true because it is an ongoing issue. However we have been together 6 years with so much good sex.

I always think what should I focus on as well which is me in my head already.

I wasn’t hard while she was grinding on my dick.

She must be noticing it and thinking what is wrong with me. Instead, she was probably still enjoying herself and would have played with it until it got hard when she took it out of my boxers.

She is faking an orgasm to make me feel better. She probably is actually cumming and isn’t even thinking about how hard my cock was during foreplay.

I haven’t been able to get get or hold an erection without my wife performing oral sex lately. Negative thoughts: This problem has haunted me most of my life I can’t get past it. She has to be frustrated and unsatisfied sexually. Alternative thoughts: This happens every winter. The house is kept too cold and the blood is rushing from ALL extremities. You don’t have this problem that often on the the summer. Heat up the house before sex.

I don’t get hard during foreplay/kissing sometimes, which makes me feel frustrated, however for some reason if I stand up whilst kissing with my partner I get an erection which she can then work with to make it stronger. Fact: I’m extremely attracted to my girlfriend but the fact that sometimes it works completely fine and other times it doesn’t means it’s all just in my mind

Last time I was with my girl friend I couldn’t get an erection. It has happened every time so I know it will happen again. I have started getting more morning erections so I am working towards improving this problem. The awkward conversation we had about why I don’t want to orgasm felt weird. It makes sense why I can’t get an erection because it is just constantly on my mind. I think this falls into Disqualifying the positive. Because at the end of the day, I would like to believe that I am slightly improving.

I’ve certainly experienced regular generalising thoughts, as well as catastrophizing, mind reading and fortune telling. It’s become entrenched in my thinking that I’m having to retrain my thinking to outwardly project to my wife positives thoughts and feelings rather than being silent about it.

I started having this problem due to vaping like crazy… It happens, once, twice, and so on. I had heart problems even though I am in good shape. Everything was due to vaping. I quit 5 months ago, and I am still struggling with ED. At the beginning I used Tadalafil 5mg a day for 3 months and the seemed to work just fine (I thought this was physical 100%. Eventually they stopped working. Then I stopped at the same time I found mojo. I had great sex for a couple of weeks, I thought I was cured. But again it happened, I am still working on it. Hope I can get rid of this negative thoughts in the future. PD DONT/STOP VAPING :slight_smile:

Once the negative seed is planted, it starts to consume me like a black fog. My last attempted sexual encounter was a complete failure. The only positive thoughts I have are when I was present and not in my head other times with this girl, the sex was really good.

My new partner and I had sex for the first time recently. I was nervous going into it because I had some trouble keeping it up with my previous (also new) partner. I tried to focus on sensations during foreplay but got into my head because I wasn’t rock-hard when she wanted to start having sex.

She helped me, and everything was fine, but then I lost it and couldn’t proceed. I was very frustrated and embarrassed.

This to me was an example of overgeneralizatoon, fortune telling, and categorical imperative.

Last time, during foreplay I didn’t get hard. My fiancee can tell and she is very supportive, but I feel like I am letting her down. I fortune tell and tell myself it will keep happening. But I do not know that. I am healthy, young, in shape. It is likely in my head. I tell myself I must get hard as soon as foreplay starts, but that doesn’t need to happen.

I think I’m not going to get hard or if I do it won’t last. I don’t even know what started this. If I’m hard during foreplay I loose it just before penetration although we do persist and just before the moment I feel hard

I recently had a sexual encounter where I was with a girl who I met for a second date. I wasn’t planning on sleeping with her at the end of the date but she invited me into her bedroom. Being a guy who hadn’t had a even a date in a couple months I decided to just go with it. After I’d finished pleasuring her, which she definitely seemed to really enjoy. She started pleasuring me. This was fine initially but as it went on my thoughts drifted to “I’ve got to stay hard” and “I need to cum otherwise what is the point”. In the end I got somewhat hard but I couldn’t cum and we just went to sleep after about an hour.
I remember having all or nothing thoughts during foreplay thinking if I can’t get hard and have sex then the whole interaction is pointless. Looking back, I was pretty anxious and honestly not that into the girl so that must have played a big part in my inability to relax and just enjoy the interaction. Clearly she enjoyed it so there was nothing to worry about on that end, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had to be rock hard and cum. Obviously, this scenario wasn’t set up to be the most enjoyable and my expectations of what I should have been able to do made it worse.
Since then, I have been taking part and this course and have had pretty good erections when I’ve been on my own. I need to learn to enjoy sexual encounters, be less bothered about how hard I am, and not be so all or nothing about the the outcome.

I am not a failure. I am very successful and have a great life. My wife loves me

It was my first with her, we met through online dating. I finished early. I apologised. She said,why apologise? As if to say nothings wrong. I didn’t believe her and I continued to spiral out of the moment.

I was stressed from the get go. Fearing i would lose the opportunity in future.

But she’s already mentioned catching up again. Which sort of goes to show how powerful distortion can be when you’re in fight or flight mode. I’m optimistic about our next encounter.

I have always had some anxiety related situational ED. I’ve managed very well over the years with my beautiful wife, using meds when necessary etc. overall we have had nearly 2 decades of fantastic sex. A couple of months ago, my wife surprised me with wanting to have sex in the middle of the day and so I had not taken any meds. I was nervous before starting and I lost my erection going from foreplay to sex and got so upset I couldn’t recover. Since then, I have tons of anxiety about getting and keeping an erection and have not been able to successfully have sex. I KNOW I can get back to where we were, but it’s REALLY difficult emotionally. We finally talked a lot about it and I’m finally feeling some hope that I’m making progress.