I am in the top 1% of both length and girth, so I need to fill twice as much volume as the next guy. Before you think of envying me, think of how much harder that extra load is too maintain. Also, the women don’t scream in extacy at it all. Too often, the longer length makes it painful to them. Also, condoms are like boa constrictors trying to squeeze the blood out. Couple that with partial ED, and it’s really not much fun!
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Original thought: I need to have an erection as soon as she touches my penis.
New thought: The fact that she’s touching my penis must mean that she’s really interested in me.
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Original thought: I couldn’t finish and went soft
New thought: I lasted a long time
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Thank you for the perspective I’d never considered that.
My thought was that I should have been enjoying my partner’s blow job more. I should have cum. Shes frustrates I didn’t.
My new thought is that in reality it did feel good. She enjoyed herself and let me know that. It brought us closer together.
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My wife expects me to get hard instantly or at least very quickly when we begin to have sex, and thinks that if I don’t, I do not desire her sexually. This makes me feel like I have completely no sexual desire.
This is catastrophising. There are many reasons why I may not get hard instantly. It is about finding out what about her or the process stimulates me.
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My negative thoughts were based on how I felt in the moment before anything intimate even happened. I need to recognise that nervous feeling is normal but made by me thinking ahead. If I focus on the moment/the girl in front of me as she is, I won’t feel this as strong and be more relaxed and not let my feelings tell me that something is gonna happen
I catastrophize that i will embarrass myself. I haven’t really tried to be intimate. I may be good sexually if i ge out of my head and enjoy the experience.
I get harder fantasising about sex with the girl than I do when I actually try doing it with her. I feel like the performance anxiety kills every first date and stage fright kills the mood before I have a chance to prove myself.
Condoms are a huge barrier for me. I feel like when I put them on I will lose my erection which is usually self fulfilling. The thrill of unprotected sex risk seems to override the performance anxiety.
Recently I had sex with a girl and was so in my head as usual I couldnt get it up and thought it was going to turn into another disaster. She told me she was in her head too. We had more foreplay and helped each other to connect. She wanted to ride me but I was petrified I’d not be hard enough for that. Eventually she threw away the condom let me go on top I got really hard and came.
I think for me the inconsistency and unpredictability make it feel impossible. But overthinking is the biggest obstacle. If my partner can stop me overthinking I can be more in the moment.
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Last time I was having a hard time to stay hard throughout the whole sexual act, I started to think that it would never go away
It actually did go away with a girl I saw before the more recent one
I fear that I’ll never be able to last long in bed unless I’m drunk.
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I fear I may become reliant on using pills. This is largely because the majority of my sexual experiences happen when I’m drunk and naturally harder to get and stay hard.
I have achieved it in the past, even drunk, and there is no reason it could not happen again
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She told me that a glasses that she used to like look aweful on me… I think she is getting sick of me and that is why she does not look me the same way… Or probably I just look awful with the glasses… Either way is shity situation
Do not overthink, just go ahead ad do it, it is not possible to have an erection every single time but it is still possible to have a nice foreplay session which might be exactly sex but could be a great bonding experience
Negative thought: I cannot get it up, because I am “problematic” and something is wrong with me.
The counter-argument: in reality it takes a lot of different components to make somebody aroused. And once I am truly aroused, there are no obstacles to the good sex.
I’m afraid that what I like sensually makes me a bad person. Even though I’ve shared what I liked with my partner and she tells me constantly what I like is compatible with what she likes too, I can never get myself to actually do it in the moment. I think this is a case of “should”
Every time I think about having sex I immediately worry I’m going to be unable to get hard again. This is catastrophizing. We’ve had great sex this year. I can get hard again and it can happen when I want it to
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It takes too long to get hard. But I eventually can get hard because I have and do.
I lost my erection and then put too much pressure on myself to regain it. I’m disappointed in that, but I’m happy that I was able to stay engaged and have a nice sexual experience regardless.
Negative: It’s not gonna get up, why bother?
Positive: And why not bother? Why quit before even starting? Why not try? That is the important part, not the erection. The erection will come as a consecuence of trying, not escaping.
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