I think prophesizing is my biggest problem. Have had great sex for years with different partners but as soon as it doesn’t play out I start to conclude that the future is dire
I am an incomplete person because I don’t have a career or job
Pushing partner away because I can’t last long
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One time of not being in the mood for sex and pressure to perform has got me fortune telling that I will continue to go soft. That’s my inner Critic, not my reality.
I’ve started to realize how much I disqualify the positive and commonly expect the worst case outcome. When I do this exercise I see there are more things on my side than not and that reinforces the new positive thought.
Recently in my sexual encounters, I have gotten better at avoiding spectatoring and enjoying foreplay. However whenever it starts ramping up, my inner critic makes me fixated on how bricked up I am, and whether I’m hard enough. The truth about the situation though is that I am in the process of getting it up, so I am completely capable of doing that. It’s all in my head. And I won’t let myinner critic be so influential
I’m going to focus on believing thst i am good at being present and in the moment.
When I don’t last, I feel like I’m not and never will please my wife. The truth is, that she reaches orgasm before me (sometimes twice) through oral or digital methods before I even enter her. And, most time, she can get herself to cum with me, no matter how quickly I go. I’m in this program mostly for me, less so for her.
If I cum too early, he will be disappointed and I won’t feel like pleasuring him anymore.
I always think women feel like vaginal sex is the ultimate culmination, and that cumming inside here is what it takes to show her I really like her and want her.
But the truth is probably that if she likes me, she will understand my issues and be patient and understanding.
Challenging the thoughts that “in not good enough” and “I’m a failure if I can’t get hard” with "I am enough, and I am not a failure "
I can’t last long enough for her, it’s even proven on a few occasions now.
But, this doesn’t happen all the time. It’s when you aren’t fully relaxed, when you’re owe aroused. Take thinks slower calm yourself and feel the moment. Don’t get too in to your head.
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I struggle in some positions and when it happens I lose my erections. If instead of wanting to get it right on my own, I ask for collaboration it would not feel as if I’m failing.
I can’t give her good enough sex for her to see her romantically anymore, so she has pulled away.
Recognizing the stress this has caused me makes it clear how that could be affecting my ability to perform when the time presents itself.
I feel like i am a failure for having an erectile problem and that it will never solve itself while others have insane erections. But the truth is i am working on this and know plenty of men have the same issues and dont work on it. I am doing a good job.
It doesn’t always get hard right away but it has before and does with foreplay and ends well afterwords. It has been a self fulfilling prophecy.
Worried it about my size and that I won’t match up to expectations, all the guys I meet seem bigger or want bigger
I had sex with my girlfriend and all I was thinking about was not cumming . I wasn’t enjoying the sensations myself, I didn’t give myself the space to feel that. My girlfriend tried to connect with me, and all I could do was breathing exercises and staring at a wall, more interested in not cumming then being together and enjoying myself, pleasing my girlfriend and being connected.
Looking at the negative thought categories, I think I’m using categorical imperatives to say I must not come before at least 5 mins, and also mind-reading, just assuming this is what my girlfriend wants and then finally, just all or nothing, where this is the only important thing about sex, not cumming.
So, to debate these negative thoughts, I think if I prioritised feeling relaxed, feeling good and connecting with my partner and making her feel good, I would not be so concerned about cumming or not. It’s still important to me, but it doesn’t make or break the sex, and I shouldn’t think that it’s important to my girlfriend she’s told me multiple times intimacy is more important then my ED/PE!
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Overgeneralization. I have a recent track record of failing to get hard which creates a self fulfilling prophecy of failure. But, I know it works, and I have gotten good elections during sex. In fact, it works basically every time I’m not getting in my own way by stressing out about it. Now that I’m more aware of this psychological issue, am working on it, have had a couple conversations with the Mrs, it’ll prob start working out a lot better!
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I am in the unfortunate situation that my partner DOES blame me when it fails to rise. So I need other validation, and an ex has provided me with that. Should I feel ashamed for almost going to bed with my ex then?
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