Sounds quite hard and this probably sound like something you would like to shut me down for but I guess there is a positive in what your yourself explained. You’ve been through great loss, you know where your thoughts went but that’s nothing that long term should stop you from enjoying yourself together with others. Kudos to you for getting out there!!
I kept worrying about getting hard, and I would start of okay, but it would go quickly, the negative thoughts I couldn’t escape. However my ex was supportive and did things that I liked. It did prove that the lack satisfaction I was worrying about for my partner was not true. I need to focus on this for my next partner
She got me in position and said to do what I want. I knew she wanted sex, but I’d already found I couldn’t get my erection back.
I panicked, I knew I’d disappoint her for the 100th time and I thought she’d think less of me. I thought she’s going to think I’m inexperienced, that I’m useless and that I’m not worth being with.
I might not be super experienced but I know what to do when my erection works. I had another anxiety blip in the moment based on a fear of not keeping it up.
She hasn’t left me (yet) but even if she did, I’d still have to go through this journey. I need the solution and if I put in the work I’ll get past it.
I couldn’t get an erection the last two times during foreplay
I had sex with someone I’m really not attracted to so I wasn’t in any anxious mood about performing. I got hard but it didn’t feel 100% and it didn’t feel like I had full control which annoys me and makes me focus on it more in an irritated way. So worrying about not getting fully hard is my first negative thought.My second main negative thought was I can’t get hard again for ages after I finish.
You won’t get an erection next time during sex or foreplay
I’m not going to be able to get hard
I won’t get an erection because I’m desensitised from porn < I will be mindful of my anxious and catastrophising thoughts
My thought: I may never have sex again because I keep getting deeper into my own head
Why: because this is the second time it has happened, and i know I love my partner and am attracted to them. Why is it happening again?
Counter: Last time I got out of it, I then had a very sexy sex life, and it’s been only 3 weeks since that period of time.
That my anxiety will take over during foreplay which will prevent me from getting hard and even if I do get hard, I might lose it during sex. For me, this feels like overgeneralization because the thought is based off an experience I had a few times in/coming out of a very complex relationship. However, I feel like I’m able to reprogram this thought when I recall that I’ve since had a more positive experience with a communicative partner where I was able to get it up.
As soon as I engaged in a sexual activity I would be monitoring how hard my dick is. This would mean I wasn’t focussing on the fun I was trying to have. Need to stop assuming that just because it happened once that the new situation will be the same
I thought that I’m never gonna be able to hookup when I go to college in 4 months because I can’t stay hard with any chicks right now. That doesn’t have to be true because I know I can get hard and I know that I’m attracted to girls, so logically there’s nothing preventing me from being able to stay hard.
I find it easier to masturbate instead of putting the effort into talking to women because of sexual anxiety. In reality I have programmed myself to think this way and it will just take a little work to get back to normal
I used to be very insecure and anxious growing up. I was very shy and afraid to talk to others. This is where the stem of my issues started. Instead of taking to women I gave myself pleasure instead.
1 Like
I often use the fewer times that I haven’t been able to stay erect as evidence to “fortune tell” that I am going to have the similar issue. I’m going to reprogram it using the times I have had no problems keeping an erection.
The thought that I won’t stay hard when I have sex. That’s fortune telling and is not something that was previously a problem for me, so it won’t always be a problem. It’s not helpful to think in the future, and as it has evidence to the contrary I will practice remind myself of this when these thoughts come up.
I can stop defining myself by the condition of my business each day
Mind reading thinking my partner is disappointed. She still had an orgasm and had a good time. She wasnt disappointed and enjoyed our intimacy
All or nothing thinking, last time I couldn’t get hard and I felt like a failure, my partner was disappointed, but I am not failing at everything and still get her to orgasm
Just because it hasn’t happened the way I want in a specific instance does not mean it cannot happen on the next try.