She tells me it was amazing, but having a difficult time believing her since I finished first than her.
That I will not have a strong erection. It’s only when I tell myself that, that it happens.
I feel like a failure if I don’t get hard, and my partner will be frustrated and disappointed. I can recognise this as fortune telling and catastrophizin. There is no evidence of this as my parents is super supportive and open. I need to recognise that we can both enjoy sex without necessarily penetration initially but eventually go there when the pressure from me is taken away.
Disqualifying the positive. J says she even just likes to be with me and flirt and talk and doesn’t need penetration every time. While I’d rather give her my best, I’m so happy to just have her, and this attitude she has let’s us keep trying.
I won’t be able to penetrate after getting hard or I’ll never be able to have kids because I can’t do that
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I think about “needing” to have sex to optimise the ovulation period every time, and end up “failing” in becoming aroused as I’m so tense about it, and start freaking out.
I recognise this thought pattern and will focus on defending it, and the alternative thought, to ultimately just enjoy sex with my wife however and whenever. The baby will come when it comes.
When I’m having sex, it can take me a while to get and stay hard. I get into my head and I feel ashamed for not living up to a common sexual expectation. That thought stays with me, and makes me nervous about future sexual interactions.
I realize that I’m not in the best shape, which makes sex more difficult. But the solution is simple; not easy, but simple. In the meantime, I’m developing my self-confidence to help me overcome my fears.
I don’t want to be a disappointment to my partner and think I need to last for hours.
Fortune telling. I’ve been focussing so much on my self that I’m not able to relax to the point of being able to maintain erection.
Fortune telling. Telling myself any future interaction with a female I will have the same problem.
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- We’ve had drinks tonight so this definitely isn’t going to work (fortune telling)
- She says it’s OK, but she must be disappointed. (dismissing the positive/fortune telling)
- I’m going to end up a cuck (catasrophizing)
So almost all of them!
I need low dose viagra to get hard. Two of my hardest errections were when I didn’t have my dick pills with me.
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I need to get it up/it’s not going to happen. These 2 flip flop automatically over top of each other the moment I start to feel an erection coming on.
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That if anxiety takes over during foreplay and I don’t get it up right away, then it’s not going to happen.
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I will finish early and she will not be satisfied and respect me
That I can’t satisfy her
I can’t get hard
Time and again, I lose the erection right when it’s time to transition from foreplay to intercourse, and simultaneously I lose my nerve and get stuck in my head. I start feeling disappointed with myself and imagine my partner is also disappointed no matter what they say.
But I know from experience that the best sex has not been when I was hard the whole time but when I really relaxed into it and felt present. I have to let go of the nerves in order to enjoy myself, then I stop worrying about staying hard
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Fortune telling: catastophising that i will finish early again if we have sex, and then the woman will see me as a failure.
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I couldn’t keep it up, I’m overwhelmed by fear and thoughts that I’m going to fail
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