I’m 100% a caretaker, and I don’t like that about myself. I work in the service industry so it’s helpful for my job, but for relationships I tend to bend a lot to solve issues.
I used to be a bit of a caretaker I think… now it’s been some time since my last relationship and I’m starting to see someone again and trying to take a healthier approach
I’ve gotten feedback that I quickly get defensive and overcomplicate things instead of listening.
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I often bury emotions, so I think I need to tune into them and voice them more!
More guessing the feelings and asking questions
I think I just need to get better at expressing myself authentically
I’ve often paused and gone into solution mode too soon before. I want to be able to be authentic more immediately instead of carrying emotions for too long.
I need to listen more and ask questions gently rather than assuming what’s coming by jumping to caretaker-solution maker mode straight away.
I want to be able to support my wife by just listening and allowing her to find her own solutions.
It gets challenging at times as she can either act like the damsel in distress asking for help without giving things a go or she can be fiesty and think she knows it all. Sometimes I think she sees me as her father figure and wants me to ‘fix’ things and other times she acts like an equal and has her own ideas.
I’d prefer prefer her to be able to problem solve but get berated for not helping then at other times I get berated for trying to offer solutions.
Maybe I just need to step back and ask her to tell me what she needs?
I feel like I’m 80% of our combined adult ability and am often in caretaker mode. I need to help them overcome boundaries but it seems like that needs to be helping them meet their needs and not solving the problems. And then I need to be clear about what I want/need and give them the chance to meet those needs
Main point for me is listening and being present, but also not going on the defensive (hard when it feels there are constant attacks towards me and now it’s a habit).
I end up making excuses for actions rather than saying things like “I understand”, or “you’re right, I shouldn’t have done that”. Just feels fucking shit to say things like that and just take it, especially when I know there’s a perfectly good reason/answer to why. Or when she is just overreacting and blaming me for something.
Still need to work on it though and be responsible and own up for my actions.
I need to work on conflict with my family around our lack of connection, understanding of my sexuality, and what I need from
them.
I need to actually articulate when something bothers me, and also articulate what it is, rather than just assuming that whatever I say won’t be heard.
Negotiations with housemates
too late. Maybe this could have helped before my wife asked for a divorce. I wish I had started working on all of this sooner.
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I don’t get into arguments with anyone ever. I often ignore my own needs and caretake. Deep down, I usually resent those I do this for, because I don’t really want to and because I wish I could focus on my own needs and abilities. I’ll talk to my therapist about this.
I need to be more confrontational in general. Being silent or avoiding it is shooting me in the foot
I need to be more open and direct when I want more physical connection.
We’ve discussed it before but I am working on it
Speaking to people about hot topics like politics is something that I find very difficult. Politics and world events are increasingly tied together, and it’s astounding how some people seemingly neglect and refuse to believe that which is in front of them.
I need to work on opening my mouth and expressing my needs. I tend to put everything I want and need aside and focus on my partners. This created an unhealthy dynamic where my needs and wants were ignored because I never spoke up and when I did it was in anger because I bottled it up so much.
I need to learn to approach and resolve conflict and find a way to make sure my logic and emotional minds work together.
I do often wish I was more vocal on things I’m passionate about. I think being passive stops me from being me a lot of the time and allows me to get taken advantage of.