How do you guys not get emotionally overwhelmed when talking to your wives about their pain and insecurities?
When my wife feels hurt or angry over my ED, we can
end up talking about her pain or the ED for 4+ hours and not feel like we have gotten anywhere. I’ve had ED for 2+ years now and have made a lot of promises about fixing the issue or changing my lifestyle without many tangible changes so my word doesn’t mean much to her at this point.
I feel like she has so much more emotional stamina than me and can just talk for hours without slowing down. I get that sometimes you deal with problems in a marriage that cant be fixed or solved during a conversation.
I feel like my anxiety comes from these long emotional conversations. I will take 10-15min breaks but I feel like at some point in the night I always just end up folding and beating myself up in a way that’s counterproductive.
Is a 4+ hour emotional conversation normal? I feel so unequipped for this. Never had real issues in previous relationships and even though im 35, I feel like a clueless teenager around my wife’s emotions
If you haven’t already, see a professional as a couple. Be 100 percent honest about everything. How much porn how much fapping , KINKS etc. make a plan TOGETHER and stick with it. My inability to really be honest damaged my marriage beyond repair.
There’s more to sex than penetration…
Not saying ED doesn’t suck… I have it and am making progress. However during my discovery phase, I realized I cold get good at other stuff that she enjoys and I did!!
Just like when a person loses their sight, their other senses get more refined…
Its good that you are talking, but if the long talks are adding to your stress, then let her know. I can’t imagine that after 20 or 30 minutes there is new information being provided so you could be going over the same thing repeatedly. It could be beneficial to write down her points so she can see that she is heard. That can also help in identifying the things that are within your control to address. There are likey things she or you sre concerned about that are out of your control. There may even be things that are up to her to address, even when it feels like it is all on you to fix. Best of luck mate.
I applaud you guys for staying in conversation for hours at a time!! However I may suggest that it’s going circular….
Find a couples therapist that has some ED training.
Or a good couples therapist and an ed therapist.
I have similar issues and my best advice is to try to have some conversations about your thoughts and feelings outside of the bedroom or any intimate moments. Having a casual conversation and being proactive about the discussion might help. If you only talk about things after engaging intimately, then you may find yourself putting extra pressure on yourself to perform in order to avoid a lengthy discussion afterwards. It’s not easy at all, but honesty and open communication go a long way.
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Do you have the same long conversation about other things? My partner and I are going through a breakup because I’m quite avoidant and independent and he craves intimate connection. When we argue, he can keep going for hours until things are resolved, which just pushes me away.
It was similar with our sex life. I struggled to stay hard and got in my head, and so he wanted to talk about it, a lot. Which just made it worse for me.
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