Spur of the moment sex I think has been the worst for me. I have had chances for one night stands and when I go to put on the condom I lose my erection.
I feel that we have to engage in a specific position in order for things to work. I really enjoy her being on top, but once we get into that position, I immediately begin spectatoring, get into my head, and then we have to do something different because I’ve gone a bit squiffy. Then the next day, it’s like I have an entire panel of judges that keep holding up the big zero sign because of the events of the night before.
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Certainly I’ve had the condom one - thinking it’ll break the flow. Any distraction really. Definately a new partner that I have no previous connection with is added stress/anxiety/doubt.
Nothing specific. it is just the apprehension of having sex and sometimes the location. On the couches it is fine but in bed the apprehension kicks in. Fiancee hates sex on the couch though
My vitiligo
For me it is just all of the time, I’m thinking I’ll fail so do. I love foreplay but need to get in touch with my pleasure as because of my ED I’ve tried so hard to focus on giving pleasure.
I can get hard during foreplay (most of the time), but as soon as it goes in, then I feel it going soft. It’s almost as though I have a finite time of being hard, and therefore have to penetrate as soon as I can, which means my partner is not too aroused. But as soon as penetration occurs, I get this panic mode, particularly in missionary. From behind it’s a bit better, but still goes soft
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Some days I feel energetic and eager to have sex. Other days I get anxious and lose my erection quickly. Then I’m in my head and it’s done.
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Most sexual situations give me performance anxiety. Factoring condoms makes it worse but I’m pretty sure it’s not the condom’s fault, the issue is elsewhere.
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For me it is just all of the time, I’m thinking I’ll fail so do. I love foreplay but need to get in touch with my pleasure as because of my ED I’ve tried so hard to focus on giving pleasure.
When I have to put on a condom or lube. The transition from foreplay to intercourse.
When I see the other person having a full-on erection throughout makes me nervous, whether I am being noticed that I don’t. Then I start to check. Also, the anticipation of intercourse. when I have an erection, I feel I have to push myself to the penetration phase even though I am not there but just taking the advantage of the situation…
Putting the condom on or right before I am about to put it in.
Anything that interrupts the chain from initial innuendo to having sex creates moments that I’m going to have erection problems (spectatoring, I now know). A bathroom stop, getting the room ready, etc. Instead of spectatoring, there is a suggestion below about using that time more productively through anticipation, continued vocal foreplay, think of excitement as I get things ready instead of spectatoring, etc.
If I initiate and she wants to go to the restroom and get herself ready or put on something sexy, or if she asks that I spend some time on her to get her ready before penetration, all of the inner dialogues and panics start happening. The second I feel my erection get slightly less hard it’s all downhill
My wife had cancer, and is taking medication to prevent it coming back (controls production of oestrogen in her body). She is in her late 30s, but as a result of the meds she can’t get naturally wet any more (early menopause). Reaching for the lube can be a real passion killer for me.
I usually focus too hard (no pun intended) on the strength of my erection, and any deviation from that focus causes me anxiety. Moments that cut into that focus include having to get up to find a condom or switching positions with too long of a time in between. I also associate losing my erection with hitting it from the back, despite it being my favorite position.
Changing sex positions, and stopping to put on the condom
Putting on the condom then tryin to put in a softer penis.
For me it’s the expectation of what I think the other person wants. So if I am kissing someone I start to think where it will progress. I can have a strong erection but as soon as that voice comes I feel a pressure or expectation to perform. I then get obsessed with my penis and it’s state and lose touch with anything else that’s happening
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