Fear of losing erection
That just because I’ve orgasmed fast in the past, it doesn’t mean that I will right now
-I probably won’t get it up, and I feel like I’m bad at sex, so I don’t let myself get aroused.
-It doesn’t happen every time, so you can’t be certain that it will. You enjoy sex, and you want to be a person that has regular sex too. Being sexually active is extremely good for your mental, physical and sexual health.
I get an erection during foreplay but lose it just before or during penetrative sex. I get so anxious about failing that it happens. My girlfriend was very understanding and didn’t seem put out.
Last last time I had sex with my partner it took forever for me to get it up. I didn’t think I’d ever get it up and thought my partner was losing interest completely. Which she did because we haven’t had sex since. When I eventually got hard I came instantly. I just felt like a failure of a man yet again. I think that covers most of the above: all or nothing, mind reading, fortune telling, castostrophising. It’s mostly irrational and it is cm caused by my inner voice.
Out of 20 or so women, I have only successfully had sex with six of them. Sometimes there were issues with these six, but some were girlfriends or longer term arrangements and we got there eventually, either that night or another time. Only one of them did I have sex with effortlessly with no issues on the first attempt. This was a one night stand from summer.
I tend to disqualify the positive. Sure, I got soft half way through and I couldn’t cum, but my partner said he really enjoyed it anyway and would want to do it again.
I can’t help but think of my ex who could get hard, stay hard, and cum whenever. It’s an ideal that is rare and unrealistic I’m learning. But thinking about how strong his performance was and comparing my current journey with it all makes me soft and turned off.
Sex is great, don’t be afraid to fail, to disappoint my wife
I won’t be able to stay hard so I’ll end up being inadequate for my partner. Feel inferior if I can’t maintain erection
I had casual sex with a person I met online while traveling. I had trouble getting am erection when he arrived even though I was very attracted to him. My negative thoughts were “this keeps happening. Maybe it will always happen like this.” And “he must think I’m not that into him and won’t speak to me again.” Evidence: this does happen often, but with one time casual partners. It was a long stressful day, and it was late so I was probably tired and worried about the next day. He did cum and didn’t seem dissatisfied when he left.
A couple days ago I made my partner cum with my hand and then tried to cum myself but my dick kept going limp in my hand. This made me frustrated but she was very reassuring and still seemed really turned on. I need to remember that she will still love me no matter if I’m struggling with ED or not.
- My partner is very physical - it’s her love language. If I can’t give her the “crowning jewel” of physical intimacy, which I should be able to, she will start to lose value in me and the relationship.
- In reality it does annoy her sometimes (as it should) but she’s completely understanding and willing to support. She knows this is not a forever thing and is just awaiting the end.
That things will never get better because I don’t know how to change them and I have no one to talk to.
I am taking steps and I have already seen progress, so there is hope. More than there was yesterday.
No
- I got soft when putting a condom on and trying to have penetration.
- a) It always happens when I put a condom on.
b) She was disappointed of me. - a) Overgeneralization.
b) Mind reading. - a) I can masturbate with a condom on and stay hard.
b) She wasn’t disappointed, I was able to climax her differently and she said she was satisfied. - a) I have seen some progress in my erections, I have no physiological problems so it just requires work and patience to get hard with a condom on in a sexual encounter.
b) I will still be able to pleasure my partners regardless of whether I get an erection or not. I have been told this a million times. - I will get hard with a condom in the future, I just need to keep working on understanding myself.
That my partner won’t enjoy the session if I don’t have an erection all yhe way through
Every time i fail to have an erection i think im gonna fail every future time
I had the thought that my partner was disappointed and judgmental of me because i couldn’t get hard for sex. However, she tells me how much she loves and how amazing I am, so my own feelings of failure aren’t necessarily the truth. In addition, she was relaxed and went to sleep the whole night, giving no signs she was angry or unsatisfied.
Disqualifying the positive: I have performance issues during the first few encounters with women likely due to anxiety-related issues. Once I’m comfortable, I’m able to perform. Sometimes I’ll use pills and they will work and I’m able to please my partner well. A couple of times they haven’t worked and it’s been an awkward encounter. I’ve allowed those few awkward encounters to disqualify the many positive encounters I’ve had and I should be more celebratory of those positive sexual experiences and not focus on the negatives ones. I think that might help me reframe my mindset around getting an erection with a new partner.
I continue to have the same thoughts that “I will lose my erection when the time comes for sex” and “I may not get my erection back” and “our evening is wasted if I can’t go in.” I can kindly remind myself that I may lose my erection but that many times it fades and then returns. Losing it is not something that should strike deep fear in my heart. We are also capable of having a wild time in bed even without my erections and I should remember this as well.