It happened last time so I’m at risk of it happening every time
I went down on my girlfriend and I wasn’t hard when she wanted sex after, I wasn’t receiving any physical stimulation so why would I get hard, if she was to pleasure me afterwards i would be hard to then have sex. I was worrying that I wouldn’t last long enough if we had sex
Because I’ve struggled with erection problems for so long and so often, I overgeneralize and assume that it’s going to happen every time forever. That it’s a given. “Right, I’m going to not get hard if/when we have sex, I’m not going to stay hard, I’m not going to be able to cum, so with that in mind…” It usually leads to me avoiding sex entirely. And I suppose in a way I “reward” myself by doing that. If I don’t have sex, then I can’t have erection difficulties with a partner, score one for me! But maybe I need to start treating erections as a given, as the default. “I‘ll probably get a rock hard erection with this guy and be able to cum. If I don’t, then no big deal, it doesn’t happen every time.”
Oh, I’m not getting hard right away, let’s enjoy the experience for what it is and appreciate what feels good
-I couldn’t get hard during any sexual encounters I have attempted including self pleasure.
-After months of practice, I was able to get a technique down to regularly self pleasure
-Since my impotence is mental and not physical, I will learn to have sex!
Just because I’ve had issues getting an erection doesn’t mean that’s always the case. When I’m comfortable and relaxed, it comes so easily and I can maintain it until I finish. The problem is that i psyche myself out, I’m just too in my head. This isn’t something that can’t be fixed.
- I am less of a man because I couldnt get hard for sex after foreplay and left my partner disappointed
- I dont have evidence she was disappointed
- I am still just as much a man as any
Both times I went semi soft after putting on the condom, I got hard during foreplay so easily.
Maybe we should try next time non penetrative and just explore each other with out an outcome?
The thought of my wife of 37 years is dissatisfied. Alternative thought. I can and have satisfied her with other ways besides inner coarse
What I thought The last time it happened: I felt like I let down my beautiful girl and was didn’t feel Like a man. She will eventually get fed up and leave me. What kind of man can’t satisfy his girlfriend?
After thinking logically: I was hard during foreplay and at the start of penetration so I know it works. I felt my inner critic creeping in and was over thinking and not being in the moment.
She probably won’t leave me because we do have sex and we do both cum. I know her and she is supportive, loving kind and caring.
I have been unable to have sex with the girl of my dreams. She told me she will be there for as long as I need for it to work. I am less of a man because I can’t satisfy her like other men have. She tells me I make her feel good.
The last time we got intimate, I couldn’t get hard when she was stroking me. My negative thoughts were oh no it’s happening again. I thought I was getting better but I’m not. Facts - My girl wasn’t upset or hurt, she was perfectly fine with our foreplay and I went down on her. She was relaxed and cuddled with me after. I was the only one who thought I let her down, she was fine. Alternative thoughts - drinking alcohol all day probably doesn’t help the situation. I’ve only been working on my sexual issues for a couple of weeks. Not enough time to work through years of neglect.
Sex isn’t just a specific act. It is a whole journey that starts way before the bed and might even end outside of it. It has elements of playfulness and joy. I don’t have to solely focus on what happens when me and my partner are there. We can try things outside of the bed.
Over-generalization… Just because it happened doesn’t mean it will happen over and over again. There were significant contributing factors - I wasn’t really in the mood, and I was concerned that I had not made enough progress with MOJO lately to be ready to try without being very turned on.
I think repeatedly telling myself I have to get hard and stay hard mirrors the general feeling I have that world is always expecting performance from me, that I’m not OK unless I’m doing instead of being. But this isn’t the true. The constant calls from the world to perform are from people likely struggling with the same thing. They are calling for help by showing how the world they treat themselves inside.
Why is my body betraying me? Am I just getting so old now that I am going to lose my ability to enjoy sex? Is it all downhill from here?
My sexual energy ebbs and flows. When I am generally stressed, it feels more difficult to maintain my libido and erections. I had COVID recently and have been stressed about a new partner, work, and another partner which all added up to a very stressful month. I still have a strong desire to be sexual and when I’m relaxed I still have great sex.
I was overly nervous and just thought about penetration than pleasure
I just wanted to get it inside
I was scared of what if I couldn’t do
I was also sure if I couldnt do it I am a failure
I am scared to even have sex because I believe I coudnt do it
i overthink - I already know I start by thinking it won’t work; I have a fear there’s something physically wrong - sildenafil stopped working T 100MG, Cialis daily didn’t - just tried eroxon - there was a ‘hint’ it might work but went soft when tried pepentrate. I already know the basics of Cbt as applied/explained/used here - intellectually knowing it doesn’t help - so not sure about reprogramming. seems too quick fix/basic. I can’t even get hard when alone
I thought that I want to reprogram is that I need to be in perfect state of mind and body to have sex. It shouldn’t be about perfection but a joyful play between partners.
I am still having issues with fantasizing about other women to get hard. Stems back from my porn days. Vanilla sex isn’t a turn on. I want to very much change my way of thinking.