That my wife will always be wondering if some other guy can please her the way she wants because her husband can’t take care of her.
I was unable to get a full erection last time my partner and I tried to have sex. We’ve been stressed the last 2 years and it makes sense that I’m not as aroused as I used to be. I know if I work on my relationship then a lot of the stress and anxiety will go away.
Bad thought: I lost my erection halfway through lovemaking.
Re-Program: I didn’t lose it completely and on top of that, she came before I lost it. So I performed! Afterwards she wanted to kiss and cuddle which means she wanted to feel connected and intimate more than she just wanted to get off. The erection stakes aren’t as high as I believe they are.
I’m
Nothing to note
but
My girlfriend didn’t judge me, in fact she has been nothing but supportive and even researched ways to help me. She loves me for me
My partner is lying to me when they say they don’t mind not having penetrative sex. My insecurities are illogical. I’m the one fixated on it and cumming during when they’ve been more than happy and patient about our sex life
I’m not going to feel anything when we start because I don’t feel anything now. I should be aroused thinking about it.
I know that’s not true
Last time I could not get an erection, during foreplay, I was disappointed in myself, wondering what is wrong with me, and also feeling her disappointment too. It was awkward our first time together, and I failed. The relationship did not last, and I always wonder if that was the root cause. So yes, I am scared it will happen again
After a week of Mojo, my partner and I had an amazing sexually active weekend - by applying what I’d learned and being kind to myself with no pressure it worked a treat
It effects spontaneity-feel like the conditions have to be just right
I worry beforehand and during that if im not hard the entire time, when it gets tonthe moment were about to have sex, I wont be able to turn it on like a switch. I worry maybe my partner thinks she’s not attractive to me. I possibly disappoint her because even though she enjoys me going down on her she also wants penetrative sex which I cant perform on occassion
Overgeneralisation: I’ve always had good sex- great sex even, then one time with my partner I lost my erection (it was in the morning and I remember thinking my back was sore and I had an upset stomach). She was fully supportive of it and she had completely forgotten about it. The next time we had sex the thought of “it happened last time, what happens if it happens again?” Popped into my head and the spiral started and things got worse and worse.
Last time I had sex w my partner, i was thinking about how our sex would happen since the last time before this time, i was not able to get hard during foreplay as i was thinking so much ab not being able to get hard that i completely forgot i was even performing foreplay. She said to me its all in my head as this has happened before. I was able to just focus on ber and i got hard and had sex. Then my recent experience, same thing happened. She then looked disappointed and said shes fine w not having sex. She loves me and she says she doesnt need sex to love me. That Sex isnt everything, but I know its something and i love having sex w her. This started happening lately, I dont know why all of a sudden i have performance anxiety. But I know I will be normal again, and we will have the best sex we ever had before.
- I’m so anxious about fooling around with someone because it could lead to sex and I don’t know if I’ll get hard.
- It’s my mind rethinking about past experiences.
- I could’ve drank too much alcohol to be able to perform.
- I’m not totally into this situation to begin with.
I always think I’m never going to be able to get it up well because a lot of my experiences have been while I’ve been under the influence. This has effected my times when I have been physically fine. I need to realise that a lot of my problems come from me fixating on time where, I’m truth, the odds where stacked against my favour.
Last time it didn’t work like I wanted it to
1)i feel tired again, I won’t get it hard or won’t be able to fully enjoy sex. Also, I will act a certain way showing Nia that I don’t feel strong/confident about an upcoming sexual activity.
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I feel disappointed in myself as well as weak as a man.
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For me, this behavior falls under the category of fortune telling. (You assume that it will happen in the future with no evidence for it.
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It hasn’t happened every time when I felt tired, so I cannot claim that this behavior is bound to happen under certain conditions. Also, sometimes it is totally normal not to want sex when you feel physically or emotionally exhausted like tonight.
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Alternative thoughts: Sometimes, you flat out need to refuse access to sex (your body is not a robot, you have your own limits). Secondly, sometimes you need to take pleasure in feeling tired/worn down and yet still attempting at having good quality sex. Literally, take pride in it and have a taste for sex game when such thoughts arise.
I suppose my issue is that I am caught in a loop where I don’t even want to try. I want to please my partner but I just assume “I’m not getting hard tonight so why bother.” It makes us getting sexually intimate feel like homework. But kissing and connecting with our clothes on is a pleasure. I need to reframe it.
Given mine is a newer relationship, if she leaves me solely due to my troubles in the bedroom, then it was doomed from the start. The one I believe i should be with long term would stick with me through this, and love me for more than the sex… if this isn’t the case here, then I’m just a friend with benefits (without the benefits) to her