I have been with my wife for over 8 years now out sex lives used to be great (common story) but since having two children (and both being demanding and active) our sex lives has almost been pushed far the priority list. It bothers me quite a lot but less so my wife who has a naturally lower sex drive.
She is quite shy and even more so embarrassed when I bring up the conversation about sex (instigating it included). We made a breakthrough recently where we sat down and agreed on date nights which were potentially intimate / non intimate so there isn’t always pressure of it ending in sex
I do feel like when we do have sex (about once a fortnight) I am enjoying it more than her and feel like she does it to keep me happy which in itself makes me have PED and ultimately makes me want to pleasure her better.
Knowing her embarrassment around discussing it I have written a short letter of what I want to improve in our sex life (but worded it very carefully so it is a non-pressured thing where I will give her time). I was planning on giving her this letter to read on our next date night so she had time to process it. I just find if I try and say it I will go around in circles and not articulate my point well!
Is this method ridiculous or could the letter be a nice approach (assuming she is reading it in a calm and non-pressured environment )?
1 Like
I think thats fine, tell her you dont think you would articulate it right and felt more comfortable this way and she should respect that. I liked using the spicer app and letting my wife answer the questions when she has had a few drinks and is more honest lol.
1 Like
Its a yes/no/maybe app by the way^
You can write your own questions too. I ended up paying for the lifetime access and we dont use it much anymore but it definitely started conversations.
1 Like
I will tell you what opened up the lines of communication for my wife and me. I downloaded a pdf copy of Nancy Friday’s “My Secret Garden”. We started with the Foreword and read it separately. Then I emailed and told her what I found interesting about what I had read. What sounded appealing and what did not. How I hoped we could open up our communication more.
The ground rules were this. I could be honest with her without any judgement. She could be honest with me without any judgement. Our thoughts and our feelings were our thoughts and our feelings. If we could not share them openly and honestly what did that say about our relationship. Something else was the book consisted of the fantasy lives of different people. No matter what their fantasy was it was theirs. It might not be mine or hers. I might find some parts appealing and others not so much. The fantasies that were shared were not open for debate they were just fantasies that people shared.
I will be honest it can be difficult. It can really be difficult if you have the idea that what you say might be used against you at some point. I dismissed that from my mind and decided if that happened then I was with the wrong person anyway. I wanted someone that I could tell anything too.
Then we began the chapters. Each chapter has multiple fantasies from people that mailed in. We would usually do one fantasy every two or three days. I would always email first with my impressions of that individual story. I would email what I found exciting or errotic or what I did not.
I learned so much about my shy unassuming wife. It was awesome.
2 Likes