I’m wondering if anyone has found friends to talk to in real life about sexual issues. I feel like this is difficult since our society doesn’t encourage men to be vulnerable, especially about sexual issues. I’m also frustrated since my girlfriend has a good cohort of friends and colleagues that she feels comfortable enough with to talk about sex.
Has anyone opened up to any friends and found someone who was supportive and trustworthy? Or has anyone found new people to talk with about sexual issues?
That is an excellent question and a valid, honest desire that is unfortunately understandably hard to find as a (presumably straight) man. As a queer (bisexual) man, I have found gay and bi men online very open to talking, but I’m 100% sure there are other guys in your same position who would like to be able to talk about sexual issues with each other—it may just be a matter of how to get that conversation started. There are just so many societal boundaries imposed on men that make that feel difficult. Are you wanting to talk face-to-face with your existing friends or would online chatting with people you don’t know yet be helpful? Would a therapist be a good option? Does Mojo still have the group conference call you can join? I suspect you have an idea as to which of your existing friends you could bring this up with, if any. Opening up to people in your life can feel really liberating. Finding people online can be very satisfying, too, and maybe an easier place to start.
Dude same. It’s a penis. Half of humanity has one. Wish it was less of a joke and more just anatomy. I brought it up with my best friend and he barely responded.
There is a great podcast called Pillow Talks. The hosts have also written an awesome book which instructs couples on how to improve their relationship by openly talking about their sex issues.
Still, because my wife and I are on 2 different planets when it comes to our sex drives (like 90/10), I find I need all the help I can get which is why I’m here on Mojo. After 18 years of marriage, I STILL don’t know how to consistently get my wife into it, and when she isn’t fully engaged, I just can’t keep it up. It’s extremely frustrating and quite sad, to be honest. As you can imagine, my inner critic is pretty nasty questioning what kind of man must I be (or NOT be) that I can’t even get my wife to luke warm!
Men don’t have that kind of support network. It’s so unfair
So far I’ve only talked to my brother and dad, it’s too embarrassing to bring up to friends, hoping to find good community here
Nice to know I’m not the only one in this situation. I figured it is something broken with me that I can’t get into it with a partner that is not enthusiastic about sex. I’ve been married for 22 years and I feel like I just don’t know how to get back the ability to light the flame anymore.
Hoping Mojo will help with some of my problems. Has it helped you? Or are you new to the program as well?
Would have to have close friends to be able to bring this up safely which I don’t have . Just recently joined a local man’s group which may provide an outlet/support.
no keep all issues lowkey
I’m just 3 days in myself but I always hold hope. I love learning and experimenting and I believe with that never give up attitude, I will eventually find a way.
I found the Pillow Talks podcast earlier this year and I bought their book and several of their courses. My wife and I talk about our issues a lot. I believe she understands my frustration as much as I understand that she simply can’t conjure up her drive. The good news is that we are both working on ourselves in order to continue improving our relationship.
Recently, I also tried one of those male enhancement herbal formulas. 8 weeks later and absolutely NO change! The company was a little shady about not disclosing it was a monthly autoship program. Fortunately, I was able to get out of that.
I have my annual physical coming up in January. As a VERY LAST RESORT, I may opt in for a physical solution. I absolutely DREAD the thought of someone sticking a probe through my dick. YIKES! I’m really counting on Mojo to at least show me some promise by then.
All the best to you from Toronto!
I have tried to talk with my dad about not getting hard and when I do I don’t last more than a minute with a woman.
He was supportive but he couldn’t relate
Yes I have tried but they just say I need frequent sex
At the time, my closest friend and I are both 19 (so young and in our “”prime””). We are identical in almost every way, but the key difference between us was that my friend was always in long relationships (aka having consistent sex), while I was a virgin until my Junior year of high school. It was never anything we held over each other, but it was no secret to those around us that my friend was getting far more action than I was. Subconsciously, I felt inferior and inexperienced, and that I needed prove myself in bed. My friend’s sex-life appeared perfect and was something I wanted so badly for myself too.
Here’s where it gets good…
One night we are skiing and both of us have had a couple drinks. We were talking about funny stuff that had happened to us in bed. Laughingly, my friend just blurts out something to the effect of “have you ever like just lost it while in bed ?, cuz I have”. This HAD happened to me recently and was a huge, huge, huge source of anxiety, inadequacy, sexual doubt, confusion, stress, and shame in my life. I was a bit taken aback by his question but I answered honestly that it had happened to me before. In a state of shock that it had happened to us both, we laughed about it and just chalked it up to “shit that happens sometimes”. I always saw my friend as having the perfect sex-life that everyone wanted for themselves. Knowing that it was something he had experienced in the past too was really comforting and uplifting for me.
To wrap up, yes I think it can be very helpful to talk with someone in your life about what you are struggling with because it can serve as a reality check and show that you aren’t alone. But, I do feel it needs to be someone you’ve developed a genuine friendship with where you can both be boldly honest and open with eachother without the fear of rejection of judgement. I say if you have someone like that in your life, just call that shit out because at the end of the day, everyone knows what sex is and that it doesn’t always go as we hope .
You could be talking about my relationship mate! I used to get hard all the time but now I can’t maybe as I know my wife isn’t into sex. I get hard in my sleep but never when I need it.
It’s such a rare thing that it’s a part of the origin story of this app: two bros talking about their erections. I think at a certain age, boys like to act like they know everything and cover up when they don’t know something. That leaves us incapable of finding solutions outside of ourselves. What I think is true maturity is doing just that, admitting we know less than we’ve acted like for years. If anything, you have people here. I hope that it is enough. It’s certainly more than I feel generations have had.
I opened up to a few friends during a guys trip, and actually found out that I wasn’t alone. We didn’t talk about it for too long, but doing so took a big amount of the stigma away from it and helped me get the courage to get treatment for the issue rather then ignoring it .
Unfortunately women find friends and can talk about sex issues much more easily than men. I have not found friends that I feel comfortable talking about these issues, and most men don’t. Hoping this forum helps
Yes, I’m lucky in that I live with a house of queer, sex positive people. I have committed to being open about my issues with performance anxiety with my friends and determined not to let it feel embarrassing or be a key indicator of my sexual prowess. It has made me feel better to share
Yes, have discussed with male and female friends. Find it very much a relief to talk about it with people and also see that I’m not alone with this issues, so many of them have similar experiences at least once in their life’s, either themselves or with sexual partners.
I’m 25 and very physically active yet I do not get morning erections. Wondering if this problem is physical and not psychological. Anyone else have this issue or advice on it?