Finally had sex after 3 months of performance anxiety!

( 23 y/o male ) So a little backstory , after heartbreak I was celibate for 3 years due to fears of intimacy and low self esteem. I decided to work on myself.

Fast forward I met a woman and we tried to have sex after 1 month of dating. The first time I was nervous and I couldnā€™t get my erection and it became a self fulfilling prophecy which would happen for the next 3 months .

I felt lots of pressure and it didnā€™t help that I only was able to see my woman every 2 weeks which added to the pressure to perform.

It put a lot of strain on our relationship but she was reassuring that she would give me the time I need . As a man I would feel insecure to not be able to satisfy my woman.

So about 2 months later , Iā€™m massaging her and while Iā€™m massaging her my erection kept coming and going . I started preparing myself by putting a condom on . When I for the condom on I tried to enter but I ejaculated instantly . I tried to have sex again that day but I got performance anxiety and I couldnā€™t get out my head.

2 weeks later , we were in bed together , I had an erection for around 30 mins while we were cuddling . I was so hard I showed her and I just pulled her panties off and went into her in missionary , I entered her I wasnā€™t in my head and we had sex for maybe 7 or so mins . I know itā€™s not a lot but after not being able to have an erection this is huge .

This app has helped me tremendously but what did it were the Kegel exercises . DO THEM !!

If youā€™re under 30 you donā€™t need any prescription . Your body works , exercise, sleep and eat well and you will have no erection issues .

Thank you mojo

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Thatā€™s so great, happy for you man! Could you please explain why do you think the Kegel helps? Did you use it when being with your partner?

Thank you for the support man !

I practiced kegels for maybe 2 weeks ( I am also very fit and exercise 4 times a week ) . I used the Kegel exercises from mojo learning to control and strengthen my pelvic floor muscles . This increased blood flow and helped my erections.

I would practice seated kegels daily throughout the day .

I recommend them to you !!

For me the mental training didnā€™t do much , the physical training did it .

Make sure to stretch daily as well !

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I didnā€™t use the kegels during sex . To be honest I was so hard and horny I didnā€™t think to even try . All that was in my mind was having sex

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Iā€™m pretty sure the Kegals helpedā€¦. But your brain did most of the work.
Whatever you did- keep it up!!
Good luck man!:four_leaf_clover:
Great story!!!

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Kegels or reverse kegels? I was under the impression kegels are for dealing with PE while reverse kegels improve ED. Iā€™m doing the latter for ED (no PE issues). Should I also be doing regular kegels?

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Way to go man! Itā€™s encouraging to hear your results. Especially now that Iā€™m back on mojo after a break.

I have to say it was surprisingly arousing hearing your story. I could almost remember being in similar situations and understand well what you were feeling. Even though I only been with men, I know how exciting the moment can be and we need to enjoy them. Regardless of how long they last.

Enjoy your many more moments of good erections and strong bonding.

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Jesus man, your story is IDENTICAL to mine, right down to the 3 year celibacy. Only difference is I managed to have sex with my girl but only after a couple of attempts, and since then Iā€™ve gotten worse.

We had also met on a holiday home, got really hot and heavy but no sex, then I left to go back to another country where we stayed in contact the whole time and itā€™s was pretty charged. Fast forward 2 months and Iā€™d actually moved home permanently.

Since then we became and item but thereā€™d been running joke the whole time before we even tried having sex (sheā€™s known for being a slow burn sexually which is great because I like that she takes her time before sleeping with someone) but EVERYONE of her would take the piss out of us for not having had sex yet.

Fast forward another 6 weeks and sure enough, didnā€™t she initiate it and I think the whole build up actually created pressure. I failed on the night (never happened before and Iā€™m 38, in all other relationships I was extremely sexual and dominant) itā€™s gotten in my head and now itā€™s just a case of we fool about for AAAAGES, get really hot and heavy, go to put it in, actually donā€™t even get that far, think about putting it in and then it just dies. I also seem to have become obsessed with thinking Iā€™m not ā€œhard enoughā€ to try when I almost certainly am.

Iā€™m lucky sheā€™s a fucking fantastic girl and very supportive but itā€™s getting tough. And like yourself we donā€™t see each other much and she lives with her parents so we maybe get 1 opportunity every two weeks and I feel like I just need some exposure in a way, more appourtinty to get comfortable.

Our next step is, less time 9n foreplay and if itā€™s hard, itā€™s just going in. The thought process being, conquer the actual penetration itself and things will Improve.

Sorry for the life story haha I was just caught by the similarities we have lol

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Way to go!

One quick note: You say that you had intercourse lasting ā€œ7 or soā€ minutes, and then kind of diminish that accomplishment by following it up with ā€œI know itā€™s not a lotā€¦ā€. I think a lot of men (and women for that matter) have an unrealistic idea (probably influenced by porn I think) about how long intercourse is ā€œsupposedā€ to last. A study of 500 couples timing themselves with a stopwatch showed that 3-7 minutes is pretty normal, with a median intercourse time of just over 5 minutes.

I think sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves, and expect to have perfect sex with a perfect erection, which can just contribute to a feeling of failure even when weā€™re succeeding.

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Iā€™m going to try the greedy ā€˜as soon as itā€™s hard, itā€™s going in!!ā€™ Method.
However my gfā€™s mom just bike her femur and sheā€™s staying with her during recoveryā€¦ :mending_heart:

Thatā€™s very true , I really appreciate the insight . I never knew those statistics . We really do criticise ourselves too much at times.

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Sometimes all it takes is one blog to change life .

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