Performance Anxiety & Navigating The Path To A Relationship

I have had performance anxiety since I lost virginity 11 years ago. It can be dormant for years and mostly comes up once I start to be with someone I really like then I finally have sex and it basically goes away. This time though I was able to have sex on the first try then was not able to go again and failed on the next instance to get it up. I was able to open up to her about it and successfully had sex on the first try in our next encounter. However my last experience when I thought all was well like in my past performance anxiety experience I was not able to get it up. Probably tried a dozen times to get aroused and put a condom on twice put did not achieve penetration. I talked to her about it and let her know I feared that this was going to prevent us moving further and told her about my past experience. We talked about what can help me and i let her know this form was new for me. She is the best and wants to keep trying and has done everything to make me feel comfortable. I know this is my responsibility to get my mind right and even though a partner is here to help I need to prioritize resolving this for us. I often think when we first start getting intimate why am i not hard and feel extremely guilty I can’t give her intercourse which makes me feel the worst. I am committed to turning over every rock to do this and investing in my mental health to breakthrough and put this behind me. If anyone has success stories or what helped them I could really use the support. Ultimately I’m extremely optimistic that doing these exercises on MOJO and having a few days to myself will get my head to wear I need to be and put this behind me. I have done it before and nothing makes me more confident that having sex with that partner and both of us growing and enjoying the experience together. I know I’m just a one sexual experience away from momentum

@subsequent-indigo-kite, my friend, I feel for you. I had never experienced any performance anxiety till recently in my early 40s after a pretty tough couple of years and a messy divorce. MOJO was a huge part of my road to recovery. I can also recommend the book “Coping with Erectile Dysfunction” by Metz & McCarthy. It covers all the topics.

What I found was my erectile dysfunction was multi-factoral. I definitely had anxiety that was limiting me in the moment but I also had an evaluation by a pelvic floor specialist for men who found I did have some pelvic floor weakness. I spent time working on both and communicate with any partner I have sextually very openly. Through the work and growth as a person I have improved 1000% I know you can find improvement and growth too.

One thing you mentioned was the ED being your problem but I would challenge is gently and say it is both you and your partner’s problem in some ways. She is never to blame or to be shamed but she is part of the experience. She can embrace you as you are and be open to non-penis in vagina intimacy that takes the pressure off you. You both can find new places of intimacy through this. Have fun!

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