Hey guys, I’ve had performance anxiety for years. Most frustrating is that the more I like a girl, the more anxious I get and less likely I am to get hard. I get caught up in spectatoring instead of being in the moment.
I spent last weekend with a girl I like a lot. First time we had sex I was able to get semi erect and get the deed done. Rest of the weekend I avoided sex, It was on my mind the whole time. Once I came home I was able to masterate and have a huge normal erection no problem. We have plans to hang again, her spending the weekend at me. I’m worried I’m just going to be so anxious that I won’t be able to get it up, and worried she won’t want to see me after that. Also considering talking to her about the issue, might relieve some anxiety. In the past, I would have anxiety the first few times with a new partner and then be fine after that.
Anyway I mostly wanted to vent but would be happy to hear any tips or advice people have. Once I’m out of my head I can have sex fine - but when I like a girl a lot I pressure myself and it’s harder to get past it.
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One suggestion….I think phrases like “getting the deed done” are not helping you. Maybe focus on pleasure, both hers and yours instead of the act of penetration. Easier said than done perhaps.
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I agree. I think it is useful to know that for most, not all, women orgasm comes other stimulation. Oral, fingers etc. So I always focus on giving a woman pleasure and usually an orgasm before penetration. If she is up for it I ask her to give me some oral before I enter her because that consistently makes me hard. If I have given her an orgasm orally already she is usually happy to reciprocate. I would also share that you feel anxious about performance sometimes, so it is not the elephant in the room. If she is a good woman she will be supportive. Most women are relaxed about this, especially if you demonstrate a willingness to learn about their body and what gives them pleasure with touch etc
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You’re right, I shouldn’t see it as “getting the deed done”, and also it’s easier said than done to focus on pleasure when I’m just worried I’ll let her down. I need to use some of the mojo techniques to get out of my head.
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Thanks. Yes I can get her really hot with oral and fingers then she wants me inside. But I’m not hard and even with her giving me a bj - I’m so stuck in my head that I can’t get it up. She is great and supportive so maybe addressing it head on will help.
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