I’m 32 and haven’t had many female sexual partners in my life, so I am with a new partner now for 3 months now, and we have had sex twice. I usually have a fear of rejection or feel rejected if a woman doesn’t come on to me in some capacity, but we had sex after me trying to initiate in several ways, and I performed oral and it was taking me a while to get hard, so I started to massage her and then I slowly was getting hard but wasn’t firm enough. I started to lose my erection. My hard came back for a little and then flopped, so we stopped and cuddled. We never spoke about it.
We then were apart for about 2 weeks and wasn’t sure how to initiate sex with her as she wanted me to initiate but never gave cues when I would kiss her and grab her closer to me, so I didn’t go further. We then spoke and realized she is shy and wants me to really take control to initiate, so the next time I did as she wanted and we kind of went straight into having sex. I didn’t get hard again while performing oral on her and I was so scared that I wasn’t going to be able to perform again. She then gave me oral while soft and slowly I got and erection, but she got on top of me as soon as erect, but it wasn’t fully firm, so in about a few minutes I flopped again and I told her to give me a minute and we cuddled.
I know I have performance anxiety because I’m not well experienced, and I fear that she will see that and maybe I can’t perform to her standards.
We did talk about it recently casually in text and I sent her a voicenote saying that I just need to get over performance anxiety and that’s what it is. She said it was ok and thought maybe it was her. I reassured it wasn’t her.
I need a little help here on ways to break the ice between us in a sexual way to give me confidence, so I can maintain my erection and actually feel pleasured by my girlfriend and not feel like it’s a task.
I do wish she wasn’t shy and maybe we should spend time exploring each other sexually first to get more comfortable.