I have dealt with the issue of performance anxiety related erectile dysfunction since the first time I ever tried to have sex.
Over the years, the embarrassment and fear of embarrassment made it difficult for me to try to initiate sex.
Sometimes I would get lucky. If I get inside the vagina before my nerves sap my erection, I’m home free. Otherwise, I’m sitting there saying that it’s just because I drank, I’m just tired, or some other dumb excuse.
Well I’m a little older now and I have developed a different approach. Just be fuckin for real. I say it like this: “I want this but whenever I’m starting to have sex with a new partner I get a some performance anxiety. I’m excited but also nervous so it can make it hard for me to get it up. Can we start with…” and boom. You have explained yourself. If you get it up, you are pleasantly surprising everyone in the room. If not, enjoy the foreplay.
But it takes the biggest negative thing out of the equation: being phony. Be fuckin for real. I find that it makes it much easier to get hard.
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How do you finish the sentence “can we start with…”? I often find that once I’ve initially got to a point in foreplay where I don’t get hard, I’m not sure there’s anything that can then get me hard. That might be because I must already be so much in my head, or the vibe has just gone at that point. I’m wondering if there’s any way to bring that back…?
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I usually try to steer the ship so that I end up down on her so she has a couple Os to start with. Then she really wants to reciprocate and she’ll go down on me. If I get hard enough for sex- GREAT! If not, she’s great at head and it feels pretty Fukn good with a semi also!! My gf is also not against a lubed hhandy or using a buzz toy on me.
Okay let me back up because I can remember so many times that I have been in that situation. I could answer your question with “can we try oral/blowjob/eating out” or “let’s do blindfolds” or any other inventive thing.
But, like you said, the problem is all about the erection itself. You want it so you think about it. Well, what is sexy or arousing about thinking about your own penis and how it is disappointing you? Not much.
Instead of saying “let’s start with this” as the follow up to introducing your performance anxiety, I’d say “sometimes my body does not respond the way I’d like and I might not be able to do penetration tonight/this time. I still want to touch you and be here with you and do this. Is that okay with you?”
Removes the pressure. Allows you to just think about you and her.
And then move to your favorite foreplay.
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Absolutely!!
If you suspect it’s not gonna happen for you- fine….
Make it happen big for her!
Myself- I get pleasure from feeling her buildup and cum. I love that I can take her for a ride- we can either go right for her clit and get her 1 easy or I can tease her for an hour- get her close and then focus on another body part and get back to her pussy after I have her full attention and she’s begging to cum.