I have recently met a woman and we get on really well. Itās leading towards the first time we are going to be sexual with one another.
I have suffered with Performance Anxiety ED on and off all my life. Iām 39 Male and divorced last year.
Iām torn whether to say anything about it, as this might be a mood killer or to just practise all the techniques Iāve learnt here and see what happens with a what will be, will be kinda approach.
I really like this girl and I am anxious that I could f this up. Any thoughts or tips welcomed
My advice is to be honest but relaxed about it so they donāt stress and feel like theyāve done something wrong and even more importantly they donāt stress because youāre stressed (easier said than done I know)
Usually if things arenāt working the first time (which for me is more likely since the first time usually after a few drinks - which doesnāt help) I just say something like āsometimes I struggle after a few, but donāt worry Iāll take care of youā and then smirk and carry on making out and doing oral or whatever the makes sense given the mood - Iāve never had a negative reaction to this and since the pressure is taken off this helps me relax and get going again sooner rather than later
Just try to stay positive and in the moment even if things take a turnā¦ Hope this helps
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Itās scary but Iād get ahead of it and say āsometimes I struggle to x and yā and I guarantee theyāll be ok with it and respect your honesty and courage to be vulnerable.
You can then focus on building a sexual relationship that doesnāt have the stress but is focussed on what is pleasurable and works best for you both.
Probably not the right phrase for an ED forum but when got start with vulnerability and acknowledgement, the only way is up.
Tbh, Iād take 1/4 of a cialasā¦just to calm the nerves a bit.
Get the first one āout of the wayā so to speak.
I know it sucks, but may be worth it.
I would shift the focus away from the āconcerns about EDā and just focus on enjoying your time with her. If you want her badly enough then that will be all you can think about and lust will take over. Focus on being present and āenjoyingā her.
Iāve found this with girls Iāve been seeing that if you obsess over āgetting it upā or ādoing things rightā then you take yourself completely out of the moment. All the overthinking about performance just makes it impossible to enjoy it.
Balanced-lavender has given some solid advice here too!