Talking about performance anxiety?

[favourable-tomato-falcon]

Do you guys tell a woman that you have performance anxiety and thus sometimes don’t get it up when being with someone new? If so, how? How does she usually react?

[probable-indigo-fox]

Honestly, even if it’s the first time with a woman and I’m struggling.. I don’t flat out say ‘i have ED’ but I do make her aware that I’m ‘a little too excited right now, I need a minute’ and then slow everything down.. using that time to refocus and/or go back to kissing. Mixed results but if she’s not a horrible person they’re normally understanding

[favourable-tomato-falcon]

Thanks! So far, I usually waited to tell her until I had the issue of not getting it up. Usually they are very kind and understanding, as you said.

But the situation then is still a bit awkward and quite triggering to me.

So I thought that it might be better to just say it in advance that I sometimes have a bit of performance anxiety and thus want to take it a bit slow to not feel the pressure.

[logical-black-platypus]

I haven’t suffered with it with a new partner, it happened recently in marriage. My wife is very supportive.

She also experienced it with a holiday romance. She was seemingly supportive with him and did not let it ruin her holiday fun.

But I guess it depends on the individuals involved.

[mid-cyan-tiglon]

Maybe I do it wrong, whenever it happens I just tell them that I’m anxious and that sometimes it gets the better of me and usually they understand. Talking about this with a partner has always been a struggle but being honest, there has never been a single partner that’s not supportive

[near-aquamarine-damselfly]

When it’s someone new I say that I get pretty nervous the first few times. It’s been a funny old thing to navigate for me; generally when I like them the most is when I’ll drop my worst performance. I’ve got a lot better at managing it

[slim-coral-gorilla]

You don’t need to tell them in advance of having sex.

I would tell them when you do goto have sec sometimes you do get nervous and might need to just take a break. That’s always the best advice, don’t try force it, if it’s not working you struggling is much worse than stopping, cuddling and making out, then trying again when your fight or flight calms.