Long winded post
My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and while I’ve had occasional ED and performance anxiety from time to time, it has gotten pretty bad over the past year or so and definitely created a somewhat large rift in our relationship because my partner, despite our communication, is doubting my attractiveness for her (which tears me up itself because I do find her very attractive).
Things came to a head about a year ago when I lost my erection during sex and my partner was particularly devastated. However, we perservered, things got a little better, but overall I was still having issues, and I didn’t really address it the way I should have at the time.
Fast forward to Valentines Day this year and my fiance got dressed up in lingerie and went all out and I couldnt get hard and could feel the physical anxiousness come over me. That hit her really hard and we ended up spending some time apart for a few days before getting deciding to keep moving forward together.
Since then we had sex a couple times and things weren’t perfect but I got and maintained an erection, but its now been a month since we last had sex (not wholly due to hesitancy based on our issues but more other circumstances like travel and my fiance being on her period, etc.). This weekend we tried to get back into things and I don’t know if it was the time apart that was holding me back and the expectation of what should happen, but my performance anxiety got the better of me and I couldn’t get hard, even after a couple of attempts and my partner asking me what I needed.
We talked openly about it and my fiance, who is incredible, is understandably deterred from doing anything sexual until I figure out a better solution because of the effect it has on her and how she thinks I view her. So I’m obviously feeling desparate about finding a solution so I don’t lose her because I don’t want to keep putting her through this.
I’ve used pills in the past and they do work but sometimes I know my anxiety will be strong enough to overpower my sexual desire and ability to get an erection. Last year I did start Mojo and found it somewhat helpful but I stopped doing it reguarly and I’m feeling hesitant that if I start up again the healing won’t be as quick as I’d like or my partner may not be as open to some of the couples activities to help me feel more comfortable with my body and getting an erection without the expectation of having sex.
Just looking for any insight members of the community might have or if my situation is something someone else has overcome. My love for my fiance is so strong and I think thats why I put so my pressure on myself to perform and satisfy her, but I want to stop putting that weight on myself, it just seems much easier said then done.