Hey everyone, first time poster and relatively new member (4 weeks) and have been doing regular meditation, breathing techniques and listened to the therapy sessions. Iv had problems getting it up with partners for years, which is what has led me here, but never had any problems whatsoever with masturbation, until now.
Ever since doing these exercises and trying to control my inner critic it feels like Iv now awoken an inner critic with masturbation and I can now think myself out of an erection while masturbating - proving it’s completely in my head, as probably with most people here. Iv always masturbated to porn which i have now stopped watching and thinking maybe that is why, potentially.
Has anyone else encountered a similar issue? If so I’m hoping there might be some success stories to get out of your head during both sex and masturbation? I’m trying to stick with the breathing techniques etc and will continue to do so, but a little frustrated and anxious - any tips??
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Hello there,
I’m really glad you found Mojo and you’ve been making progress 
When I read your question I had mixed thoughts:
- Wow, this guy has really started to get to grips with the inner critic — that’s A-grade awareness!
- But this new interference with masturbation might be demotivating
I wanted to make sure I got a nuanced, specific answer for you, so I shared your question with one of our psychosexual experts, Amanda Barge. Sher wrote this reply for you:
By beginning to notice the inner critic, you will soon be able to notice your thoughts more easily, challenge them in a helpful way, and build up confidence.
One can only really make changes by first noticing it so you should congratulate yourself! But it’s also really normal to see the short-term impact on your erection due to your new awareness. Coming off porn and visual stimulation takes a bit of practice for almost everyone. So give yourself time.
To get through this, you can focus on getting back into your body using the techniques on Mojo. It might also help to not climax too often at the start of cutting down porn and working on your erections (in other words, cum fewer times in the week so you can let arousal build up).
And, of course, slow things down. The directed masturbations on Mojo (unlock them by doing the course Masturbate your way to better erections) and the meditations with Mike Richards will help.
It won’t take long for you to practice by yourself, get that confidence and then put it into partnered sex with mindfulness.
And if you need a therapist — ask Grace for my email! 
Let me know how that sounds,
Grace from Mojo
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I’ve found any time I go into a session (solo or otherwise) with expectations and a sense of forcing something to happen, it’s difficult to get hard.
I’d recommend going into it with no pressure for a “result” beyond relaxation and pleasure. Focus only on your sensations. It really is a mind game. I’ve been doing body work for months and have gotten much better about getting into an almost meditative (solo) space in which erections can thrive and I experience new levels of pleasure. It’s become less and less about cumming, even, which I think is healthy and does lead to a build-up of sexual energy.
I do think the more you learn, the more intrusive some of this awareness can be. I felt like letting it absorb and internalize for a while made it less so. I took in a lot of information over a short period of time initially and I think it took some time for that to sink in and become less something I was obsessed about and more just useful information in my toolkit that I can access more comfortably.
My problems came about over a long period of time and I have to be patient in overcoming them.
Hi there
Is it possible to send me Grace’s email?
I would be interested in Grace’s email or contact info of a psychosexual expert. I am finding it hard to access sex therapy where I live.
Here’s Amanda Barge’s email address and contact form
https://woodlandcounselling.co.uk/get-in-touch
You can also check out this post for ideas for finding a therapist, coach, or counselor: https://community.mojo.so/t/therapist-recommendations-usa/4611
Lots of therapists do sessions over video calls, but they might be restricted to practicing in certain regions (due to licenses and regulations and that kind of thing!). So it’s a good idea to tell them where you live and what sort of support you’re after when you get in touch