Iām in a monogamous relationship with a great guy, and sex has never been anything less than great. The thing is, Iām a bottom, and my partner is a top. So most of the time I donāt bother trying to get an erection or have an orgasm, I just focus on his pleasure. Heās been great about encouraging me to come after he does, but itās like Iām too afraid to try. Heās offered to give me head, or do other stuff I like, to help get me stimulated, and Iām pretty sure I could because Iāve done that in the past. But I like him so much, and because itās not just a hookup, I feel this pressure to not disappoint him and I donāt want him to get frustrated if it takes me a really long time to come. Iāve told him I want to try and he was excited about that. Iāve done the first phase of the courses and Iām starting to feel more confident but it still makes me anxious when I think about trying. Just wondering if anybody has ever had a similar experience.
Iām not gay but I think I can relate in the sense of not wanting to disappoint my partner. She has told me that she has pleasure just watching me getting hard and reaching an orgasm but then I sometimes get into my head, and I think too much about it, and I end up losing itā¦
The key really seems to be to stop thinking about it and just live the moment. Breath, relax, and enjoy.
Itās helpful to hear your perspective, I appreciate it! Itās a good reminder that my situation isnāt really unique; itās more about quieting the inner critic and not overthinking it. And in my case, reminding myself that my partnerās enjoying himself as much as I am and itāll make him feel good to help me get mine. Excited to put this all into practice.
Hey brother, Iām not gay either, but I think I get where youāre coming from (or not, lol, pardon the pun). My advice is to stop thinking about having an orgasm or even about having to get hard for him. When you both decide that itās your turn to be pleasured, simply sit back and be pleasured. Just enjoy and appreciate everything about it, the whole experience, regardless of whether or not you get hard. Iām sure he will as well. Odds are, without the pressure of getting hard or coming, and once you just start enjoying the process, everything will probably start working after a whole anyway.
I appreciate the encouragement, man! It seems kinda obvious when I think about it, but sometimes hearing it from other people helps cement it in your mind more firmly.
Iām not in a relationship and itās been a long time since Iāve had sex, but I completely relate to this and have the same issues. I usually focus on my partner to make sure he is satisfied and usually donāt even cum. Iāll go home after and jerk off rather than attempting to while Iām with the guy because for some reason I just canāt. Itās nerves and anxiety for sure. So I completely understand and I appreciate you sharing. Itās nice to know Iām not the only one.
Thanks for sharing man.
Iām gay and a bottom with the same issue. And itās why Iām here. And to make matters worse, we just started talking and I have even more concerns that heāll leave or stop talking to me because of this issue.
Thanks brother. Thereās something confidence-boosting about knowing other guys have the same issue, thereās not some unique problem at play.
Listen man I mostly top and I have the issue. I can make a guy cum but most of the time I donāt cum while with them. I guess itās a shared problem among everyone. So I get it.
If for some reason he does then he doesnāt deserve you. The right people support you through issues no matter what they are. And as a man he should understand. Reading all these forums after joining today, once thing Iāve realized is worrying about other things on top of these problems just makes it more difficult to over come. I hope things work out for you.
Thank you, that means a lot.
I didnāt know anybody else did this! Focus on him until completion and then just jerk off later cause I canāt get hard while weāre together
Oh yeah itās a thing. And I always say āI just wanted to focus on you.ā Thankfully there hasnāt been questions but thatās what I did
Thank you both. This is nice to hear
I just gotta take time out to say Iām so impressed by the diversity of viewpoints my dumb little post picked up. I figured it was 50/50 whether anybody would respond to my message at all. But Iāve been seeing supportive and insightful comments from alllll different kinds of people and thatās so cool. I wasnāt gonna do the zoom thing because I figured it was gonna be all straight guys who didnāt want to hear about my POV but Iām going to join the one next Monday. Hope to see some of yāall there.
Iām gay but largely a top, and you can imagine how rough it can be. I can still do oral, use toys, etc. but thatās why Iām here. I relate
Iām also gay and mostly btm but sometimes i think that is just to hide away from showing my own penis and the fact I get ED: itās easier to be passive and let it all be about him. I get in my head a lot - especially about the size of my penis (Iām āaverageā but usually smaller than other guys). But if a minefield in my head lol
Im gay but mostly top (recently turned top given my relationship). Iāve been in my head recently (past year or so) because Iāve been cumming so so so fast. I tried to use numbing sprays to help, which has, but now without them has made things so much worse (I cum in a matter of seconds).
I fully relate to this because I am so so so concerned about pleasing him (since I was new to topping) that I get nervous and cum in a matter of seconds. Hoping that this course helps
See below for mineāglad to know us gays arenāt alone here
I am bi curious. Not getting much at home with the wife so have been seeking pleasure with other men - mostly bi and even better bi married - we have to take care of each other
I am horny as hell and get to excited to be with another guy and I do get hard but like others above I cum so fast that itās a surprise and disappointment to the other guy. I keep playing and take care of them but would love to enjoy the experience more by staying hard for longer. Working on the exercises in the program. Hoping it will make a difference.