Any gay bottom guys like me?

I’m in a monogamous relationship with a great guy, and sex has never been anything less than great. The thing is, I’m a bottom, and my partner is a top. So most of the time I don’t bother trying to get an erection or have an orgasm, I just focus on his pleasure. He’s been great about encouraging me to come after he does, but it’s like I’m too afraid to try. He’s offered to give me head, or do other stuff I like, to help get me stimulated, and I’m pretty sure I could because I’ve done that in the past. But I like him so much, and because it’s not just a hookup, I feel this pressure to not disappoint him and I don’t want him to get frustrated if it takes me a really long time to come. I’ve told him I want to try and he was excited about that. I’ve done the first phase of the courses and I’m starting to feel more confident but it still makes me anxious when I think about trying. Just wondering if anybody has ever had a similar experience.

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I’m not gay but I think I can relate in the sense of not wanting to disappoint my partner. She has told me that she has pleasure just watching me getting hard and reaching an orgasm but then I sometimes get into my head, and I think too much about it, and I end up losing it…

The key really seems to be to stop thinking about it and just live the moment. Breath, relax, and enjoy.

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It’s helpful to hear your perspective, I appreciate it! It’s a good reminder that my situation isn’t really unique; it’s more about quieting the inner critic and not overthinking it. And in my case, reminding myself that my partner’s enjoying himself as much as I am and it’ll make him feel good to help me get mine. Excited to put this all into practice.

Hey brother, I’m not gay either, but I think I get where you’re coming from (or not, lol, pardon the pun). My advice is to stop thinking about having an orgasm or even about having to get hard for him. When you both decide that it’s your turn to be pleasured, simply sit back and be pleasured. Just enjoy and appreciate everything about it, the whole experience, regardless of whether or not you get hard. I’m sure he will as well. Odds are, without the pressure of getting hard or coming, and once you just start enjoying the process, everything will probably start working after a whole anyway.

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I appreciate the encouragement, man! It seems kinda obvious when I think about it, but sometimes hearing it from other people helps cement it in your mind more firmly.

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I’m not in a relationship and it’s been a long time since I’ve had sex, but I completely relate to this and have the same issues. I usually focus on my partner to make sure he is satisfied and usually don’t even cum. I’ll go home after and jerk off rather than attempting to while I’m with the guy because for some reason I just can’t. It’s nerves and anxiety for sure. So I completely understand and I appreciate you sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

Thanks for sharing man.

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I’m gay and a bottom with the same issue. And it’s why I’m here. And to make matters worse, we just started talking and I have even more concerns that he’ll leave or stop talking to me because of this issue.

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Thanks brother. There’s something confidence-boosting about knowing other guys have the same issue, there’s not some unique problem at play.

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Listen man I mostly top and I have the issue. I can make a guy cum but most of the time I don’t cum while with them. I guess it’s a shared problem among everyone. So I get it.

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If for some reason he does then he doesn’t deserve you. The right people support you through issues no matter what they are. And as a man he should understand. Reading all these forums after joining today, once thing I’ve realized is worrying about other things on top of these problems just makes it more difficult to over come. I hope things work out for you.

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Thank you, that means a lot.

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I didn’t know anybody else did this! Focus on him until completion and then just jerk off later cause I can’t get hard while we’re together

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Oh yeah it’s a thing. And I always say “I just wanted to focus on you.” Thankfully there hasn’t been questions but that’s what I did

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Thank you both. This is nice to hear

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I just gotta take time out to say I’m so impressed by the diversity of viewpoints my dumb little post picked up. I figured it was 50/50 whether anybody would respond to my message at all. But I’ve been seeing supportive and insightful comments from alllll different kinds of people and that’s so cool. I wasn’t gonna do the zoom thing because I figured it was gonna be all straight guys who didn’t want to hear about my POV but I’m going to join the one next Monday. Hope to see some of y’all there.

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I’m gay but largely a top, and you can imagine how rough it can be. I can still do oral, use toys, etc. but that’s why I’m here. I relate

I’m also gay and mostly btm but sometimes i think that is just to hide away from showing my own penis and the fact I get ED: it’s easier to be passive and let it all be about him. I get in my head a lot - especially about the size of my penis (I’m ‘average’ but usually smaller than other guys). But if a minefield in my head lol

Im gay but mostly top (recently turned top given my relationship). I’ve been in my head recently (past year or so) because I’ve been cumming so so so fast. I tried to use numbing sprays to help, which has, but now without them has made things so much worse (I cum in a matter of seconds).

I fully relate to this because I am so so so concerned about pleasing him (since I was new to topping) that I get nervous and cum in a matter of seconds. Hoping that this course helps

See below for mine—glad to know us gays aren’t alone here

I am bi curious. Not getting much at home with the wife so have been seeking pleasure with other men - mostly bi and even better bi married - we have to take care of each other

I am horny as hell and get to excited to be with another guy and I do get hard but like others above I cum so fast that it’s a surprise and disappointment to the other guy. I keep playing and take care of them but would love to enjoy the experience more by staying hard for longer. Working on the exercises in the program. Hoping it will make a difference.