Iāve always had issues with sex but mainly accepting the part of me that enjoys bottoming. The thought of me getting fucked really turns me on but it comes with a great deal of shame afterwards. When I think of topping my partner Iām not nearly as turned on as I am when I think about him fucking me.
I guess it all comes from internal homophobia (which I know is really fucked up) but I just canāt bring myself to accept it. Heās been saying he wants me to top him and Iām afraid I wonāt be able to get hard or cumā¦
Has anyone ever struggled with shame of bottoming? I feel super frustrated. Like, is there something wrong with me for not being turned on by the idea of topping someone else?
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Hey I understand that feeling of shame and being mad that itās there in there first place. There shouldnāt be any judgment if you fuck and get fuckedā¦ I use never think about whether I was one or the other because Iād just do what felt good at the moment with my partners. I actually didnāt know of the terms top or bottom lol until late teens. Good times. But after I had my first not getting hard, it stuck with me for these last few years. I attached having to get fucked that one moment to me failing to get hard. Thus, bottoming means Iām accepting I have this issue. Itās a crappy way to think and Iām slowly growing out of it. What helps me is learning to love all parts of me and what Iām capable of.
In your case with your partner I definitely recommend letting them know of your concerns and the support youād need. They should be understanding if they care about you. When it works it feels great! Enjoy even the short moments as victories.
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Thank you so much for sharing! Iām sorry to hear you were having a hard time in regards to ed and bottoming. This sucks. But itās great that youāre taking steps to get out of this mindset. You should be very proud of yourself!
In regards to what you suggested, I have actually talked to my partner and he is the most understanding person Iāve ever met and he fully supports me but obviously he canāt really say or do anything that will help my shame go away. Itās just that I feel like a failure as a man. The fact that I canāt top , or moreover, the fact that Iām getting more turned on by being the bottom is really hard for me to accept. I feel like if people knew they would think less of me?
But the thing is, I admire the fuck out of guys who are proudly bottoms and have no shame in it. If anything I envy them for being so authentic and proud. I just wish I could be this wayā¦ I hope this makes sense.
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I have tried plugs and vibratey stuf (alone)
The Prostate orgasms are addictive!
I have PED. With a super understanding woman for last 6 months, willing to do anything to help my issue. Sheās incredible! Sheās started massaging my taint (hoping sheās getting my prostateā¦) and I really want to ask her to finger me or use a vibe plug we bought one day, but I have a shame factor as wellā¦.
I feel super dirty or like Iām asking for a deal breakerā¦
I feel the same way when I play with her feet. I love her pretty peds and sheās coming around to loving me worshiping her and doesnāt get as ticklish as she used to.
I 
get your shame/embarrassment from digging bottomingā¦.