I was a top most of my life but have become versatile as of late because of ED. When lying on my back or stomach while getting fucked I still didn’t get hard but I tried getting on top and riding and with a little stimulation I was able to actually get hard and cum which excited my husband. He then came the way he likes to. The reason I say this isb because maybe you can try and please yourself while getting fucked first in whatever position feels best to you, you might find that the excitement your partner gets from satisfying you first could be a turning point in your journey. I think that honest communication about your issues between both of you is important though as well as being present in the moment. If this idea starts to feel like to much pressure, abandon if for that session without self judgement, take some deep breaths and just come back to the moment. This ED stuff is hard work. Dont give up hope.