So itās been a while since ive (38M) been successfully intimate with wifey (40F). Partly for my anxiety driven erection issues, partly due to her not wanting it. We had an argument this morning about it and she wiped out all my confidence ive ben building up. Essentially she is put off trying ābecause every time we try it it doesnāt workā.
She has taken my problem and made it hers. I already assure her daily how attractes i am to her. Where do I go from here?
Been thereā¦and for me personally it was all downhill from there. Iām sorry I donāt have a better account to share here. Iād suggest counseling if sheās up for it.
Ugh Iām sorry to hear it, Iāve been there and it sucks. Itās really hard with a partner who takes it personally, gets frustrated, or is anything but supportive. Not sure what else you both have going on in your life, but taking sex off the table for awhile may help. What I mean by that is having a discussion and saying letās not have sex for a period of time (I.e. at least a month)ā¦ this can help take some pressure off of both of you and give you a chance to boost your confidence (mojo meditations and techniques are game changers).
We tried this last year and I think it helped our relationship and sex life. Our challenge wasnāt just my anxiety driven sex issues, but that compounded by other aspects in life too (new baby, both having demanding jobs, other kids activities, and her not feeling appreciated, etc.). Not sure if this resonates, but figured I would share, good luck!!
continue to communicate honestly and openly at a time when youāre both calm. let her know youāre working on it, and that sheās valid but comments like that donāt helpāthey only hurt. like you said, itās not about her even though itās something that does impact her because itās affecting your marriage. try to foster intimacyāsexual and non-sexualāin different ways. remember, itās not the two of you against each other, itās the two of you against a problemātogether.
Does she know you are on here and are actively working on the issue? If she does and is open to it there are the coupleās meditations and that could be a way to bring her into this and let her help. Might also move her mind off the thought that itās her and she is the problem which probably only compounds all your anxieties and makes it worse. I lucked out and my wife realized she was the root cause to the beginning of the problem and took a proactive approach to helping me through it.
Yeah she knows Iām trying, but we need to have the conversation again about joining me in some of the exercises as the point about starting back slowly appears to have not gotten through (eg intimacy without penetration to start with, partnered sensate focus etc)
Sorry to hear it mate, I think we will make it through this storm as we have weathered others, just need to spot the lighthouse
Yeah life is busy, two kids (7 and 4) plus both of us are successful professionals so work can be hectic. Add to that she has admitted she thinks she has started perimenopause so her libido is quite low.