I feel like my biggest problem is that I’ve misconstrued the concept of sex in my head as an activity that’s solely for the pleasure of my partner. I can’t seem to shake that idea and every time I go into sex, I think of it as a challenge to please my partner, and I get nervous about it and can’t get up. How do I change this concept and rewrite the idea of sex in my head?
I have felt the same way. While its an important attitude, we cant forget about ourselves and our needs, either. The biggest help for me was the meditations through mojo. They were a big help to thinking about the sensations that I feel during sex.
I think the title of this post is full of territory to explore and the answers to that question are really important for everyone, especially for those of us struggling with ED. Something I’ve heard again and again is we do need to be focused on our pleasure/sensations, which definitely doesn’t mean ignoring your partner, but I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive.
Focusing on your own sensations (temperature, pressure, texture) can help you lose troubling thoughts and are likely going to be sensations shared with your partner’s body. I think we’re all in charge of our pleasure and great sex is a beautiful synthesis of you and your partner giving and receiving pleasure. Of course knowing what each other likes is work you can do with methods like sensate focus, but I picture once you’ve done some of that, we need to get a little lost in the experience and out of the way of the processes that will bring our erection and whole self to our partner.
Spot on! I don’t think my pleasure is mutually exclusive from my partners. I am finding success in the balance.
For me, it has been freeing to focus more on my comfort and pleasure which has allowed me to be more playful and fun which I think my partners enjoy.
I know the Mojo modules concentrating on spectatoring and the critic were helpful for me alongside of the pelvic floor strengthening.
Thanks for that @thick-silver-swallow. I don’t think it can be overstated. If anything, sex should be freeing, pleasurable, and playful. Those qualities seem to be terribly elusive for guys dealing with ED, so for me they’re great goals to seek.