Overthinking and worrying is the root cause but once it starts it’s difficult to stop
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I came fast the last time we had sex and I had it in my mind that it will happen again. I know that this is all in my mind, as recently we have had sex that was amazing and lasted 15-20 minutes! So I just need to keep practicing on reprogramming these thoughts so that I rewire my brain to be more present in sex so that I can enjoy it more!
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My wife tells me what she thinks so I should trust her and not assume she’s thinking negatively
A week ago, I had a really bad breakdown during sex with my husband and was scared I’d never be able to fully satisfy him again. However, a few days (and Mojo sessions) later, I was able to get hard on the fly and stay hard to finish inside him. All or nothing thinking is easy but pushing yourself to be kinder and gentler is really worth it in the end. It happened again, it’ll happen more in the future and he’ll remain satisfied.
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My new partner wants progress with sex in the relationship I’m not quite there yet but really want to be!
Because i Cant stay hard during sex I can’t satisfy my partner and I feel like I fail during sex
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I have never been able to last more than 15 seconds with penatrive sex. That doesn’t mean that I can’t satisfy my wife in other ways. She says that she is OK with it and that she enjoys the other things I do for her, but that feels like she’s pittying me.
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I really need to chat with my partner more about my concerns here - I’ve been finding that the more I think about these negative thoughts, the more silly and untrue they seem. Maybe getting them out in the open can help take even more of their power away, because I’ll at least be doing less mind reading.
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Though was a close to home.topic for as mu own hang ups about sexual performance have caused me to emotionally shut down and stop trying and has cost me my last 2 serious relationships causing real spiral downwards into negative thinking
Because i’ve hit this recent rough patch, I’m never going to be able to have fun, good sex again like i used to.
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I know it is all in my head at this point but I think before and during that I am not going to last long enough to satisfy my wife and it happens every time. I have no evidence she feels this way but have a hard time enjoying the sex.
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I feel that she blames herself for me not getting hard or that I don’t want to have sex with her but she always wants to be with me and is very happy with foreplay or just hanging out. I think I just have to be easier on myself
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I worry that I won’t ever be able to get hard enough or last long enough to please my wife. I feel like I used to get harder and last longer, but she has never complained and always seems happy to be with me.
Same. But if I really think about it, there are times when I last a little bit longer than others (not marathon, but 4-5 mins is long for me) And times when it was a matter of seconds (recently that’s been the case so my mind is almost playing a recency bias game and telling me it’s ALWAYS been seconds).
So anyway, you are not alone in that perspective. I think if we keep going with this app and put effort into both the mental and physical, we’ll have some success. I am already WAY more connected to how my body becomes aroused during masturbation. Now, I need to convert those learnings into progress in the bed with my wife.
I have never lasted as long as I would like - but I recently, there have a few times where it has been really short. I started to think about what my inner critic says is the “right,” length of time and realized there can be variability in our performance. I catastrophically assessed that every time after this would be the same. Definitely helps to identify that both of these thoughts are not true.
I always think catastrophically that my wife is sick of me after every sex failure. I have an evidence that she supports me on this.
She thinks that she has done something wrong, and in fact it is all on me.
I am always thinking about why this is happening and not what I am feeling at the moment.
I will challenge my thought that it I feel close to cumming when we start having sex, then I can’t change that. I know that the techniques from here have been really helpful to change my level of arousal in the moment.
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I have struggled to get and maintain an erection in the past but I’ve never had the tools to get out of my head until now. Based off of earlier experiences, I had a girl that was very upset that I couldn’t get hard, however she was upset with herself and not me. I also couldn’t get hard during a recent sexual encounter but this girl was very understanding when I told her what was going on and she even offered to warm me up first. So I should have a higher chance of getting it up next time with all of the exercises and communication skills I’ve learned.
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I am struggeling with my thought that the reason i have trouble with erections is that i no longer find my wife attractive. The fact that if we initiate physical contact i do feel stuff and that i’m just trying to move the guilt from my porn addiction disproves that.
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I often struggle with the thought that if I don’t improve my erections and how long I last my girlfriend will leave me as I’m not good enough. However using logic and arguing against that point of view shows that we’ve gotten closer and closer as time has gone by and our sex life is beginning to improve. Therefore keeping the negative thoughts in check will make things better and better in the long run.