What's one thought you can reprogram today? (early climax-dedicated thread)

I over think during foreplay and start panicking. At that point I want to get down to business so I don’t lose the whole erection I have. I know full well though that I can do the whole process as this has happened many of times. I will get back to the positive places I have been

I know that there have been plenty of times in the past when I haven’t freaked out in some way and let myself and my partner down, so if I remember that then at least it will remind me that it isn’t always a dead cert it will happen.
My biggest issue I find is not being able to acknowledge that something is wrong in the moment. Without even taking a moment for myself, I go straight into full on denial. I don’t deserve to treat myself that way. I deserve better.

It hasn’t happened everytime and there have been numerous occasions when sex has been amazing.

When it does happen I need to detach the negative association I put on it and the embarrassment - it is a natural reaction that will only last if I allow it to

Lots here to do, worth the effort to step out of such negative thoughts

Just because of a couple of negative experiences in the past, it doesn’t mean that all experiences have been bad or that future experiences will be bad. The positive sexual encounters far outweigh the negative ones, so I shouldn’t let the inner critic have the final say, as if I’ll never have a positive sexual encounter again. On the contrary, I will have good sex.

My negative thoughts are powerful. And they pull me into a self fulfilling prophecy that further fuels them. But when I take a step back to look at the evidence. I’ve had waaaay more “good sex” than bad. I am already the person I want to be. I just need to remember that.

This ED situation has been since my separation from a long term relationship. Part of my negative thinking is feeling like a failure romantically. Being single again in my 40s was not what I imagined for myself. That really has perpetuated a sense of inadequacy. When I first had a performance issue I dwelled on it and obviously it became a self fulfilling prophecy.
I can remind myself that I am capable of having and maintaining erections and draw on those past experiences and even some recent ones.

1 Like

I expect disappointment and have trained my body to cum quickly. There is anxiousness instead of excitement for sex. I now know it is psychological which has translated to physical issues. I’m not where I want to be, but open communication with my partner has been a good starting point and I believe it will get better.

3 Likes

My self doubt in the bedroom is from years of pornography abuse. I has been hard for me to be comfortable and present mentally with a partner. Because I spent so much time training my brain to recieve pleasure from porn and masturbation. But I have been working on it through staying away from porn and masturbation and locking in on healthy lifestyle habits trying everything in my power to repair that part of my brain.

I feel so much emphasis in my mind on performing perfectly in penetrative sex and not cumming early but I usually orgasm before I’d like to.
It’s helped to broaden my definition of sex to be more varied. I love giving my partner oral and I’ve leaned into how arousing it is for me. I feel powerful. As soon as I switch to penetration I notice my mind worries more, I’m in my head, and can’t be as present. And I still carry these beliefs that mind-read, thinking she is disappointed.
It’s a journey, and I’m working hard to notice these as the inner critic and not absorb them so much. It’s easy to get sad about it.

2 Likes

Last time I had sex I came way too quickly. I felt that my partner was disappointed again and upset that I couldn’t last longer and that it was all a disappointment.

I need to remember that it truly is a common problem and lots of men need to put in time to try to slow down and control it. This app and community is proof!

I had a conversation with GF and we talked about my anxieties and fears related to PE and she understands. I am putting in the work and she knows that. I am working hard on improving and we are going to try new things. There is a path to success and joy and pleasure for both of us.

I need to stop worrying about the whole process of sex.
When I am in the moment and being positive everything happens naturally.
When I don’t worry about rushing the process and just enjoying it everything goes well. I just need to stay relaxed and in the moment.

I’ve found I’m like an actor. I sexted a young woman and told her exactly what we were going to do and we had an amazing first night. But the second time we tried we just went at it without foreplay and I wasn’t there like the first time. Additionally, I was with another girl with no pretext or foreplay and that’s when I did bad. I’ve noticed over time that the times I’ve done the worst are when I go straight to put the straw in the coconut

Just need to relax about this whole situation, the more I think about it, the more stress it induces and the worse I perform. It’s about staying away from the thoughts initially