Just started but I can say that having a patient partner really helps. When shes in the mood and engaged as well as understanding that it may take some time then the stress is down and my erection comes up. If there’s pressure on time or a feeling of need to satisfy immediately then it falls apart.
Box breathing has worked for me and being more open with my partner as well. She is a very emotive and loving person and I self sabotage when it’s getting close to the time because of the anxiety of disappointment or not being able to perform. I’m still very early in the process but I hope with discipline and practice the inner critic and self doubt can be silenced once again.
i’m only young - 18 - i have struggled with performance anxiety since 16. I can get erections no issue at all, however when it came to sex i just couldn’t. Always so nervous, keen to be here and learn more.
Since going through a marriage break up/ depression and major neck surgery in the past 3 years I can only seem to cum whilst in one position whilst also dealing with ED. I find it almost impossible to by oral or masterbation when previously I had no problems at all. I’m hoping Mojo will help.
Yes, my last encounter started with a flop, but then after a couple of hours I couldn’t get it down. The morning after was just as great though when we went into the last round I didn’t feel the buzz and just had to stop. It was as though I wasn’t doing it for the pleasure of doing it but to satisfy my partner. I believe that it’s when I can truly understand her emotions and not think about what’s in her head can I stop worrying and thinking about sex and just get it up. I have been struggling now for about 5 months and mojo has appeared in my inbox a few times so I hope this app will help me from worrying about it as much
It’s been a mixed bag (I’ve had ups and downs lately. Depression has a huge effect on me sexually) but some great times came out of it. Mainly with a very relaxed, non-judgemental person. We had some fantastic sex. But then later, with somebody else much more tense and uptight (who I am nonetheless incredibly attracted to) it hasn’t been happening at all. I think that feeling relaxed and not obsessing over it has a huge difference, but also framing it as “we’re just going to enjoy each other’s company and bodies, sex or not sex” (as it was with the first person) makes it all so much easier. The pressure and fight-or-flight dies away and then boom - it all starts working again.
With the second person, as much as we enjoy being together, we had expressly met up to have sex. And her own anxieties lead to a much deeper routine of preparation which just excacerbated the pressure. We’ve talked about it, and now I’ve joined up on here so fingers are crossed. We’re meeting up next week with no expectations (when we chatted, she even said she’d be happy to just cuddle all night) so I’m hoping the vibe will be stress-free. Whatever happens, we’ll find a way to enjoy one another, and penetrative sex is just a bonus.
1 Like
Hey guys, I’m new and struggling with the same thing that you all struggle putting the wheelie back on the game Best regards.
B
One of the things I focused on this past week was my relationship with porn, as well as just my general mood and connection with myself. outside of my meditations and exercises within Mojo, I also went to acupuncture and did a sensory deprivation tank as well as a few therapy sessions and conversations with family. The general lowering of my stress levels, as well as connecting with others, seems to have removed a few of the psychological blockages. I think overtime this will improve. In relation to just the bedroom, with my stress level going down, I find myself being able to get aroused by the world around me, more importantly, by the woman I am interested in. Even so much as to find myself being aroused by a picture of her, which is a great change of pace, considering how muted I’ve been. Definitely being more open about my ED has made it start to go away. still taking it one day at a time though haven’t had a chance to test out the progress in the bedroom yet.
1 Like
Even after just the first week, I can already feel a strong shift in my mindset. Especially during foreplay. My partner being understanding and working WITH me helps quite a bit.
When I start to feel like I’m gonna lose it or it’s not responsive at first, I tell myself “this is a problem you created. That means YOU can uncreate it”
I’ve been utilizing the techniques similar to panic attacks, only I use my gf’s body instead of random objects and I tell myself why it turns me on/why I like it …ie, her thighs because they’re soft, yet strong and I like how they feel on my face
Maybe doing that or something similar can also help one of y’all
Just thought I’d log back in and say I’m back to normal (I’m cured) and share in case it helps anyone. There’s a TLDR at the bottom.
Quick background, up until around December (or maybe late November) (2022) I had what I would call an amazing sex life. I’m married for over a decade to the love of my life. We would have sex almost every day, it was good sex, and we changed it up a lot, and if we weren’t having sex it was oral. So awesome. However, one night while hammered, but not drunk enough to skip sex we went for it. I could barely get hard and when I did I was all up in my head about it (for the first time ever) Boner gone. I didn’t know that was even possible until this point. Had no clue. The next day, I tried to just ignore it and make it happen, but it was in the back of my mind. Dick Barely worked, wife didn’t cum, boner gone. At this point I’m very in my head about it. Scared, thinking about the next encounter what’s it gonna be like? Is this forever? Do I need medicine? A doctor? Wtf!!
At this point I’m a wreck, I’m not myself, I’m not confident, I’m damn near on the brink of tears thinking about how my life is going to be shit. The thought of even going upstairs to have sex was scary to me: my heart would race, I’d be nervous. All through the day, every day I would try not to think about it but all I could focus on is “am I going to be able to do it tonight”?.
Well I found this site, about a week into my issue and while I didn’t use much of it, I got two things out of it. The first is understanding the cause of the problem. Fear and anxiety literally kills boners (or can). Like the guy says in the video your fear doesn’t have to be rational, but your mind is getting sent the signal that I need to be afraid. Just that piece of knowledge was really helpful because I know how to conquer fear (I’ll get to that). The other thing that was great is the breathing I like that you can kind of Hotwire your body using that breathing technique. Just to be clear though I never used that technique at all with sex - because how the hell are you gonna box breathe during sex. But it is awesome to see clearly that if you’re anxious you can spend a few minutes box breathing and find an actual change in your physical response.
So how’d I beat it?
I immediately talked with my wife. The very next day after the first occurrence. I told her I was scared and nervous. I told her it had nothing to do with her. I asked her for her help and understanding. That was step 1. No reason to bear the burden alone, if you’re married this is a problem to face together. She gave me her help and understanding, she told me we’d get through it, and she meant it. She liked our sex life as much as I did and didn’t want it to go away. I continued to communicate with her.
So did that part cure me? No. The next part was the hard part. We had to keep doing it.
We would go to do it, and I couldn’t get up at all, or right after I’d get hard enough to do it, and go to start boner would fall off a cliff. My heart would be racing during this. My mind would be a mess. I’d be embarrassed, sad, angry all at once. I hated trying to go do it. I just wanted to go back to normal and fuck my wife at random but I couldn’t. We had to go at it, getting rubbed, jacked, sucked for 10,20,30 minutes with nothing to show for it.
We did this for like 2 weeks, every day. I hated it. It was disheartening. But, repetition > fear. It’s real hard to be nervous about something you’ve done 1,000x. Over and over again, day after day and night after night we did it. Most of the time was poor, if I was lucky I’d maybe stay hard enough to get her off - and then not be able to myself. Finally one night I got what was looking for: I was just barely hard enough to get her off and me (a super small victory). It was the worst sex ever, but it worked. Then some more hit and miss. Then a good one. Then a good one. Then a great one. Every tiny minor improvement, every little success led to better confidence. It’s like starting a kid off with a ball and hoop. You put to net real close until they make it and get confident. Then move it out. I kept hanging my hat on every little thing. At one point it was “hey it stayed hard most of the time”, then “hey I wasn’t as nervous even though it didn’t stay hard”, or “it went soft during once, but we got it back.” The successes started adding up. Anyhow I can’t remember the exact timing, but it feels like as quickly as it went to shit, once it started getting better it came back that fast.
All of January has been a perfect record. Everything is as it should be. And even though for a moment there I wanted to die, I feel like it’s even nicer having gone through it. The best part is that now I actually feel pretty bullet proof to it, because I know deep down if it were to ever happen again, I got the right partner, and I know we’ll get through it.
So TLDR:
(A) talk it out, explain your fear, explain it all. Ask for help, encouragement, and understanding.
(B) keep doing it. Even if you’re freaked out and you “know” it won’t work. Do it every day, do it 3x a day. Lean on the support of your wife (if you’re not married idk what to do… sorry especially if you’re newly dating). Make enough time to allow for the attempt and don’t quit. Try to stay positive, take some time during the day and tell yourself you’re going to keep trying and that you will do it eventually.
That’s all hope this helps. Since it “clicked” for me we’ve had sex every day without any issues (all of January). My heart still races, but my mind is free. I get hard right away like normal and never worry during. It lasts as long we want now.
6 Likes
Really taking time with foreplay has been key. If I let her do stuff to me, knowing I can roll her over on her side and take her whenever I’m ready, makes it a lot easier to make sure I finish inside her. I normally do foreplay on her first so I’m sure she came and I can just bust when I’m ready to, which usually isn’t long once I’m in. I’d like to work up my endurance so I can make her cum while I’m in her, but for now we both understand I need to get my confidence up, which means taking away pressure to satisfy her from penetration alone. With this mutual expectation, I’ve been able to stay hard for her and both of us can have fun.
2 Likes
Hey,
It’s quite common to have concerns about prone masturbation. Actually, we got so many questions about it that we wrote an article about it with one of our experts. You might like to check it if you haven’t already: https://mojo.so/blog/prone-masturbation
I’m wishing you lots of luck with getting your erection back on track. Keep going through the Mojo courses and perhaps consider some of Amanda’s tips from the article.
Grace
Similar situation, lucky to have a Mrs whom understands. The breathing techniques in the mediation have helped me to take my mind off negative thoughts of it not working. Also the podcasts that go through the therapy sessions are excellent for reassurance.
1 Like
Thanks for sharing your story. At first I didn’t feel it applied to me because I’ve never had as robust of a sex life as you described, but I really appreciate reading about how you used repetition to sort of beat the fear out of yourself. Being open with your partner (and having a supportive partner) are so important, but your tenacity is admirable and the method makes some sense. It may depend a lot on your mindset—some guys might just feel worse and worse with it not working time after time—but as long as you go into it without expectation and building on small improvements, it seems like a valid, and obviously, for you, helpful approach.
2 Likes
Glad to hear it’s working for you! which meditation exercise are you referring to?