If you didn’t notice the inner critic this time, take a moment to see what other guys are saying.
My inner critic doesn’t have a voice, so much as a painful finger that he pokes into my stomach or chest when I am about to have sex. He’s trying to remind me that I’m going to go limp when I go to have sex, or that I’m not even going to get hard in the first place.
My inner critic has my voice and feels like a worm telling me not to do things. Such as don’t loose your erection again, don’t ruin the moment, don’t enter that awkward situation again.
Hours before sex, it’s my own voice like a worm in my head being critical of my own abilities and what she’ll think of me. Also, I’m convincing myself that it’s okay that I don’t get hard and just accept it before it happens so I won’t be disappointed. Maybe I should tell her that I’m probably not going to get hard, maybe I shouldn’t because it’ll sabotage myself. Surely she won’t want to be with a man who can’t be a man.
Right before sex, he’s someone else standing about 5 feet away and saying very casually “why aren’t you hard? You’ve got a gorgeous woman literally begging for you to fuck her. She wants your cock, she wants to be fucked. Do you even want to have sex? Are you even aroused? What’s wrong with you?”
During sex, it’s myself saying “Okay you’ve got this, or do you? Just do what you have to do to stay hard. Make sure you can feel enough sensation but also make sure she’s feeling good, too. Make sure she can tell you’re enjoying her. Make sure not to think too much, just relax. If you go soft then she’ll be disappointed, if you don’t come then it won’t feel complete, if you have to think about your usual fantasy then you’re not in the moment.”
My inner critic is my ex partner. She would regularly cause domestic issues after sex (mainly if it wasn’t to her liking - I came too soon, didn’t cum at all, didn’t make her cum more than once or didn’t go down on her long enough - just a few but there’s many more), so I hear her voice and see her face when I’m with my new partner. For the record, my current partner is amazing, but I have an irrational fear of sex and barely go near my new partner (of nearly 9 months) as a result.
My inner critic makes declarative statements, like “You’re not going to keep it up”, or "This isn’t going to work, or “Give up.” It has my voice. As soon as it appears, I feel certain that my dick isn’t going to work. Just the presence of the critic itself is enough to ruin it. I can see a lot of stuff people are saying here that sounds a lot like my inner critic.
My last partner made me feel so anxious about sex that I couldn’t get it up. It sucks how partners from the past can keep affecting you way after you’ve broken up. It took me ages with my new partner to realise that the person you were with in the past is gone, completely gone and you’re your own, free person now. You’re not alone man, keep going.
My inner critic is my own voice. It often tells me things like “thats right just focus on the moment”, “dont think about your dick, just let it happen”, generally helpful things. He has my best interest in mind. However my true anxiety lies in the intrusive thoughts that show me the awkward situation ahead if I don’t get hard again. I truly adore my partner and hate disappointing her. I also fear she won’t view me as a man if I can’t get hard, which is completely irrational but such a deep rooted belief that its hard to even tell myself it isn’t true.
my inner critic is just me, in my own head. the most frustrating thing is this is issue feels so self indulgent and when i talk to myself its easy to just say snap out of it. This problem has been become a lot worse since the breakdown of a long term relationship where I would never ever suffer PA. Since then I have really struggled
My inner critic attempts to coach me throughout the day leading up to sex about what I should be doing in order to succeed later. Eat healthy, don’t masterbate days before, exercise, don’t drink alcohol, do mindfulness exercises. It puts so much pressure on the act that when it comes around, I find it very hard to pull it off. Then when I feel I’ve done everything “right” and it still doesn’t work, I get incredibly discouraged. Then the cycle beings again. It’s very unfortunate because I’m with a woman that I really like and it’s starting to sour my desire to see and hang out with her because I’m dreading the awkwardness of this problem happening each night.
My inner critic is a nasty adolescent. Maybe a 15-year-old boy, who underneath it all is just scared and insecure. He is too cool to put himself in positions where he might get embarrassed. He is cynical and obnoxious. He wants life to happen to him and has an ego that is worth protecting at all costs.
I’m his overly eager younger brother, who, a lot of the time, has to give him a really strong sale pitch about why we need to be brave enough to try.
I generally feel quite in control of my inner critic before an event, sexual or otherwise. Even when I was struggling with erection issues I forced myself to get out there and date because the alternative felt like giving up. But he would run an absolute riot as soon sex was definitely on the cards.
Just before sex: “This isn’t going to work. She is going to spend ages playing with your soft penis trying to get you up, all for nothing. No one wants to play with a soft penis - why would you put her through this???”
In the hours and days after: “Brilliant, I told you so. Look what you have done. She is probably going to tell all her mates and that will be the end. The end of anyone having any respect for you. This is all people are going to be able to talk about for weeks.”
Who is this grumpy adolescent arsehole in my head? I really hope he grows up as I get older. I suspect not.
But, as his younger carefree little brother, I’m going to listen to my boyish optimism more often and tell the slobbish grump to shut up.
Mine says not sure I’ll get it up or please my partner
I share similar mate. I think when the intrusive voice starts imagine someone you like…telling them to go away and a voice of reassurance emerging
My inner critic is most active when I’m not with my partner, in the days and hours before a possible sexual encounter. My inner critic is so baked into me, its almost like a million little worms or parasites, inseparable from my own person. Don’t watch porn, don’t masturbate too much, stay relaxed, don’t get stressed or rushed with work or planning because that might affect your performance. All of this combines to put so much emphasis on sex, something that might only be 20 minutes of a whole night together. I think, if I can’t even perform for the final act, why are we even doing this whole song and dance, getting dressed up for each other, taking each other out for dinner or drinks, doing all of it. All of these thoughts take place so beforehand. If I’m in bed with my girlfriend and I get hard, I’m elated, and its normally easy going from there (unless I’ve had a serious amount to drink)
My inner critic has affected all aspects of my life since I was a kid, I am over critical of myself, except for sex, up until I had my first long term relationship break-up. Then the little bugger got into my head in the bedroom, when I was with new partners. Started with my own interpretation of me not being good enough, then the first time I couldn’t get hard, then the second so my brain latched onto those experiences as well until it all became a clusterfuck of emotions and thoughts.
My inner critik, hours before sex, says about are your going to get the erection. And moments away, it is about the partner, it says, she is so nice girl, are you the right person for her, given my previous relationships and all kinds of habbits like masturbation, smoking, drinking, etc… and also does she really love you, or she might have someone like I do have, which I have to forget and move on now.
Hi, I feel for you. What your describing is exactly what happens to me? My girlfriend is stunning and I just want to have sex with all of the time. But just before my inner voice starts up and inevitably go soft…
A guy, very similar to me, with my voice, chatting gently but critically over my right shoulder, saying ‘Don’t drink too much. Show her your fancy her. Make sure your dick looks good and string. Show you’re not old’…
It’s the voice of my ex, laughing at me, and telling me I’m not a real man. There was an age gap between us and she was older. I imagine her saying things like “you’re just a little boy, you don’t know what to do to please a woman like me”. I also have another inner critic voice in my head telling me to be careful and not to do anything i will regret. This is usually when I imagine having sex. I think this voice came from my mum, as she used to give me warnings about having sex and getting a girl pregnant. I began to deny my own sexuality and desire as to try to adhere to these kind of rules.